RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

Serve all the people with allergies plain boiled brown rice and nothing else. Unless they are allergic to rice.

I would only provide an alternative for those that you know have a diagnosed allergy. Obviously you need to cater for people with diagnosed allergies but we all know that if some people are asked if they have specific dietary requirements, they will list foods they don’t like or are currently avoiding by choice , not necessity.

Unless you have a buffet, you can’t cater every personal food dislike, nor should you be expected to.

"That is quite common. But you can just leave things on the side of your plate."

Probably can't leave the garlic as it would be cooked in. For other things, yes, with intolerances and mild allergies, a food can just be left.

@KirstenBlest

Serve all the people with allergies plain boiled brown rice and nothing else. Unless they are allergic to rice.

Seriously? Would you suggest serving that to Vegans too? They dont get sick from meat and dairy, it just goes against their bullshit belief system, but that seems to trump health on here.

I hate the "is it an allergy or an intolerance" question. I'm coeliac, it's neither allergy or intolerance.

Here is a menu suitable for all the diets you've mentioned so far

Roasted butternut squash soup made with veggie stock and - served with crispy bacon lardons for the non veggies and roasted , crispy spicy seeds for the veggies/vegans. Served with rolls or GF rolls for any coeliacs or GF people
..
Chicken or salmon en papillotte roasted with asparagus served with sauce vierge (cherry tomatoes, capers, lemon, olive oil and shallot) new potatoes and veg. Any veggies could have grilled halloumi with the same accompaniment
...
Meringue glacé served with fresh berries and a raspberry or champagne sorbet

That accommodates all your diets in one easy hit.

Tell them due to the amount of allergies people have lunch will now be potluck byob let me know if your OK making 80 sandwiches

@Kissthepastrychef

My husband loathes celery.
If he was served a salad with celery in it would spoil the flavour for him

....but isn't allergic says next time they might get some celery in the dish "I'm allergic to celery". To make sure

Your husband is a selfish dick if he does it.

I’m saying that as parent of DC who survived multiple anaphylactic shocks in the past - eating out for him is a minefield because of people like your stupid husband.

Every decent caterer/venue will be able to deal with this..I used to work in a venue serving 500-600 guests on every day basis (weddings, corporate, etc) with allergy/intolerance nearly at every table out of 50-60 tables..
Just collect all details, names and table numbers where they will sit (if you know) and pass on to your venue/caterer/wedding coordinator..
Buffet will be labeled appropriately I guess..

I find the issues can be with cakes these days. A lot of vegan and GF cakes use all kinds of unusual ingredients as substitutes and this can catch those out who have a non-life-threatening allergy but are fine with normal cake

I've found this too, I'm allergic to bananas, not severely and wouldn't normally mention it as likely to be something I can put to one side or obvious like banana cake/banoffee pie which I'd just not have, but banana seems to be cropping up in all sorts of things.

[quote littlepattilou]@worriedatthemoment

Why are there so many allergies nowadays I wonder ? Years ago you barely heard of them now they seem common...

Exactly what I said. I have asked this a few times, on here and on other forums/social media.

No-one ever comes up with a valid answer.[/quote]
sar302 gave you an answer above,maybe try reading it!

@KirstenBlest

Does plain boiled rice also suffice for the kosher, halal, vegetarian, and vegan menus? Or so philosophical preferences warrant more accommodation than actual medical needs?

Don't ignore any of them! What if they are genuine?

@RuggerHug what ?

I’d make a list of all the allergies people have said they have and ask the caterer to come up with a dish that omits all those ingredients and is also vegan, therefore anyone with allergies, vegans and vegetarians will be catered for in one go.

This gets my goat so much - my cousin's wedding was ruined as his little brother who was his best man ate a sesame seed (despite the caterers being informed) and it was epipens, ambulance and hospital visit for him. To pretend that a dislike for mushrooms, or even IBS caused by mushrooms, is the same, is just selfish.

I really think we need to get better in our language around allergies - you're only allergic if it might kill or hospitalise you, you have an intolerance if it makes you slightly ill, and if you just prefer not to eat something, it's a preference. Vegetarianism/veganism of course complicates this as you it's not socially acceptable to say 'you can just pick off the meat'...despite it being just a preference.

I would contact them and say you're really nervous about them getting anaphylaxis and what should you do if there is cross-contamination, and see what they say.

its hard to stomach an extra ££ a head, for so many people, when we know its not genuine

Since you've got reason to know it's not genuine you're quite right
For some reason invites like this bring out the attention seekers - like my cousin, who puts others to endless trouble to accommodate her, finds fault with whatever's done and usually ends up choosing a plateful of all the things said to cause her "allergies" in the first place

With real fakers I wouldn't start asking if they're allergies/preferences/whatever, as the attention will probably just encourage them to invent a few more. Probably best to tell them the venue "can't guarantee their choice will be uncontaminated" and leave it up to them ... they'll almost certainly find they'll be okay "just this once"

KnottyKnitting

People can actually develop allergies. My DD ( now 25) has become lactose intolerant in the past 4 years ( medically diagnosed)

Right, so intolerance, not an allergy then?

You DD has an intolerance.

I wonder what proportion of people do actually understand what “allergies” or “allergic reaction” actually mean in clinical sense? . Maybe less than 20%?

I get where you are coming from, and don't doubt that some of the people who have said this are just expressing a dislike of some foods. However, things such as foods that give indigestion or bowel issues may have been eaten happily in the past, and others as noted in some responses may have developed the condition.

I would not mention the epipen bit but just respond that you will try but cannot guarantee any dietary requirements.

@YellowScallion

I hate the "is it an allergy or an intolerance" question. I'm coeliac, it's neither allergy or intolerance.

I always thought coeliac disease was an autoimmune disease triggered by gluten, therefore the foods containing (or prepared in the vicinity of) gluten cannot be tolerated; ie you are intolerant to gluten. Am I wrong?

@notalwaysalondoner

This gets my goat so much - my cousin's wedding was ruined as his little brother who was his best man ate a sesame seed (despite the caterers being informed) and it was epipens, ambulance and hospital visit for him. To pretend that a dislike for mushrooms, or even IBS caused by mushrooms, is the same, is just selfish.

I really think we need to get better in our language around allergies - you're only allergic if it might kill or hospitalise you, you have an intolerance if it makes you slightly ill, and if you just prefer not to eat something, it's a preference. Vegetarianism/veganism of course complicates this as you it's not socially acceptable to say 'you can just pick off the meat'...despite it being just a preference.

I would contact them and say you're really nervous about them getting anaphylaxis and what should you do if there is cross-contamination, and see what they say.

I have never heard anyone say it has be life-threatening to be an allergy.

@Itwontstopraining

I think you could ask if it's an allergy, intolerance or preference because your caterers need to know for food prep/cross contamination issues? That wouldn't be unreasonable given that those with a significant allergy need the guarantee of meals being separately prepared or even certain ingredients off the menu altogether

This.

When I was a child/teen (1970s, and early 1980s,) there was nothing.

My brother (born 1960) was violently allergic to cows milk. And if anyone thinks it's hard to get people to take allergies seriously now, just imagine what it was like then.

When he was five, a dinner lady decided that this was just a fad (despite the headteacher sharing his hospital consultants letter with the staff) and force fed him custard.
He was in hospital for a week after that episode.

I said YABU because of the proposed message in your OP, but the sentiment is NU!

I think you should work out which allergens are fine with your planned menu. Then design a vegan dish which excludes all the remaining requirements and give that to vegans and any allergic guests. Surely more vegan take ups wouldn't cost you any more?

Just text to say you want to confirm is it an allergy or a preference. Based on the reply you can explain the expense situation (if it's a preference)

I don't think you should get into how severe the allergy is, just because something isn't life threatening doesn't mean it won't make you ill.

My youngest child reacts to dairy...so if he ate an ice cream is face comes up in a rash and he gets stomach ache. It's not going to kill him but it'd going to make him very uncomfortable. You don't want guests feeling ill.

Also just to explain to some posters things like dairy, sometimes can be tolerated in different forms. So my child can eat cooked cheese but not milk or ice cream...Google the milk ladder. It's the same with egg, I'm not lying to say he can't eat egg then I let him eat cake with egg in...when it's cooked the body can process it. But if it's say mayo or poached egg his face balloons up. I'm sure a catering company would rather just avoid any egg to cover themselves - which is sensible