RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

@jellybeansforbreakfast "Making foods with no milk/cream in is nigh on impossible."

It's really not. My 3yo has managed to never consume either, given she has Cmpa and it brings her out in immediate head to toe hives even on cross contamination. We carry epi pens too. She's also very healthy and has enough calcium.

"Far worse are the people who think it’s completely fine to fabricate an allergy."

Absolutely agree @PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat

Seems like someone who doesn't like chilli has written they're allergic and someone who doesn't like mushrooms has done the same thing etc. They could be genuine allergies however and newly found allergies.

If I was you, I would call and just say that you can't guarantee that there won't be cross-contamination. See what they say. They may well tell you that they're not actually allergic or their allergy is very mild.

[quote YukoandHiro]@jellybeansforbreakfast "Making foods with no milk/cream in is nigh on impossible."

It's really not. My 3yo has managed to never consume either, given she has Cmpa and it brings her out in immediate head to toe hives even on cross contamination. We carry epi pens too. She's also very healthy and has enough calcium. [/quote]
Completely agree about it not being at all impossible, I’ve never consumed dairy, neither have my birth family for at least two generations. My son has a dairy allergy, so he also doesn’t have any, not at all difficult.

In some countries no one eats dairy, or very few people do due to the prevelence of lactose intolerant, what do people think they eat?

[quote littlepattilou]@TheBirdIsTheWord Very annoying I agree. I also wonder, why there are so many people with 'allergies' these days. When I was a child/teen (1970s, and early 1980s,) there was nothing.

Now every man and his dog is allergic to something, dairy, nuts, mushrooms, wheat, shellfish, and fuck knows what else.

Too many stupid faddy ways of eating these days, that's the problem. So people have become much more intolerant of many foods.

I eat what the fuck I like, and always have. Guess what? No food allergies! Same with everyone else I know who eats what they want and always has. No food allergies.

Only the ones who have been faddy eaters - vegans and the like - have 'food allergies...'[/quote]
It's well documented that there are in fact more people with allergies now than in the 70s. There just are and several theories around why abound. You sound quite stupid decrying that 'fad' eating is the cause of allergies. People don't choose to be allergic or intolerant to things... they have to have eaten it in the first place to discover the allergy.

The only person I know with a full blown allergy eats anything except for those allergies.

I think the rise of intolerance and allergies is somewhat tied to how things get processed now as well. I had period when i could not eat bakery products. Which for someone who lived on bread was harsh. Then i was ok with rye. Now it's fine again. Still bloat after whote bread a bit, but rye does nothing to me

@donquixotedelamancha

Presumably the caterer does a vegan option? Can you make sure that covers all the ‘allergies’ (pick something that’s not mushroom) as well as genuine vegetarians, vegans, halal etc.? I would make an effort to substitute for any gluten allergies but other than that they get the dish with the problematic element removed.

This. Vegan already covers the dairy intolerent. Just remove mushrooms, nuts, peppers and all spices from the vegan option. Talk to your caterers about what they have which covers this and is cheap too.

According to other threads vegan food is apparently delicious, so you shouldn't get any complaints from the poor alergy sufferers.

Vegan food is delicious,but not if you remove all the bloody spices 😂

@AnxiousWeirdo

Obviously catering for allergies are important but when it comes to intolerances and preferences you're under no obligation there! Me and my daughter are quite severely dairy intolerant (by which I mean any dairy really makes us both ill) we have a wedding coming up (bil and sil) and they haven't made any changes to the menu etc and it's fine, I'll ask what the menu is and we'll work around what's there and if I need to bring food for DD then so be it.

Why shouldn't they cater to intolerance? You don't want to make people sick...

@mariemare you do realise that others suffer allergic reactions differently? I am happy to share location if my epipen if needed. My allergies do not just impact tongue and throat, they have previously been known to cause my hands to swell to the size of boxing gloves. I've been unable to hold the pen myself.

@TheBirdIsTheWord only you know your friends. I wouldn't risk assuming your future guests do not have allergies, as other people have pointed out... allergies can develop at any stage in life. Since my mid 20s I've developed allergies to 2 food groups and intolerance 1 food group.

A simple asparagus risotto should be sufficient for those with food allergies.

Most professional caterers should be well versed in dealing with allergens can easily accommodate a vegan option which also avoids the 14 major allergens.

In this case I would just ask them to avoid mushrooms and chillis. It’s not an impossible ask and they probably have a set menu filed away somewhere which can be tweaked to avoid the mushrooms and chilli peppers.

I would then go back to the guests who have specified allergies and let them know any caveats that the caterer wishes to share ie. made using shared equipment.

Genuinely allergic people will appreciate that your caterer knows their limitations and has given an open assessment of their capabilities and can then make a call based on their own safety and risk.

People with genuine allergies will appreciate you going to the effort of providing them with a separate plate and will understand that they don’t get a buffet spread tailored exactly to their dietary requirements. I think a separate menu avoiding ALL allergens is fine - there is no need to provide each guest with their own tailored menu.

Personally, having had lifelong allergies and working in hospitality, I find it highly unlikely that someone is allergic specifically only to cream because the allergen is found in any dairy product containing milk. So that would irritate me no end.

I used to run events and I can assure you that a huge number of people fake allergies just because they don’t like the food. Not that they’re allergic to it.

I’ve had:

• allergic to all potatoes apart from chips
• allergic to courgette, pepper and aubergine but if made in a veggie lasagne is fine
• cannot eat chicken (turns out did not like chicken)
• cannot eat slimy food like mushrooms
• cannot eat blue cheese but normal cheese like cheddar is fine

Then the random requests of what they can eat instead:

• could I request a steak medium rare (when steak wasn’t even on the menu)

And my favourite:

“could I have a jacket potato with beans instead of what the chef will serve” at a Michelin starred restaurant

People are weird

@jellybeansforbreakfast

This is ignorant to. A person intolerant to dairy may end up vomiting at the wedding or stuck on the loo all evening. Not really. I'd just leave whatever I was intolerant to on the plate. I am not stupid about such things.

Quite

@Havehope21

I would send out a copy of the menu and then say that those with allergies and/or intolerances are welcome to bring their own food. Problem solved.

This may well be the way forward for all weddings.

@Queenbean

I used to run events and I can assure you that a huge number of people fake allergies just because they don’t like the food. Not that they’re allergic to it.

I’ve had:

• allergic to all potatoes apart from chips
• allergic to courgette, pepper and aubergine but if made in a veggie lasagne is fine
• cannot eat chicken (turns out did not like chicken)
• cannot eat slimy food like mushrooms
• cannot eat blue cheese but normal cheese like cheddar is fine

Then the random requests of what they can eat instead:

• could I request a steak medium rare (when steak wasn’t even on the menu)

And my favourite:

“could I have a jacket potato with beans instead of what the chef will serve” at a Michelin starred restaurant

People are weird

Being allergic to certain cheeses and not others is fairly common, especially blue cheeses, often linked to penicillin allergies.

I’m allergic to raw peppers, cooked peppers in a lasagne etc are perfectly safe for me to eat.

If you think they're being wankers about it then ask them to bring a packed lunch as the kitchen can't cater for it.

Plenty of them probably are taking the piss but you also need to educate yourself about allergies. I am coeliac. I absolutely cannot have gluten. I will be incredibly unwell if I do. But I still won’t need an epipen.

Some people really need to get educated on allergies and food intolerances.

@Queenbean that is shocking. I guess I should have expected it but honestly figured people would just be sensible and not eat anything they dont want to eat. We of course will cater to anyone insistent that they have an allergy but I do think it is unfair to flippantly say they have an allergy when its very clear they don't. An allergy is a very different ball game to an intolerance or a personal preference.

@Tsubasa1

Some people really need to get educated on allergies and food intolerances.

Quite scary that an event manager above lacks basic allergy knowledge.

@TheBirdIsTheWord I have a food intolerance to oats and corn, I have thrown up for 24 hours when eating either of those foods. I also have coeliac disease. Do you really think that I can just go to an event and eat the foods I'm intolerant to? Is it so difficult to offer me something else? Do you think I have a miserable life and can't eat practically anything cos it's just a fad?

Not RTFT yet, but just picking up on this by @Popskipiekin:

A couple of my friends are allergic to pepper (bell pepper and also black pepper)

This is the type of thing I find it hard to understand. As far as I'm aware, black pepper is actually a berry from a vine-like plant. Unrelated to bell pepper. I think there is such a thing as a nightshades allergy and bell pepper falls into that category. But black pepper is a different thing. I suppose your friend could have 2 different allergies though.....

I don't know, I'm no expert, but you only have to google allergies to bring up loads of websites by hippy yoga types claiming to be allergic to this, that and the other, and loads of companies claiming they'll allergy test you. Recently I overheard a young man recommending to a young woman colleague that she should get allergy tested because he'd found out he was allergic to loads of things after using one of those testing companies. He reeled off a long list of foods that he "couldn't have", it was huge. Many unrelated food/allergen groups. It's just weird. Like a mild form of mental illness.

I say this as a parent of someone with a peanut allergy, and I have a friend who is coeliac so have a little experience of medically diagnosed allergies. NOT "nutritionists" or homeopaths advertising their allergy-testing services on a website.

@Tsubasa1 not sure what this has to do with your intolerances. Please point out where I've said I think you can go to an event and eat stuff you're intolerant to. I've never said that I think people can just eat what they're intolerant to. So what's your point. As I've said previously, I'm happy to cater for people with dietary needs but it's people who are blatantly making things up that are frustrating. It's like saying you have a broken leg and then going for a 5k.

You know what OP, I thought maybe you weren’t actually being that rude but if you can’t see that your epi pen comment is incredibly shitty and basically saying “just be on your guard in case you have a life threatening allergic reaction!! No biggie!” then to be honest you’re just as bad as the rest of the rude commenters.

Just ask them, say you’ve been asked by the caterer and they need to know.
I cannot eat cheese, I’m not anaphylactic allergic to it but it gives me severe diarrhoea within about 20 mins.
I’d tell you if you asked me and I wouldn’t be offended by it. I’d also say if it’s difficult to cater for then I’ll bring some food for me.

Ask and if people get arsey then uninvited them.

@atbreakingpoint123

You know what OP, I thought maybe you weren’t actually being that rude but if you can’t see that your epi pen comment is incredibly shitty and basically saying “just be on your guard in case you have a life threatening allergic reaction!! No biggie!” then to be honest you’re just as bad as the rest of the rude commenters.

I've already said that that wasn't my intention with that comment and that I understood the feedback on it.

I understand what people are saying about my OP coming across rude. It was not my intention, please forgive.