RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

Whilst I have experience of people with allergies choosing to eat the unsafe food after I have specifically gone out of my way at my expense to get them what they asked for, so I do sympathise... Your ignorance on allergies is obvious. Many allergies are non IGE so wouldn't need an EpiPen, but they would have vomitting/diarrhoea/severe bloating/flatulence/stomach cramps/eczema either soon after eating or that night/the next day. For people with IBS they might be in a low FODMAP diet, eating foods off the list such as garlic or certain vegetables that seem like a made up allergy could have them needing time off work with an attack. Something like OAS (oral allergy syndrome) often only appears later in life and causes people to have itchy mouth or painful hives or ulcers when eating certain fruits and vegetables.

For those you have genuine reason to believe might be made up (the Instagram photo example) I would message for clarification. Don't ask about epipens because that is ignorant. Get to the bottom of the truth.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Practically everyone I know these days has a gluten "allergy" without having coeliac disease. I just can't be bothered to cater for it.

This is true but the perks are there’s a lot more options in the shops for us actual coeliacs so I try to see it in a positive light... although it does mean people think cross contamination isn’t a problem!

Poor you OP

I have a couple of allergies, as does my DD. I find these types of situations deeply embarrassing. We hate making a fuss and all these types of difficulties but if you do ask, people are going to tell you.

I totally understand your frustration as it's a fraught situation. We normally ask to see the menu and go from there. Our biggest concern is a kitchen saying they can help, but then finding it difficult on the evening and safety compromises being made. If we're not super confident, we are very happy to take our own food and have it plated up. Most folk are happy with this, but I almost fell out with a work friend who took the hump at the suggestion.

I would go back to each one and ask if it's anaphylactic or just something they avoid. Ask how they normally handle it and see what is said. Perhaps a vegan (rather than veggie) option is a good idea.

Congratulations and hope the wedding goes well!!

I feel for you. While there are majority of people who do have allergies, it's always such a headache when you get "I am allergic to x" so everything is careful so there is no cross-contamination and when you get the food to them and say "Chefs were following the allergy protocols so you don't have to worry about tomato on it" you hear "Aw thank you. I really just don't like them so this is nice"😑

However things like nut allergies and peanut, I would take ALWAYS seriously. Bastards hide in so many things.

Some of the meal suggestions sound good here!

@jellybeansforbreakfast

Write back to EVERYONE who sent in their allergy with

Dear X,

Just to let you know that the additional cost of supporting the high number of guests with allergies has meant that we have decided to change the menu quite considerably it is now plain roasted chicken, boiled green vegetables and boiled potatoes followed by fruit salad. Please let us know if anything in that would cause you any issues.

We are so glad that so many let you know as we had no idea that cream, mushrooms, peppers, chilli etc caused so many issues. Peace and Love xx

I think something like this for those people you know are chatting shit would be great if you could sort it. Serves them right the cheeky shits. We got married about a decade ago and luckily we had none of this shite. I was (and still am) veggie so I had a veggie option and we had one vegan guest who got a slightly different vegan meal too. That was literally it.

DH has since become a veggie and we are attending a wedding this summer with DD who we are raising veggie. We obviously have let our hosts know when asked and there is a veggie option for us including a veggie children's meal option for DD. I hate to think my friend is possibly having to navigate loads of people suddenly making up faux allergies. And I'm someone who hates mushrooms and the veggie option is a mushroom based dish. Which obviously on a personal level I'm disappointed about! But how could my friend pick something that she knows absolutely everyone will like? It's just one of those things and in fairness I don't think I've ever met another veggie who doesn't like mushrooms, I've attended sooo many events where the main veggie option is mushroom based. I just eat the other stuff and pick the mushrooms out and get on with it. It never occurred to me to pretend I'm allergic . Cheeky fuckers.

@SchrodingersImmigrant even with nut allergies it depends how severe. My DP is fine with picking nuts out. But if there is a lot of hidden ground down nuts that can be an issue.

in fairness I don't think I've ever met another veggie who doesn't like mushrooms

Not liking mushrooms is actually very common, even among veggies. I don't eat meat either, and have always hated mushrooms.

(I wouldn't list that as an allergy though)

Haha, I had the same with my friends at my wedding about fish. I knew for a fact they weren't allergic to fish, they just didn't like it. We continued to have fish as part of our wedding menu. I thought it was very cheeky to expect us to change our wedding menu choices because of something they don't like.

@donquixotedelamancha

Presumably the caterer does a vegan option? Can you make sure that covers all the ‘allergies’ (pick something that’s not mushroom) as well as genuine vegetarians, vegans, halal etc.? I would make an effort to substitute for any gluten allergies but other than that they get the dish with the problematic element removed.

This. Vegan already covers the dairy intolerent. Just remove mushrooms, nuts, peppers and all spices from the vegan option. Talk to your caterers about what they have which covers this and is cheap too.

According to other threads vegan food is apparently delicious, so you shouldn't get any complaints from the poor alergy sufferers.

Oh, joy. I'll just have the blandest meal on the table, please. It's a fair exchange for being allergic to cow's milk/lactose. No, no, you all enjoy your carefully prepared meals that I could eat if they weren't all covered in dairy.

TBH, the best catered meal I ever had was one where there was a load of undressed salad items and fresh fruit that hadn't been meddled with. Whilst everybody else tucked into the starters, salmon, prawns, chicken and steak, all with compulsory creamy sauces, I sat there eating carrot sticks, tomatoes, cucumber, olives and loads of fresh fruit. And then got moaned at by people who had already had their chocolate cakes and ice creams but fancied some fruit as well. Sorry, my entire calorie intake was probably around 229 kcal whilst yours was in the thousands. Excuse me for not wanting to nibble on a single strawberry in case you had some room left after your gargantuan feast that needed filling.

[quote shakingstevensfan]@SchrodingersImmigrant even with nut allergies it depends how severe. My DP is fine with picking nuts out. But if there is a lot of hidden ground down nuts that can be an issue.[/quote]
Oh yeah, but they are the most severe usually so extra care on nuts in here. Does he have skin reaction?

I'm really surprised at how much venom/hatred there is on this thread for people with allergies tbh

I'm not, its pretty fashionable to hate people with allergies or assume they are "faddy" and disbelieve them or for real fun sneak the ingredients into something.

OP: all the items listed are common on the food allergy lists, often whole groups are an issue because they contain the same allergen. Most people with food allergies don't have epi pens and anaphylaxis is not the only reaction possible.

If you sent me that snotty follow up I'd assume you didn't actually want us there and for some weird reason wanted us to say 'no' rather than leave us off the list. I'd send our regrets, but rather more politely than your note is phrased.

I have a life threatening kiwi allergy, fairly easy to avoid as it isn’t a common ingredient. I however have a non-life threatening allergy to strawberries and raw peppers (they’re fine once cooked), if I eat these I come out in hives, I get slight swelling, I vomit within minutes, suffer dizziness and have a bad stomach for 1-2 days. I have had people attempt to feed me raw peppers because they have convinved themselves that a raw bit must be okay if cooked ones are okay.

If a professional kitchen can’t easily manage an allergy they’re a bit crap at their job. With a wedding you either choose to feed people or don’t, you can’t cut people out due to what is for you a minor inconvenience.

@forinborin
The York Test, a variety of mail order blood drop/hair sample tests, the Vega machine, applied kinesiology, and other variations that range from pseudo-science to outright fraud are partially responsible for a lot of the 10+ point lists. It's sad really, because there are kids being deprived of lots of healthy foods based on this 'evidence'. They're often turned to when GPs can't provide an answer. The giveaway is when the list contains lots of 'moderate' and 'slight'

@SchrodingersImmigrant gets lots of mouth ulcers within minutes of eating certain nuts. It is not life-threatening, just painful for quite a while.

The mistake you made OP was asking people if they had allergies. People with genuine allergies would take steps themselves to make sure they are safe. The pisstakers only come out of the woodwork if you're doing all the running around and stressing about it.

(I have years of experience of this as my mum is 'allergic' to loads of things. The worst one being reality.)

I agree a super plain vegan dish which accomodates all intolerances.

You will doubtless get your non vegan guests who don't have life threatening allergies complaining about how they want a meal with chicken/fish in, but they will have to suck it up. The ones who do have serious allergies will be happy they're not having to bring a packed lunch.

At the last event I organised, we did exactly this. I still got several complaining emails, either from vegetarians/ vegans who were unhappy their meal was so bland and contained no dairy (veggies only), nuts, mushrooms, peppers etc, or from non vegans who thought I should accommodate their weird food predilections within the non vegan meal, or give them a non vegan alternative ie chicken/beef to the fish starter, or fish to the chicken main.

You can't please everyone.

in fairness I don't think I've ever met another veggie who doesn't like mushrooms

It depends on the dish. Vege menus will often have a mushroom starter and a mushroom main course, and that's not great. Mushroom risotto or stroganoff is not normally nice.

@FatCatThinCat - completely agree; in my experience those with a really serious reaction came to me in advance, before we'd even asked the question, to explain they couldn't eat nuts etc. The fussy eaters/ ones who claimed allergies but have never done any kind of testing came out of the woodwork later.

[quote shakingstevensfan]@SchrodingersImmigrant gets lots of mouth ulcers within minutes of eating certain nuts. It is not life-threatening, just painful for quite a while.[/quote]
Ugh. Not envious. Especially with such a common allergy

Ingredient not allergy

When we sent out the invites quite a few people replied with vegan...so we essentially had to make the veggie meal vegan too. Few weeks before the wedding 4/5 of those who wanted vegan were pictured eating steak

Ive had an allergy all my life and been poison MANY times by people who thought I was 'making it up' or 'being fussy' because they 'never heard of that being an allergy'... just feed people something they can eat, venues HAVE to cater for allergies.

I fed two awkward guests at my wedding, the didnt have allergies but insisted they couldnt eat pizza because their lifestyle didnt allow them to eat bread or cheese. After a long back and forward and sending them the menu to choose an alternative themselves they decided to have 'cheese toasties' instead... go figure lol but it still wasnt that hard or expensive.

An intolerance won't kill you, but if you know it's going to give you 8 hours of agonising pain, you're not going to eat the food.

Are you really happy paying £100 per head (common for weddings) only for people to leave their entire meal uneaten? TBH even a strong dislike of food may mean that.

Actually I think the root problem is wedding caterers wanting to limit the options.