RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

@Georgyporky

Just have a buffet with dishes clearly labelled with their contents. Easier, & probably cheaper.

Buffets are the worst for cross-contamination. Bad idea. You might separate out allergens, but the guests will use the wrong tong with the wrong plate and boom, anaphylaxis.

@Georgyporky

Just have a buffet with dishes clearly labelled with their contents. Easier, & probably cheaper.

As long as the allergy buffet is in a completely different place in the room, and the serving spoons aren’t touched by anyone who has eaten from the standard buffet.

A good buffet would not be a cheaper option.

@Georgyporky

Just have a buffet with dishes clearly labelled with their contents. Easier, & probably cheaper.

Very easy. That way I know I can't eat anything at all due to cross-contamination risk.

it is now plain roasted chicken, boiled green vegetables and boiled potatoes followed by fruit salad

- I have no allergies, but that sounds like quite a nice meal to me. As long as the roasted chicken has lovely crisp skin, and there's a proper lot of butter on the table for the potatoes, and optional hollandaise for the vegetables.

The chefs should be able to create a dish that caters for most of your guests, unless you are being very rigid about what you have and definitely want the creamy mushroom chicken surprise with peanuts or something.

If you don't want to pay the extra then just choose a dish that will siut most people, e.g. something that doesn't contain chilli/ cheese/ mushroom or whatever. There are ways around it if you are willing to be flexible. If you're not willing to be flexible then just pay the extra.

At the end of the day these are your wedding guests and you should try to meet their needs - I wouldn't be happy if I said I had an allergy/ intolerance and it was then questioned by the host.

I also think your venue are being unreasonable if they are charging for very small changes - most caterers are used to having various people with intolerances.

@CutieBear

all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

The cream and cheese “allergies” are fake. If you were allergic to these you would have a milk allergy or lactose intolerance. I have food allergies and it infuriates me when people fake it!! It means that others don’t take people with genuine allergies seriously!

This comment betrays such ignorance.

I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but I definitely have some form of dairy or lactose intolerance. But it’s only certain dairy products that cause me problems. I can’t drink milk, but ice cream is ok. Uncooked cheese is fine, but cooked cheese (e.g. on pizza or in macaroni cheese) is disastrous.

It’s not an allergy as such, but it’s absolutely guaranteed to leave me shitting hot lava for a couple of hours within twenty minutes of eating it. So if I’m going to a wedding you can bet your bottom dollar I’m telling them I’m allergic to it, because the alternative isn’t going to make me a very desirable wedding guest.

It’s not hard to accommodate allergies and intolerances. Caterers do it all the time. It would actually be more effort for the OP to send a snarky and rude email to her allergy sufferers trying to weed out the ‘fakes’ than it would be to just give the allergens list to her caterers and let them plan a dish, as they do all the time as a routine part of their job.

@mariemare I would never force anyone to eat anything that would make them ill.... so 'i wouldnt make myself ill for a bridezilla' comment is a bit silly. You really just wanted to use the bridezilla word. Also, you'd rather die than tell people where your epipen is... okay, you do you. Cross-contamination is always a risk in catering. Your whole response is a bit OTT tbh I don't really stay friends with people who are as over dramatic as you, I have enough to not need to bother with drama queens. I'm a pragmatic person and plenty of empathy but I'm not immune to being upset when I know someone is lying to me.

@TheBirdIsTheWord Why do you think you need to know where someones epipen is?

[quote SimonJT]@TheBirdIsTheWord Why do you think you need to know where someones epipen is?[/quote]
For the same reason my nut allergy friend always tells us where her epipen is. If she's having an anaphylactic reaction to something then its kind of useful to know where the epipen is. The sooner it is administrated the better.

My grandkids have coeliac disease and it makes me so angry that people think it's a fad. They can be writhing in agony for days if they eat gluten in error.

I would talk to your caterers about something low FODMAP that can be served to those with and without the genuine conditions.....it's better to be on the safe side than have a medical emergency at the reception.

I'm t2 diabetic and vegetarian and for that reason, I always have a bag of nuts and a protein bar in my handbag just in case there isn't something I can eat if I'm out.

@TheBirdIsTheWord You won’t be administering the autoinjector, there is zero need for you to know where it is. You administering the AI would delay its use.

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean that you were implying it's a fad, OP.... i meant your piss taking guests.

No one is suggesting that genuine allergies or intolerances are a fad. It’s the fake ones who don’t like tomatoes so say they’re allergic to them that people are pissed off with

[quote TheBirdIsTheWord]@mariemare I would never force anyone to eat anything that would make them ill.... so 'i wouldnt make myself ill for a bridezilla' comment is a bit silly. You really just wanted to use the bridezilla word. Also, you'd rather die than tell people where your epipen is... okay, you do you. Cross-contamination is always a risk in catering. Your whole response is a bit OTT tbh I don't really stay friends with people who are as over dramatic as you, I have enough to not need to bother with drama queens. I'm a pragmatic person and plenty of empathy but I'm not immune to being upset when I know someone is lying to me.[/quote]
If you want to alienate all the people in your life who were important enough to invite to your wedding but who happen to have serious allergies, then sure, send your shitty note.

You do know epipens are designed to be self-administered, right? When I go into anaphylaxis, I use my epipen myself and I call my own ambulance. I react quickly enough to get medical help before my throat fully closes up. You grow up as an epipen carrier, you get used to the deal.

FWIW, I was once hospitalised because someone decided to test whether I had a real allergy or not. You sound as if you would be prepared to risk your guests suffering horrible reactions because you think some of them may be putting it on.

Cross-contamination risks can be managed. There's also a difference between a real cross-contamination risk (a fact that people with allergies also know, thank you) and the kitchen not even attempting to keep allergens separate because their customer has failed to inform of them of the very real allergies the guests have.

I used to love salmon. When i was 28 i started to react to it violently with d&v. And every time since. Even small amounts.
Took me a while to work out it was the salmon as i used to eat it with no issues.

I wouldnt bother with a meat or vegetarian option if catering for a party anymore. With muslim friends, vegetarian friends, vegan friends etc Id just go vegan. A nice vegan meal, no shitty boring sorbet in site.

Sight ffs

@CassandraTrotter

I used to love salmon. When i was 28 i started to react to it violently with d&v. And every time since. Even small amounts. Took me a while to work out it was the salmon as i used to eat it with no issues.

I wouldnt bother with a meat or vegetarian option if catering for a party anymore. With muslim friends, vegetarian friends, vegan friends etc Id just go vegan. A nice vegan meal, no shitty boring sorbet in site.

Vegan options frequently have nuts in them, and the OP has already confirmed some of her guests have nut allergies.

People always assume by cutting out a standard food group - so meat eaters to vegetarians to vegans - that they are making the menu more inclusive. In reality, as another poster has already mentioned, vegan food can be problematic if there are allergies involved.

Vegetarian is often the safest compromise with mass numbers.

It sounds like if the OP does a vent diagram, she will be left serving the guests with.... water.

Venn diagram, even.

Numerous allergies and dietary restrictions at my wedding over 20 years ago, we did a nut free buffet (the nut allergies we knew were genuine and very serious and included a young child) and the caterers put flags on indicating which dishes for which requirements - green for veggie, labels for allergens and kosher snd halal

Wasn't expensive and guests took responsibility themselves

I've 2 friends now with allergies to all peppers and related foods they find it incredibly tricky to eat out and generally avoid doing so

You can be allergic to anything and can develop allergies late in life (one pepper lady is in her 60's)

But I do hear you that some may well be just being fussy/awkward

That said there are certain foods that lots of people really dislike - mushrooms is one of them, fish, goat cheese. sprouts, celery, marmite...

So to be honest I would advise avoiding such foods for a wedding anyway. (I used to work in the industry too)

But a polite enquiry would seem to be advisable

For the same reason my nut allergy friend always tells us where her epipen is. If she's having an anaphylactic reaction to something then its kind of useful to know where the epipen is. The sooner it is administrated the better.

Do you think your friends with allergies need you to tell them how to safely manage their allergy? Of course they don’t! And AS IF it would be you administering it anyway.

I was only diagnosed with coeliac disease in January so anyone who invited me to a party a few years ago might assume it's some fad or another but it's not. It's crap and really restrictive. I miss being able to just grab something to eat out without worrying about cross contamination etc.

I personally would just do a Buffet and clearly label what's in each dish, that way anyone who is allergic to something can avoid that particular dish

[quote Kissthepastrychef]@DoItAfraid

You are clearly unable to read very well. I explained in response to another poster why certain people say they are allergic to particular things. Someone else suggested that if you don't like something you push it to the side of the plate. This isn't always possible when it is either an integral part of the dish or you really thoroughly dislike something. I gave my husband's loathing of celery as an example of when the inclusion of a particular food item may prove unpalatable.
At no point in any of my posts have I suggested that my husband (a) says he is allergic to celery or (b) would make a fuss as a guest. If he was a guest he would push it to the side and say when we got home "that was covered in celery, yuck". You seem to be reading things into my posts which aren't there.

Maybe people you know would behave like that. My husband would not.[/quote]
@Kissthepastrychef

I am not sure why your response is so aggressive to me.

I made no reference to your husband at all. I merely mentioned that being a wedding guest is different from say being a restaurant guest - since the cost is being covered by someone else and the invite is not mandatory to accept, if someone is concerned to a high extent that particular ingredients might make the whole meal inedible it might be best to decline.

I can read very well, thank you. Personally insulting me doesn't make much sense, however.