RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

Not RTFT but you don't "know" they aren't allergic at all. We had this when eating out once ... DP has a severe allergy to an enzyme in uncooked tomato and carries an EpiPen. We told the wait staff and later he ordered a tomato based dish that was cooked and the rude waitress made a comment about him "not really being allergic to tomato because it was in the dish" but cooked tomato is safe because the enzyme is broken down in the cooking process. He wouldn't go into details tho he would just say I'm allergic to tomato

Caterers are professionals, they'll come up with something that will meet everyone's needs with a lot less drama than you anticipate. The busy caterers (i.e. the good ones) are doing this every week.

I have coeliac disease, it developed very late in life and the views of many ignorant people (as expressed in this thread) are the reason there are certain 'friends' that if we're visiting I'll make sure I eat something first as they're very much of the 'a little won't hurt' mould. For my own wedding it was very simple to request everyone's dietary needs, pass that to the caterer, and let them come up with a simple fixed menu that everyone could find something to choose from.

But forget about trying to cater for everyone else's needs when it comes to the cake. Have the cake you want, and allergen-free cupcakes for those that can't enjoy the main cake.

The main reason that these conditions seem to be more prevalent is that we've got better at identifying them early and intervening. You tend not to get many nut allergic adults if they're all too busy dying in childhood. They died in childhood because people thought they were fussy eaters, playing up, or being awkward. Ignorance kills with allergies.

@YellowScallion

I find the issues can be with cakes these days. A lot of vegan and GF cakes use all kinds of unusual ingredients as substitutes and this can catch those out who have a non-life-threatening allergy but are fine with normal cake

I've found this too, I'm allergic to bananas, not severely and wouldn't normally mention it as likely to be something I can put to one side or obvious like banana cake/banoffee pie which I'd just not have, but banana seems to be cropping up in all sorts of things.

Oh. I'm allergic to bananas too...but I still eat them because yummy! I get a rash on my neck from eating bananas.

I don’t really get the issue. We passed our caterers a list of the people who had allergies and they dealt with coming up with a dish that avoided them, and made sure the right people got that meal on the night. Totally drama free, didn’t cause me any extra work or grief, simply not a problem.

@Crumpledmess

Please don't assume allergies need to be properly diagnosed. My daughter is allergic/intolerant to peaches. We have never had her tested. We just know that if she eats them she immediately vomits, quite spectacularly. So we just don't give her peaches. An official diagnosis will make no difference. They won't kill her, she definitely doesn't need an epi pen. But you wouldn't want to be near her if she ate a slice of peach!

Can I really just encourage you to get some proper allergy testing? Please do. My DS is under a very good allergy clinic and they keep an eye on everything and do the full gamut of testing annually. An official diagnosis may well make a difference, particularly if it turns out her allergy is potentially an anaphylactic one. It may not have had that sort of reaction yet, but it may not mean that she will never have an anaphyliactic reaction. As a parent who has seen her child with an anaphylactice reaction, trust me, you don't want to find out too late that you may need an epipen. Please please do check it out further.

@Noodle764

Do chicken & potatoes for all allergics

I was going to suggest this. Offer a third, allergy menu. Plain as you like: pasta with olive oil/chicken and boiled potatoes or whatever. And send an apologetic “so many allergies that the chef has had to work really hard to accommodate all of them” sort of message.

Your other option is to modify your main course- a lot of people go for roast meat and veg presumably because it’s low allergen and easy to avoid having anything you don’t want.

Pls excuse typos, I am typing quickly.

@BungleandGeorge in my experience most guests would prefer a roast dinner whether they have allergies or not. I find most people, given a choice, opt for simple dishes.

@HasaDigaEebowai

I'd respond back saying

"Dear Fred,
So glad you and Martha can attend the wedding. We're looking forward to seeing you there. I'm sorry to learn of your various allergies. Due to the high number and variety of allergies amongst our guests, we are serving those affected a plain chicken breast with green salad without dressing and a gluten free bread roll and then plain fruit salad for pudding. Please let me know if you would prefer this option or the original menu choice.

lots of love"

But why would you be inviting people you don't like to your wedding?

Is it just a status thing or a grabby-present thing on your part? I mean, anyone you're prepared to write back to and say "Well in that case, you can xxxx off" probably shouldn't have been on the invite list in the first place.

Some people are intolerant, i’m not allergic to soya or cream it does however make me horrendously ill.

@Lovesgood, yes, why not.

I went to a wedding and the vege option was asparagus risotto. A bowl-shaped plateful of cold sticky rice with 2 asparagus spears on top. It wasn't great but it was filling and it was better than the food at a wedding where there was a piece of meat in the vegetarian soup.

I know someone with a nut allergy and someone with a sesame allergy and both would need epipen treatment. I know some coeliacs.

I also know someone who gets bad indigestion if they eat garlic and someone else who bloats if they eat gluten. Neither life thraetening.
And I know a couple of people who would need anti-histamines if they ate shellfish.

Obviously, I would not wish to endanger anyone's life or make them miserable, so a very simple solution would be a very simple meal of nourishing and filling hypo-allergenic food.

@Itwontstopraining

I think you could ask if it's an allergy, intolerance or preference because your caterers need to know for food prep/cross contamination issues? That wouldn't be unreasonable given that those with a significant allergy need the guarantee of meals being separately prepared or even certain ingredients off the menu altogether

I agree with this too. I have some food allergies that I list because nobody wants me to projectile vomit in the middle of the meal so do be aware that not everybody needs an epipen.

@SciFiScream It is fine not being able to eat the cake. It is more that if it has unusual ingredients I just want to know. Flour, eggs, butter/oil, flour, milk are fine. But nut flour, cashew nut butter, etc are an issue. But if a caterer is there who can check ingredients it is fine. I mean I am not 5 years old, I will just leave it if not sure. But would be nice to know.

Currently introducing the baby to all the allergens. Now it's done systematically and when they are quite young. The guidelines have changed over the years though.

I remember one kid in my year with a peanut allergy but 20 years later there's loads. I suspect that cohort were the introduce later group.

Now you start them at 6m and aim to introduce them all by a year (and there's about a dozen!). The current thinking is that early introduction seems to reduce some of them. But you also have to be vigilant against a severe reaction and it's very stressful!

@Kissthepastrychef

Here is a menu suitable for all the diets you've mentioned so far

Roasted butternut squash soup made with veggie stock and - served with crispy bacon lardons for the non veggies and roasted , crispy spicy seeds for the veggies/vegans. Served with rolls or GF rolls for any coeliacs or GF people
..
Chicken or salmon en papillotte roasted with asparagus served with sauce vierge (cherry tomatoes, capers, lemon, olive oil and shallot) new potatoes and veg. Any veggies could have grilled halloumi with the same accompaniment
...
Meringue glacé served with fresh berries and a raspberry or champagne sorbet

That accommodates all your diets in one easy hit.

Perfect :)

Was going to suggest must be a menu that caters fir all those allergies

And yes you last sentence of first post

I would say due to allergies the venue for their insurance would like to know all have an epi pen and can they confirm

People might be saying allergy when they mean intolerance.

I have IBS so while I can eat broccoli it’s not worth it in 6 hours when I have awful bloating / stomach issues and have to run to the toilet.

It’s taken me ages to work out what the issues are. Maybe some people have something similar?

Many people hate mushrooms so don’t include them.

How many guests are we talking who have dietary requirements?
You don't need to organise a new meal for each an every one of them. Speak to the manager at the venue, they should be able to prepare these meals without said ingredient.
Nuts can be lethal. If there's anyone who can go into anaphylaxis you don't want to be serving them in food. Cream/cheese even an intolerance you don't want your guests being on the toilet all night. Also guests with hiatus hernia, gall bladder/bile duct problems can be affected by dairy. Can chili cause heartburn? I'm not sure.
I know it's not ideal with it not being straightforward but it's par for the course catering for large groups.
It shouldn't be a huge problem for the venue, they should be able to manage this so you and your guests enjoy their meals.

Yabu as allergiss and intolerances develop over time. Why would they make it up?

I also sometimes think it must be an exaggeration, although I immediately feel bad after. Last year's DC birthday, out of 9 children invited, 7 declared special dietary needs and it was a total headache to think what we could serve so that everyone is safe and happy (luckily, there was some overlap, mainly in the gluten-free / dairy-free category). Either a statistical outlier, or... I don't know.

@BiggerBoat1

It must be very annoying but I really don't think you can say something along the lines of we'll be ignoring your allergies so bring your epi pen and good luck!

100% this! I'm allergic to nuts and would either bring a packed lunch or not come. I wouldn't be impressed.

@cindarellasbelly yes some good points as to why , although I don't know if death rate was high in 80's in children?
Breastfed / formula maybe but both myself and brother formula and apart from brief blackberry allergie myself we have no allergies, yet my bf son and cousins have a few ?
I guess it will be multiple things though, be good if we knew why as then we might be able to help those that do have them

The trouble is, far too many have jumped on to the 'allergic' bandwagon and are giving genuine allergy sufferers a bad name.
( don't get me started on the person who is 'allergic' to all red/tomato sauces other than a particular well-known brand! )

It's almost impossible to cater for a large group these days and I feel sorry for bridal couples who are working on a tight budget.

I'm not sure what the way forward is. Maybe ask every single person what they're prepared to eat and then cough up ten times more than people did twenty/thirty years ago ( inflation included.)

@forinborin

I also sometimes think it must be an exaggeration, although I immediately feel bad after. Last year's DC birthday, out of 9 children invited, 7 declared special dietary needs and it was a total headache to think what we could serve so that everyone is safe and happy (luckily, there was some overlap, mainly in the gluten-free / dairy-free category). Either a statistical outlier, or... I don't know.

If the gluten-free is coeliac related, then there is frequently an overlap with dairy-free as the bit of the gut that's damaged by coeliac disease is the bit responsible for digesting dairy. The ability to digest dairy frequently returns to normal if the gut is allowed to heal on a GF diet.

Coeliac disease is one of the most common dietary needs, affecting around 1% of the population but higher in some ethnic backgrounds. Something like 30% of the population carry the gene for it.