Page 5 | Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

Crowsaregreat · 02/06/2021 09:00

Caring for a newborn is hard. Some are harder work than others just like some full grown people are harder work than others!

The transition into parenting is also hard. Your brain reconfigures and you have to develop new instincts and manage the change to your relationship plus injuries to your nethers and milky boobs and a monster period. Plus epic sleep deprivation.

It is all very hard. Second time I found it much easier because I knew about babies, my relationship was already reconfigured, and if already accepted the loss of freedom.

It doesn't exactly get easier but you get more confident in your judgement and abilities, plus eventually more sleep. Good luck!

lavenderandwisteria · 02/06/2021 09:00

There is a way of phrasing all that though, babyboom

There is gently, like you did, and there is inferring that anybody who can’t or struggles to shower with a newborn is an idiot who should not be permitted to pro create, as lemon did.

Original poster

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:01

@WhoopsieFairy

Thank you! I can totally relate to the walking around in the same clothes just different colours for easy boob access!

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WhoopsieFairy · 02/06/2021 09:01

Sorry another thing. Rather than letting ds cry (which stresses me out so much I get drenched in mum sweat) I have bouncy chairs in every room like bathroom, basement where we do our laundry. So I put him in there whilst I go about my business. If he gets annoyed I give him random but safe items to play with. Have managed to wash and toilet like this so far. Showing on the other hand is different. Need to wait till DH can take him for that.

newmumfeb21 · 02/06/2021 09:02

@babyblues21

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

@babyblues21 I could have written this word for word when DS arrived in early Feb (clue's in the name!) I spent countless hours Googling "when does this get easier??" - all the advice said to put him in the sling or to take him out in the pram - we did, he still cried relentlessly (whilst all other babies we encountered appeared content).

There was a shift at 7/8 weeks - suddenly he stopped howling every time we went out in the pram and permitted me to put him down on his bouncer etc. Then he started smiling at us (as opposed to just inanimate objects) and things have slowly improved from then.

Solidarity with you and hope things improve very soon.

Original poster

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:03

@lavenderandwisteria

There is a way of phrasing all that though, babyboom

There is gently, like you did, and there is inferring that anybody who can’t or struggles to shower with a newborn is an idiot who should not be permitted to pro create, as lemon did.

Thank you

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Original poster

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:05

@WhoopsieFairy

Sorry another thing. Rather than letting ds cry (which stresses me out so much I get drenched in mum sweat) I have bouncy chairs in every room like bathroom, basement where we do our laundry. So I put him in there whilst I go about my business. If he gets annoyed I give him random but safe items to play with. Have managed to wash and toilet like this so far. Showing on the other hand is different. Need to wait till DH can take him for that.

I have the horrible mum sweat too when she's screaming 😣 it's awful. I can't leave her like that, I just can't! I've got a bouncy chair thing in the bathroom and when she's not sleeping and just in an alert state she will at times happily sit in that, just means I can only shower when she's in that state, not when she's asleep. Tricky if we need to get out somewhere on time.

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Original poster

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:06

Thank you @newmumfeb21 x

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JellyTumble · 02/06/2021 09:07

Some nights he's even offered to do the full night wake ups with her (with my expressed milk) so I can rest despite him working next day. However I can't rest or sleep through- when she wakes I wake.

Why not sleep in a separate room? On the sofa? Or even a floor bed of pillows/blankets?

We did that when LO was born - took it in turns in the bedroom, the other stayed in the lounge so we both got a decent, uninterrupted nights sleep.

Babyboomtastic · 02/06/2021 09:07

@lavenderandwisteria
That's true, but I can understand how people get cranky sometimes and don't phrase things gently (I've probably done it enough).

Re taking baby to toilet with you, baby in shoulder, support with one hand, alternate hands whilst pulling down pants (or don't bother), wipe it with one hand, don't bother putting pants back on (this works better with dresses and skirts, lol so plan ahead) and alternate washing and drying your hands. It's doable but a faff (hence why I prefer the slings as both hands free) but better than making yourself ill.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 02/06/2021 09:07

Is there a sling library near you that's open?

Try to find a sling that works, or else you have to weigh up how desperate you are for a wee etc (and put her down to scream for a few minutes) versus how much you want to keep the peace.

You have my sympathies OP, I had a high needs baby as a lone parent and it was awful. It also turned out to be partly influenced by silent reflux (as with a pp).

Pre-prepping food (wrapped sandwich or something that won't go off) and leaving it near where you sit is also helpful.

Original poster

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:08

I did find the newborn stage the hardest, and I can say that as the mum of a teen.

Yep. My teen had pushed me to my limits at times over the past few years but Christ, it's nothing compared to how I feel now!

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gabsdot45 · 02/06/2021 09:09

Parenting at all ages has its challenges.
I found toddler age really difficult. Tantrums. Potty training, kid needed to be watched constantly in case they got into something dangerous or broke something
Now I have teenagers and that's a whole different type of difficult.
However the good far out weighs the bad.

Original poster

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:09

@JellyTumble

Some nights he's even offered to do the full night wake ups with her (with my expressed milk) so I can rest despite him working next day. However I can't rest or sleep through- when she wakes I wake.

Why not sleep in a separate room? On the sofa? Or even a floor bed of pillows/blankets?

We did that when LO was born - took it in turns in the bedroom, the other stayed in the lounge so we both got a decent, uninterrupted nights sleep.

He takes her downstairs and I still hear her crying 😣

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Moriarosesbebe · 02/06/2021 09:09

@babyblues21

Like right now, she's fast asleep on me after a good long feed. I'd bloody LOVE to be able to have a shower or eat something right now. But I know categorically for sure that if I put this baby down so I can do something, I'll have 5 minutes tops before she wakes and screams at me because I dared to put her down.

How can anyone meet their own basic needs like this? Do I just let her scream? 🙈

I remember that feeling. My LO was an absolute velcro baby, easy in comparison as he slept relatively well at night and DH sometimes did nights as he was bottle fed. But it was still relentless. You are doing everything you can to support baby and while this time will pass your needs are just as important and immediate. One thing I found helped my mental state was to sleep in leggings, a comfortable t-shirt and sports bra (or comparable for BFing for you). That way if it was hours before I managed to get dressed I didn't feel as grubby. Also meant when the delivery driver arrived with the latest gadget to fix my problems I was somewhat presentable. I survived mainly on chocolate bars and snacks which I don't recommend, maybe your DH could make some easy to eat with one hand lunches the night before? It will get easier, once mine was a little bit more aware of his surroundings I could pop him in the bouncer in the bathroom while I showered. Unfortunately I felt that the moment I finally figured out the stage in was in, he moved on to the next one and I was clueless again.

Original poster

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:10

@JellyTumble

Also my body and boobs wake me up automatically as they're so swollen and painful, I think they "know" it's time for a feed if that makes sense

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Peach01 · 02/06/2021 09:10

It is hard. It's hard because it's new, huge responsibility, youre exhausted, you're adjusting and your whole life has changed in the blink of an eye. You're on the babies time. My baby was a great sleeper and was a breeze with teething, weaning etc even with that it was still hard. It's not unusual to go a day without seeing a hairbrush or forget you need to pee until it's almost out. When they're a bit bigger you can't use the toilet unless their on your knee because they won't have it lol.

Each stage comes with it's own pros and cons. It gets easier in some respects when they can do a bit more for themselves but it's not without it's challenges. You adjust, you become more productive and you manage and enjoy it with experience.

Babyboomtastic · 02/06/2021 09:10

Given your baby hates the sling, then it might be worth taking to your local sling library to see if they can help b it might be that a different one will suit your baby better, or to do with the for or something.

Which one do you have btw?

Original poster

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:11

@EnjoyingTheArmoire

Is there a sling library near you that's open?

Try to find a sling that works, or else you have to weigh up how desperate you are for a wee etc (and put her down to scream for a few minutes) versus how much you want to keep the peace.

You have my sympathies OP, I had a high needs baby as a lone parent and it was awful. It also turned out to be partly influenced by silent reflux (as with a pp).

Pre-prepping food (wrapped sandwich or something that won't go off) and leaving it near where you sit is also helpful.

Yes we have tried a sling but to be fair only tried the one style (she screamed and hated it). Maybe I need to look at another style I can use.

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Lalliella · 02/06/2021 09:12

Oh OP I can totally relate, it’s so tough. No wonder sleep deprivation is a form of torture. I reckon that babies are designed to start smiling on average at 6 weeks because that is the exact time new mums feel like they’re at the end of their tether, and your baby will smile to make you think it’s all worthwhile. IME 6 weeks was the worst time.

I really struggled with DC1 but have to admit with DC2 I did leave her to scream it out and it turned out she was tired and was screaming because she couldn’t settle properly, and she did start to self-settle after that, but maybe I was just lucky.

lavenderandwisteria · 02/06/2021 09:12

I think you must be a hardier woman than me baby but then ds was born in December - possibly easier to wear dresses now!

Slings are great and I love them but they aren’t necessarily the answer to all newborn problems. I found ds wouldn’t tolerate me sitting down when he was in a sling or being inside for long. So I had to be outside and moving. I used it a lot and I still do, but sometimes MN (and I’m not accusing anyone on this thread of this) can be a bit dismissive - ‘just put baby in a sling.’ My friends DD wouldn’t tolerate the sling, at all.

I just remember feeling so lonely and overwhelmed and crap and comments would really upset me especially that one about mother’s bodies being able to provide all the baby needs - way to make those of us who really struggled to breastfeed feel shit!

MsHedgehog · 02/06/2021 09:13

OP, I have a 10 week old and it sounds the same! I tend to have my first thing when you wake up pee in the early afternoon as DS won’t let me put him down at all. I only shower when DH is home and can watch her, and even then it’s in and out as I fear he will cry and need a feed. I have no time for myself whatsoever!

Honestly, I don’t know how I cope, but I do. The best days for me are when I wake up early and DH watches DS whilst I shower and get dressed for the day. It’s still rushed and takes about 20 to 25 minutes, but when that happens, I feel better in myself, and it means I can get out and about in the day, as I’m already showered and dressed. I hate waking up so early when I don’t need to, but I have a much better day when I do. DS only sleeps on me, or in his pram when we’re outside so getting outside gives me that break!

What also gets me through is reminding myself he is a newborn who has only needs, not wants, and he can’t help crying so much. That helps me snap out of the frustration at times, such as when he’s been crying for an hour and won’t stop.

It’s tough, so bloody tough, but knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel helps me power through!

loulouljh · 02/06/2021 09:13

The lack of sleep is very harsh. I am not sure things necessarily get easier but they are different...the challenges become different and you may find them easier to deal with. You also get feedback from the baby when they start to interact with you which definitely helps!

TwoTimingPotatoSalad · 02/06/2021 09:14

I was lucky that DS slept through relatively quickly, from about 2 months and long stretches before that too, so I didn't find it that hard but I can definitely imagine it being really difficult on no sleep. I don't think I'd have managed without sleep. It's why I've been put off having another tbh because I can't guarantee they will be a good sleeper like DS.

Original poster

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 09:15

@Babyboomtastic

Given your baby hates the sling, then it might be worth taking to your local sling library to see if they can help b it might be that a different one will suit your baby better, or to do with the for or something.

Which one do you have btw?

Yeah there's a sling library - we went once before, I will contact them again. We have the caboo carrier

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