RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

The cream and cheese “allergies” are fake. If you were allergic to these you would have a milk allergy or lactose intolerance. I have food allergies and it infuriates me when people fake it!! It means that others don’t take people with genuine allergies seriously!

Only the ones who have been faddy eaters - vegans and the like - have 'food allergies...'

What a bloody stupid comment. So my DH’s anaphylactic allergy that has hospitalised him several times (first time as a toddler), is due to his faddy eating as a baby is it.

I'm someone who hates mushrooms and the veggie option is a mushroom based dish. Which obviously on a personal level I'm disappointed about! But how could my friend pick something that she knows absolutely everyone will like? It's just one of those things

Yes - it’s unfair that meat-eaters might not like something in their set menu main dish and so can choose the vegetarian option if they’d prefer it, but vegetarians only get one choice and if they hate goats cheese, butternut squash or mushrooms or red peppers they’re stuck with it. But set menus are never about offering optimum choice to everyone, really. And bring vegetarian is a limiting choice in itself anyway, so you’re signed up to that.

I think in a way you’re better off with a dish that’s vegetarian and relatively bland at its core (risotto Milanese, potato Boulanger and seasonal vegetables, roast vegetable tagine, biryani) then adding the option for sliced chicken breast or sautéed prawns or mushrooms or aubergine as an extra. Like how you’d cater for fussy kids - one meal for all but keep elements of it separate.

It’s not how most people think to cate, though. We are sort of stick in a chicken roulade with sauce or red pepper tartlet thing.

We had 2 choices for my first wedding - our choice of food (we had a smoked salmon thing and then rack of lamb dauphinois potatoes and veggies, ). We also had the other option - tomato soup, the some kind of veggie risotto with no butter/cheese and fruit salad.

We gave people the option and 95% of the guest went for our choice!

I can’t stand Mayo, but I’d never say it was an allergy. Although I did attend a wedding where the starter was like a posh egg Mayo and the main was a fish stew with a aioli on top. Luckily my lovely thoughtful friend had asked them to leave the aioli off and given me the veggie starter!

I would be pissed off if I were you, it makes a mockery of people with genuine allergies or special diets. Many moons ago I attended my cousin's wedding, there was a set meal of chicken with a vegetarian option, which we had to pre-book. I was sitting with my DPs and a few strangers. When the waitress came to our table she asked who was the vegetarian, I answered and so did another lady. I let the lady have that one and happily waited for mine to arrive. The waitress came back embarrassed saying that all the vegetarian meals had been served and there were none left for me and she apologised profusely for the mix up. I didn't want to make a fuss and embarrass my cousin, so I asked if they could just plate up some potatoes and veg, which they did. As I was eating it the lady who took my the veggie meal said " Oh I'm not actually veggie, but I prefer white chicken meat and didn't fancy a leg." Bloody selfish cow hadn't actually pre-ordered the veggie option.

Oh and also, not everyone who suffers needs an epi pen. People with coeliac disease don’t need an epi pen but they become seriously ill. Food intolerances can be mild to severe, but don’t need an epi pen. You need to ring up (not text) these people and check. You’ll be able to tell if they’re telling the truth by their reaction.

@CutieBear

all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

The cream and cheese “allergies” are fake. If you were allergic to these you would have a milk allergy or lactose intolerance. I have food allergies and it infuriates me when people fake it!! It means that others don’t take people with genuine allergies seriously!

Incorrect, lots of people can be fine with milk but allergic to cheese. Lots of people with penicillin allergies are also allergic to certain cheeses.

[quote shakingstevensfan]@SchrodingersImmigrant gets lots of mouth ulcers within minutes of eating certain nuts. It is not life-threatening, just painful for quite a while.[/quote]
I get mouth/throat ulcers and the skin slides off like a burn or my eyes swell up and shut (like I have been punched) if either are touched with latex but those are the only two areas effected and touching my skin with latex gloves does nothing - its so bizaare how allergies work.

My food allergy acts alot like wheat or lactose issues except its a protien issue, it causes my stomach to let of a shockingly loud rumble (people usually cant believe how loud until hearing it themselves) and painful bloating and vomiting as the immediate symptoms similar to food poisioning.

The problem is the long term damage, each exposure causes scarring to my intestines, if you get too much scarring you need surgery to bypass that areas (and can end up with colostomy bags etc...).

But because neither are anaphalactic or cause 'hives' often many non medical people dont believe its a real allergy.

@DeathByWalkies

YANBU to go and ask if this is an allergy, intolerance or preference.

I don't believe for a second that it's possible to have a cream allergy without also having a milk allergy / more general dairy allergy!

If I have cream I will be doubled over with cramps and the shits and sweating within 4 hours.

I don’t get that reaction from milk or other dairy produce unless I eat an awful lot of it! I generally have 1/2 cups of tea a day with milk in and will have a babybel sized piece of cheese most days and that’s just fine.

I would have replied no to having any allergies though to OP, as I don’t consider it an allergy! If there was cream in/on the pudding I’d either eat it and suffer the consequences or leave it!

Just do something like chickpea stew and rice or veggie tagine with quinoa to cover all the allergies and vegans.
The actual vegans will be happy with that and the fibbers will be gutted haha

Bear in mind that allergies can come on later in life or get considerably worse. I used to eat things with sesame in quite happily until I was into my 40s, now it makes me really ill.

@AlohaMolly that's like me with diclofenac! I always say no to allergies as I'm not allergic to it but after one dose I need gas and air for the stomach pain and I look like I'm in labour
Maybe when people are replying to food requests I guess there's a vast range in between anaphylactic shock and "cucumber repeats on me"

Dh is guilty of pretending to be allergic to cheese when booking restaurants or RSVPing to functions. He isn’t, he just doesn’t like it.

No idea why anyone would make this up. Lots of people have allergies which are not epi-pen worthy, more just projectile vomiting out of the blue. Which obviously is also not cool at a wedding.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

If I got this message, I wouldn't tell you where my epipen was. Instead, I wouldn't go to your wedding and I wouldn't speak to you ever again.

I know what you're trying to do, but it's incredibly offensive to those of us who genuinely have allergies. FWIW, some things will kill me, others won't, but the ones that won't kill me will still make me severely ill. I'm not making myself ill for any bridezilla.

Your response would make me not trust the catering, so I wouldn't go to the wedding, and it would destroy my trust in you as a person, so I wouldn't maintain the friendship.

Life is hard enough when you're allergic to pretty much everything without shitty messages like the one you proposed. Take a beat to grow some empathy.

I developed a life threatening allergy to tree nuts and sesame having been able to eat them previously. So that can happen.

I am aware that catering for me is a pain in the arse though and I always say that I totally understand if they can’t, especially for things like weddings. I’d hate a host to be making posts like this about me, would rather go hungry!

My twins are both allergic to dairy but it’s not an anaphylactic reaction. It’s bloody horrible though - terrible pain for days, poos that burn their skin off and make them bleed, eczema everywhere. So just because someone has an allergy that affects them doesn’t mean they’ll have an epipen.

However, I am sick of people making up allergies as it makes people take real ones less seriously.

There are lots of foods I don’t like - I’ll just eat round them if I have to!

@Zzelda

Bear in mind that allergies can come on later in life or get considerably worse. I used to eat things with sesame in quite happily until I was into my 40s, now it makes me really ill.

Its so annoying, my raw pepper allergy is fairly recently, I love raw peppers and they’re in so many things. My strawberry allergy (which is related to my kiwi allergy) is also worse now, in the past I could eat them and just have an itchy throat/mouth, now I get hives, swelling, vomiting etc.

@Itwontstopraining

I think you could ask if it's an allergy, intolerance or preference because your caterers need to know for food prep/cross contamination issues? That wouldn't be unreasonable given that those with a significant allergy need the guarantee of meals being separately prepared or even certain ingredients off the menu altogether

This.

Plus anyone with allergies can have a plain vegan option without cream etc. And if they wanted meat or cheese or whatever - Tough Titties. You can't order 10 different options

@mariemare

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

If I got this message, I wouldn't tell you where my epipen was. Instead, I wouldn't go to your wedding and I wouldn't speak to you ever again.

I know what you're trying to do, but it's incredibly offensive to those of us who genuinely have allergies. FWIW, some things will kill me, others won't, but the ones that won't kill me will still make me severely ill. I'm not making myself ill for any bridezilla.

Your response would make me not trust the catering, so I wouldn't go to the wedding, and it would destroy my trust in you as a person, so I wouldn't maintain the friendship.

Life is hard enough when you're allergic to pretty much everything without shitty messages like the one you proposed. Take a beat to grow some empathy.

I agree. DH, who has an anaphylactic allergy, wouldn’t go to an event if he got this message. Or if he didn’t, he wouldn’t feel comfortable to eat a thing.

I went into anaphylactic shock at a wedding once when the caterers, who knew I had a nut allergy, served bread with nuts in to the whole table. It really ruined the atmosphere for everyone, so I suggest you are extremely confident that your guests are faking because the alternative is being known as that bride who poisoned her guests.

We had some odd ones for our wedding too - allergic to pork but not bacon or sausages was the one that stuck with me.
We settled for afternoon tea in the end as it was cheaper and easier!

I get it OP. My auntie requested no chicken or fish for my wedding then ate my uncles salmon fishcake starter.
It's not the genuine allergies that are a problem it's those that state their preferences are actually allergies when they aren't.

Those people suggesting just serving the vegan option to those with allergies ate really only thinking about the big 8 allergies. Vegan dishes are full of all kinds of allergenic ingredients.

Just have a buffet with dishes clearly labelled with their contents.
Easier, & probably cheaper.

I also gave people who said they couldn't eat one or more of chocolate/ pastry/ cream/ coffee etc a vegan dessert of fruit sorbet.

Cue loads of moaning about why didn't they get the non vegan dessert of chocolate and coffee ganache.
Or why couldn't they have 'just' a fruit salad? Or 'just' another option. Basically because the sorbet was too boring and they wanted to play up.

Honestly, you'd think people would be happy with a free meal. Not in the least