RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

I have a lot of allergies most of which only developed in my 30s but they include meat, fish, poultry, crustaceans, molluscs and most animal products (think gelatine, shellac etc). I can eat small amounts of certain cheeses but not others and some cream but not milk or butter(no I don't know why either). I don't need an epi pen as it's not anaphylaxis but I have such severe d&v that I have been admitted to hospital several times through accidental cross contamination.

However when it comes to weddings I just don't go or if it was absolutely unavoidable don't eat it's not worth the risk and people think I'm just making it all up. I was poisoned by "vegan" soup at an event 2 years ago which turned out to have trace amounts of chicken stock.

Quite scary that an event manager above lacks basic allergy knowledge. @SimonJT

I assume this was about me which is rude and not at all “scary”

I discovered these were all dietary preferences, NOT allergies. So my original point stands - people often lie about their allergies because they’re fussy about foods

Quite scary that an event manager above lacks basic allergy knowledge.

Having done the Level 2 Food Hygiene course, which is all that's required to work in kitchens, the allergen section of the course can be crudely summed up as "don't feed X to people with an X allergy, and make sure you wash utensils to avoid cross contamination".

The only allergens ever mentioned are the 14 major ones. Indeed, you could be forgiven for thinking that no allergens outside those 14 exist.

It doesn't go into niche cases of people who are allergic to raw peppers but are absolutely fine with cooked ones.

The course was broken down into things that were as simple as they could muster, the test was multiple choice, and the whole thing was spoon fed (if you'll excuse the pun). The tutor seemed surprised that I asked questions.

I think the problem is guests have one perception of a wedding and the bride and groom another.
Most wedding food is a rather odd meal. To the bride and groom it’s a menu they have deliberated over for weeks.

My wedding was an outstanding French buffet served in three courses (plenty of choice for everyone). Being used to U.K. fare, we all had massive helpings of the starters , not realising there was still a main buffet to come. And when the five veggie meals arrived the veggies were already eating prawns and salmon (because they loved them in a past life ) but had assumed the worse too. So I also think people change behaviour at weddings .

Given what your updates have said OP, I would ask the caterer to provide a list of alternative meal options, and the supplement that a guest can pay to have them. Then email/post a copy to all the suspect allergy sufferers (obviously you know the genuine ones) and tell them to book direct and cut yourselves out of the equation.

[quote TheBirdIsTheWord]@Sweak haha well I guess I've just ruined any chance of our friendship! I really just meant that an allergy can kill you whereas an intolerance probably wont and the word allergy will illicit a different response in caterers. I didn't mean it maliciously. Of course I understand intolerances are awful things and can make people very sick and will cater to those too, but here my issue is with people pretending they have allergies when they dont. Like saying they're allergic to cheese and going out for dinner together and ordering .... a cauliflower cheese!!!

@TheLastLotus thanks for the support! I keep saying I'm happy to accommodate genuine dietary requirements of any sort, but I am frustrated with the amount of people who are claiming to have issues that they really dont have![/quote]
But you can't be 100% sure they don't have an allergy or intolerance. That's why you need to talk to them to ascertain the facts.

The example you gave of a cheese allergy but ordering cauliflower cheese is actually a good example...cauliflower cheese is cooked so may not have the same reaction in someone than eating a slice of uncooked cheese

And it's easier for these types of events just to say no cheese rather than I can get X y and z of dairy products.

There may well be a few friends stating preferences rather than allergy or intolerance. But you can't assume and will need to ask.

Were you planning to serve cream of mushroom soup to start? Is that it?

Can somebody explain the difference to me please?
I thought I knew, but I am confused...
Allergy v Intolerance.

Person A.
Cant eat shellfish. Or mushrooms. Or anything else containing keratin.
Within minutes, the food is vomited.
High temperature, rash appears.
Vomit continues until all the food has been removed.
Doctor says to avoid, as each time it happens, the chance of anaphylaxis is increased.

Person B. Cant eat wheat. Not coeliac, only wheat.
If wheat is eaten, is passed straight through the stomach and comes out as foul smelling watery poo, with tiny brown flecks in. There is often not enough time to get from dining room to toilet before this explosion happens. (In the house)

A allergy
B intolerance

C doesn't like the food so claims allergy or intolerance
D food makes them uncomfortable but not ill e.g. makes them a bit burpy or something

A+B serious, C&D - not serious

@Ifixfastjets allergy is a immune response be it a celiac or epipen requirement, immune system in overdrive and in the case of anaphylaxis can be deadly.

Intolerance is a response from the body but not immune causing e.g antibodies aren't released or histamine produced.

Many people wrongly presume that intolerance means the person is being faddy or its made up although a intolerance can't kill you it can make you very unwell.

That's how my immunolgist described it to me anyway - I have a separate non food epipen allergy but a gluten intolerance

The advantage of a buffet. Everyone can help themselves and avoid anything they don't want/like/have allergy to.

I'm the one with an intolerance and again, I really don't expect to be catered for at a wedding the same way as in a restaurant I choose. I'd be pleasantly surprised but I prepare for bland vegan food at events like this because, well, it's not a restaurant. Complaining is just crass.

@caringcarer, there have been a few posts saying that buffets are anything but because of the likelihood of cross-contamination.

An allergic reaction can occur because of a stray particle of the allergen.

@randomkey123

Given what your updates have said OP, I would ask the caterer to provide a list of alternative meal options, and the supplement that a guest can pay to have them. Then email/post a copy to all the suspect allergy sufferers (obviously you know the genuine ones) and tell them to book direct and cut yourselves out of the equation.

Wow. That'll really make your nearest and dearest feel welcome. What a host!

@gmailconfusion2, snap I have a bad mushroom allergy. On holiday once I was in emergency at hospital because I could not see mushrooms on the menu but clearly they had either sneaked some in or used a pan that had cooked some of them in. I was unwell for 5 days. I have an epi pen now though.

Why do you know so many jerks, do you think?

I’m trying to think of which of my friends I can definitively say I’ve seen eat cream/mushrooms/chilli. Not sure I can think of one. I’m not really watching what goes into their mouths.

No point even engaging with the poster whose hosting skills and manners are so poor she can’t be bothered to even attempt ordering a reasonably tasty vegetarian option. And whose exposure to food other than sausage and mash is so limited she can’t imagine such a thing. How embarrassing to post something so inadvertently revealing.

SimonJT "Making foods with no milk/cream in is nigh on impossible."

Completely agree about it not being at all impossible, I’ve never consumed dairy, neither have my birth family for at least two generations. My son has a dairy allergy, so he also doesn’t have any, not at all difficult.

In some countries no one eats dairy, or very few people do due to the prevelence of lactose intolerant, what do people think they eat.

I agree that many cultures don't eat dairy and are probably lactose intolerant. eg Asian (Japanese/Chinese) or South Asian/ But that isnt the same in the West where most people do eat dairy and are not intolerant. It can be tricky to discuss or disclose ethnicity but this is a situation where this tendency exists is important. I am a data scientist and facts are important. So mixed heritage, otherwise not important, might be a factor here.

I think a buffet is the easiest way to deal with this situation. Lots of choice.

@Ifixfastjets

Can somebody explain the difference to me please? I thought I knew, but I am confused... Allergy v Intolerance.

Person A.
Cant eat shellfish. Or mushrooms. Or anything else containing keratin.
Within minutes, the food is vomited.
High temperature, rash appears.
Vomit continues until all the food has been removed.
Doctor says to avoid, as each time it happens, the chance of anaphylaxis is increased.

Person B. Cant eat wheat. Not coeliac, only wheat.
If wheat is eaten, is passed straight through the stomach and comes out as foul smelling watery poo, with tiny brown flecks in. There is often not enough time to get from dining room to toilet before this explosion happens. (In the house)

Does it matter?

Both have severe consequences and thus the irritants or allergens should be avoided.

In terms of catering, the result is the same.

Medically I’m sure there’s a technical difference but in lifestyle terms you’d be a dick to differentiate.

@wherewildflowersgrow, it really isn't.

Thanks Scottish
I think that's what I originally thought.

@wherewildflowersgrow

I think a buffet is the easiest way to deal with this situation. Lots of choice.

Pandering to the fussy while screwing over the allergic. Marvellous.

(Unless as a PP mentions it's full-service, at which point that doesn't really feel like a buffet to me.)

My child has a serious milk allergy that developed in her teens. Gut related so no epipen. However one lots of milk leads her to a week in hospital in intense pain and often tube fed. It's hard as yes They ight be idiots but it might be true (however she is not fussy and would eat the vegan options or whatever was on offer and we d supplement as needed)

I think the problem is guests have one perception of a wedding and the bride and groom another.
Most wedding food is a rather odd meal. To the bride and groom it’s a menu they have deliberated over for weeks.

It’s absolutely this. As bride & groom you have plans, and do tastings, and consult close family & friends and have a vision.

As a guest you hope it’s hot, served on time before you starve, and is basically edible and not going to kill you.