RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

@SciFiScream

Please remember that allergies develop. I'm now allergic to all fish and shell fish.

I used to LOVE smoked salmon, cod, mussels and tuna. Oh how I miss those foods.

So you might have seen me eat them in the past and not known that an allergy has developed.

I agree with this, people develop allergies.

My DB was given a long list of food allergies in his 30s, foods he’d been eating for years, they gradually got worse with him to the point he was crippled with pain if he ate certain goods.

Also people may have hidden health issues you may not be aware off. None of my family are aware of any of my health issues and only a handful of my friends know. Since developing them I have a long list of food intolerances some of which will wipe me out for days after I’ve eaten them but others would make the wedding venue not a pleasant place to be after I’ve eaten them, especially the bathrooms 💩🤢

OR they could definitely be trying it on. I’d subtly do some digging by saying, o wow I never knew you were allergic to x or I never knew people could be allergic to x....what happens when you eat it?

OP, I feel your pain. Not a wedding, but I regularly (well, pre Covid at least) arrange an annual company dinner for about 150 people. Each year we'd get about 2 or 3 people with genuine dietary allergies and intolerances (allergies at epipen level to nuts and so on, or serious lactose intolerance that would result in horrendous stomach issues) and the same number of people who were vegetarian or vegan, or who would not eat certain meat, fish etc for religious reasons. All fine and happy to work with them.

The ones who got my goat were those who aren't actually allergic to stuff, they just don't like it/ don't want to eat it. The ones on a diet who didn't want to eat chocolate or cream so listed it as an allergy. Mushrooms is also one that often comes up in isolation, it's not an allergy you just don't like it. Or smoked salmon...fish ok but not smoked salmon?!

I was brought up to eat what was on my plate or (if I didn't like it) to just push it quietly to the side. These people would do well to follow that.

In the end after a couple of years of getting the venue to jump through hoops to suit all these people, we ended up giving everyone with 'allergies' the fairly plain vegan meal. We got a lot fewer dietary requirements the following year!

This sounds like when we ask about allergies for school (primary)- we end up with a list of lots of foods that they just don't like. If it's a food you don't like, leave it on the side of your plate.
Unless there really are loads of unusual allergies in your wedding party.
I don't think it would be rude to ask if they are allergies or just not liked.

@maddening

I have ibs, so have to avoid garlic and mushrooms, quorn (am veggie) and large volumes of salad (cooked veg cool, but salad sets me off - can get away with small amounts but too much and am ill). I don't need an epipen but I do have severe cramps, diarrhoea and feel totally rotten for 5 or so hours after. So might not fit your "allergy" criteria but I definitely avoid these foods. I would need to leave your party feeling like I do in an ibs attack though.

That is quite common. But you can just leave things on the side of your plate.

Argh, I used to be vegetarian and I am allergic to mushrooms. One wedding asked for dietary requirements so I let them know. They had a burger van, street food style. The veggie burger was mushroom based. I ended up with a bowl of chips. I was so pissed off. People tend to decide its just a preference, or not serious. I'm pretty sure they'd have changed their tune if I had eaten it and spent the rest of the wedding hogging the only ladies toilet!

I'm allergic to wheat gluten. This one is generally only a problem when sweets are provided. Strangely. People will often think "oh I'll get vegan sweets, everyone can eat those". The gelatine is replaced with wheat gelatine so that's a no go.

I'm also allergic to shellfish but that one doesn't tend to be so much of an issue.

He might be intolerant/allergic to mould in cheese, at a stretch
I'm allergic to blue/mouldy cheeses and that is most certainly not at a stretch.

@HappydaysArehere

Have any of you ever asked a group of children to choose sweets etc? Well if you have you will probably discover that it is a time wasting experience. I suggest you just say what your set menu is and suggest they set aside anything they are allergic to. End of story. If they don’t want to come well that is your decision.

You do realise that cross contamination is an issue for those with genuine allergies?

Shoving the nuts / dairy / whatever to the side of the plate and eating the rest will inevitably cause anaphylaxis for those people, and the arrival of an ambulance at the wedding breakfast - which will not promote a party atmosphere.

Epipens are good, but they're not a panacea - they pretty much just give you more time to get medical attention, they don't allow you to get on with your day.

You are incredibly ignorant, to the point of being utterly negligent.

" Can you make sure that covers all the ‘allergies’ (pick something that’s not mushroom) as well as genuine vegetarians, vegans, halal etc.? "

That's a bit of a punishment for the veggies though. Mushroom and quorn based dishes are very common for vegetarians.
It might still be the best option I suppose...

I find the issues can be with cakes these days. A lot of vegan and GF cakes use all kinds of unusual ingredients as substitutes and this can catch those out who have a non-life-threatening allergy but are fine with normal cake. For example, using nut-based flours.

To be fair though, good caterers can usually be quite flexible.

That is quite common. But you can just leave things on the side of your plate

How do you leave garlic at the side of your plate?

Sounds like they're getting allergies, intolerances and picky-eaters all confused OP.
If it were me and I had the latter two, I'd simply make the effort (leave the mushrooms) and not try and be a pain in the backside.

Why are there so many allergies nowadays I wonder ? Years ago you barely heard of them now they seem common...

Because previously young DC with severe allergies didn’t make it to adulthood, hence no one hearing about it.

OP get the caterer to come up with an allergy friendly dish and serve to all with allergies. Don’t ask guests to evidence an auto-injector in exchange for a safe meal.

People can actually develop allergies. My DD ( now 25) has become lactose intolerant in the past 4 years ( medically diagnosed) She never had any problem with cheese, milk or cream when she was younger. If she accidentally eats something with milk in then she would be very ill. If people couldn't/ wouldn't cater for her at an event she would just bring food with her.

@Fitforforty I never said it didn't exsist just that there are more and if we knew why that would help, i get under diagnosed but that doesn't explain enough of the increase I don't think , over the last 30 years as A child in the 80's no one at school had allergies that were severe , where as now I know a few children that do

Option of gluten free porridge made with water rather than milk.

I have intolerance, NOT allergies.
In this case I wouldn't say anything as I'm an adult and can easily eat around things plus shove some snacks in my bag if I was really worried.
I'd attend your wedding, have a lovely time, chat to others and not make a fuss, since I'm not a toddler.

it's a PITA. However, given that allergies can develop later in life, and I wouldn't want a guest of mine to be even a little bit ill through a mild intolerance, or feel unable to eat half their meal, I would ring all of the allergy respondents directly. I'd lay it on a bit thick, suggesting that the caterers need to know exactly the full extent of anyone's allergy, and hope this would weed out anyone who's being awkward and just doesn't fancy a cream sauce, or who can simply push to one side anything that might give them a very mild reaction.

I really think once you have all the RSVPs in you’ll see it’s perfectly possible for the caterers to suggest how to accommodate this without a massive drama or hundreds of extra ‘special’ meals. There will be easy adaptations or a suitable non-allergen option they can serve.

I once knew someone who had an incredibly long list of very specific allergies: coffee, tea, chillies, garlic, cucumber, milk (but not cheese), chocolate, red meat (but also didn't eat chicken or fish for 'health reasons'), bananas, certain types of pet hair...those are just the ones I can remember.

They were a joy to eat out with!

Last time I went to a wedding I took a packed lunch. I have an uncommon food intolerance to a very common family of food stuffs. It doesn't require and EpiPen but it's not pretty if I eat any. I spoke to the bride/my friend in advance and the caterers plated up what I brought and delivered it to the table with everyone else's. No extra cost to anyone and I didn't spend the evening in the bathroom.

I would never expect a wedding to cater to my inconsiderate gut at their expense.

I can just see the replies on here if the OP had said she wasnt sure she wanted to cater for vegans. People would have been outraged, some would have told her to make the entire menu vegan etc. But allergies, people actually getting sick, they are being difficult... Vegans trying to enforce their bullshit beliefs on others are always in the right of course... man the world is so F+ckd up these days, sad.

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Fitforforty I never said it didn't exsist just that there are more and if we knew why that would help, i get under diagnosed but that doesn't explain enough of the increase I don't think , over the last 30 years as A child in the 80's no one at school had allergies that were severe , where as now I know a few children that do[/quote]
Like I said there as theories as to why this is the case but no one knows. As a Mum with children with allergies I’ve spent a long time reading articles in the Lancet and the BMJ and blaming myself but the reality is no one knows what is causing the increase.

[quote littlepattilou]@TheBirdIsTheWord Very annoying I agree. I also wonder, why there are so many people with 'allergies' these days. When I was a child/teen (1970s, and early 1980s,) there was nothing.

Now every man and his dog is allergic to something, dairy, nuts, mushrooms, wheat, shellfish, and fuck knows what else.

Too many stupid faddy ways of eating these days, that's the problem. So people have become much more intolerant of many foods.

I eat what the fuck I like, and always have. Guess what? No food allergies! Same with everyone else I know who eats what they want and always has. No food allergies.

Only the ones who have been faddy eaters - vegans and the like - have 'food allergies...'[/quote]
I recently discovered I'm slightly allergic to kiwis. Turns out it's common in people with hay fever. It's not because I'm a faddy eater.
And vegans, vegetarians and the like aren't faddy eaters either.

Used to have a vegetarian (near vegan) friend who didn't like vegetables.
She was a joy to eat out with.