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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

463 replies

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:07

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

OP posts:
Somethingvague · 02/06/2021 08:46

@babyblues21 in which case yes it's bloody hard work! I remember feeling totally broken with my eldest. It's survival mode. But it does get easier. Hang on in there. He got happier with every milestone and is now a lovely 3 year old.

I was totally surprised by my second - I'd thought most babies were like my first and was expecting survival mode again. I realised this is why people actually like small babies!

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:47

The new new born stage is torture. It's a trial of endurance. You come out of hospital following labour or surgery, physically and mentally battered after around 9 months of being drained of all your nutrients and immediately go to war with a tiny terrorist.
Sleep when the baby sleeps is the biggest load of shit ever.
Fucking how?
THE BABY IS SLEEPING ON MY BREAST AND INSTANTLY WAKES WHEN MOVED AWAY.

I can strongly relate to all of this!! She's literally asleep at my breast now thus I can't move! 😣
Tiny terrorist is also accurate🤣

OP posts:
LemonRoses · 02/06/2021 08:49

What are your thoughts on not being able to meet your own needs, though? How do you then successfully meet a tiny infant's needs when you can't do basic things like eat sleep and use the bathroom?

I would suggest those are self-imposed and nothing whatsoever to do with a newborns needs.

Babyboomtastic · 02/06/2021 08:49

I have to wait for my partner to get home from work to wash or eat. Sometimes I need a wee for 3 hours plus before I finally get to use the toilet.

Ok, this makes no sense to me in afraid. Take peeing/getting a drink or simple food. You have 3 options:

  1. just wait and wait. This is a crazy idea. Please don't do this.

  2. put baby in sling and have your pee/make a sandwich. Just don't wear a jumpsuit! I've had wees in mine, poos, changed my tampon, given a urine sample, baked, five crests with my older child, all sorts. No crying and you can pee and eat whenever you want.

  3. put baby down and do it quickly. It's ok for them to cry for a minute because you've gone for a pee!!

I'm not saying to carry got drinks or prepare things over a spitting hob, but some toast, a sandwich, things in the microwave etc.

lavenderandwisteria · 02/06/2021 08:50

@babyblues21

Like right now, she's fast asleep on me after a good long feed. I'd bloody LOVE to be able to have a shower or eat something right now. But I know categorically for sure that if I put this baby down so I can do something, I'll have 5 minutes tops before she wakes and screams at me because I dared to put her down.

How can anyone meet their own basic needs like this? Do I just let her scream? 🙈

You’re doing brilliantly Flowers

Do you have a bouncy chair? Ds would sit in for ten minutes while I showered (he’d come in the bathroom) I mean when she wakes up.

MargaretThursday · 02/06/2021 08:50

It does depend on you and your dc. I loved the newborn stage. I always say before they can run away and answer back is so lovely.

I'd say teens is the hardest part I've come across yet, and even that depends on the teen!

lavenderandwisteria · 02/06/2021 08:50

lemon stop Hmm

Januaryissodull · 02/06/2021 08:53

It can be really hard yes.

It can also depend on whether you've got a baby that sleeps all the time or one that screams all the time. But you've just become responsible for this tiny human, it's a big adjustment.

It definitely does get easier, but each stage comes with it challenges.

Cam2020 · 02/06/2021 08:54

Parenting is the hardest job in world! Everyone's experiences and opinions on the miat difficult stage differs, but we all find it tough at times!

Cam2020 · 02/06/2021 08:54

most

MizMoonshine · 02/06/2021 08:55

Also @babyblues21 I take her to pee with me.
It's not glamorous but it is what it is when you've got a clingy baby. 😂

user1471538283 · 02/06/2021 08:55

I used to say to all pregnant women that I didn't wish riches for them I wished their baby would sleep! My DS didn't sleep. He used to if I walked him for miles in his pushchair but as soon as I stopped he would wake up! It is so so hard. I was on my knees most of the time. Unfortunately, he didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 and I honestly don't know how I did it!

I hope your baby soon sleeps so you can rest.

jumpingjackbeans · 02/06/2021 08:56

I found the newborn stage hard. First time around especially. It is relentless.

For me it has got loads easier. I now have a 5 and nearly 3 old and even with the toddler tantrums and my 5 year old being autistic, it is easier than having my eldest as a newborn or having a toddler and and newborn. I love this stage, they're fab little people.

But other people find newborns a breeze and despise having toddlers!

cookiecreampie · 02/06/2021 08:56

One of my 4 kids was an easy newborn, she was just a really calm, satisfied baby. That was probably my easiest stage with her as she became a demon toddler. Two of them had reflux and that made the newborn stage horrendous. So I think it depends.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:56

@LemonRoses

What are your thoughts on not being able to meet your own needs, though? How do you then successfully meet a tiny infant's needs when you can't do basic things like eat sleep and use the bathroom?

I would suggest those are self-imposed and nothing whatsoever to do with a newborns needs.

Needing a wee is self imposed? 🤣

OP posts:
KingdomScrolls · 02/06/2021 08:57

DS was not an easy sleepy baby but DH had six weeks paternity leave so the first six weeks were lovely for me. He didn't like being put down so I just wore a soft along everywhere. Toddlers not so much, he's sweet and loving and funny and so excited by new things but my god is he exhausting and when he wants to be picked up now he's so heavy. I miss sitting on the sofa watching a film with a cup of tea while he fed (again).

KingdomScrolls · 02/06/2021 08:57

I just took DS into the bathroom with me. They can't run away at that age

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:57

@Babyboomtastic

I have to wait for my partner to get home from work to wash or eat. Sometimes I need a wee for 3 hours plus before I finally get to use the toilet.

Ok, this makes no sense to me in afraid. Take peeing/getting a drink or simple food. You have 3 options:

  1. just wait and wait. This is a crazy idea. Please don't do this.

  2. put baby in sling and have your pee/make a sandwich. Just don't wear a jumpsuit! I've had wees in mine, poos, changed my tampon, given a urine sample, baked, five crests with my older child, all sorts. No crying and you can pee and eat whenever you want.

  3. put baby down and do it quickly. It's ok for them to cry for a minute because you've gone for a pee!!

I'm not saying to carry got drinks or prepare things over a spitting hob, but some toast, a sandwich, things in the microwave etc.

She hates the sling, she screams louder in that.

Yes I could leave her and let her cry but it sends my anxiety so high I can't bear it.

OP posts:
Januaryissodull · 02/06/2021 08:57

I did find the newborn stage the hardest, and I can say that as the mum of a teen.

But as you can see here some people absolutely love it.

Just ignore @LemonRoses

NoProblem123 · 02/06/2021 08:58

Definitely the hardest OP !
Toddlers, Tweens & Teens are a lot easier I don’t care what anyone says Grin

No sleep was complete torture, followed closely by hot, sweaty summer baby holds !

Shadedog · 02/06/2021 08:58

Sleep deprivation makes everything awful. Problems with older kids aren’t compounded by this. But, yes, you just let her scream while you go to the loo or get yourself something to eat. It’s unfortunate but you can’t just wet yourself and starve. She’s allowed to cry. My newborn strategy was to stay in bed for 10-12 hours in the hope that I’d get 7-8 hours of broken sleep in that time, it sort of worked but obv puts a crimp on your evenings and I didn’t have teens to look after. It’s much better after 12 weeks or so.

WhoopsieFairy · 02/06/2021 08:58

@babyblues21

My main questions are:
  1. When will I sleep again because I am literally dying from exhaustion and I would sell my right arm for some decent sleep.
  1. When will she interact with me (it's been so long so since my first I can't remember the stages they go through).
  1. When will I have some form of identity again as a person in my own right instead of a human milk machine / rocking / shushing machine?
Hi OP, poor you I totally feel you! I have an almost 8 month old (first child) and could not have been less prepared if I'd tried. The first 3 months were catastrophic, at least that's what it felt like.

In answer to your questions, my opinions so far...

  1. I slept better after 3 months when ds woke up only every 3 hours... Confused. Then the 4 month regression hit and I nearly lost my mind, so decided to cosleep which I never wanted initially. Made the biggest difference to the quality of my sleep. We have bad nights still but so far I don't want to cry out of exhaustion first thing in the morning anymore, yay.
  1. Ds first started smiling at 6 weeks, then stopped and started again properly at 8 weeks. It still took a long time for proper interaction but for a few months now he's blowing raspberries a lot (cute!), generally makes lots of funny noises and can crawl. He only recently figured out how to crawl forwards which resulted in a few weeks of frustration (his) and loud wailing (mine... Kidding, also his). At nearly 8 months he is really cute and funny, but I am looking forward to him being able to speak, there is only so many times you can blow raspberries back at him before your lips go numb and tingly.
  1. I'm still breastfeeding mainly along with some solids so I have yet to reach the point of feeling like myself but it's a lot better than the initial period. A horrible forceps delivery didn't help there. Since I stopped leaking everywhere I feel much better but I still walk around in the same clothes (all the same but different colours..) which were specifically selected for easy boob access. I look fairly frumpy and have given up on fashion for the time being. Would love to wear those flowing ethereal dresses you see on Instagram but I'd just be tripping over our cats and dog making an arse of myself so there we go...

HTH Flowers

Babyboomtastic · 02/06/2021 08:58

@lavenderandwisteria

Lemon is perhaps right though. At least, a lot of us had velcro babies and still ate and drank and went to the loo. And more, a lot of us had velcro second babies which meant the first still needed breakfast, and taking to the loo, or nappies changing. That people manage to balance needs with shortish age gaps means it must be possible to do those things with even a clingy baby. And yes, if that means baby cries for a few minutes, whilst you sort out your basic needs as a human, then so be it (though as I said, things like sounds can be used instead).

lavenderandwisteria · 02/06/2021 08:58

They can’t run away but I’d love to know how you get pants off and on, wipe, wash hands, without putting them down!

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:59

@MizMoonshine

Also *@babyblues21* I take her to pee with me. It's not glamorous but it is what it is when you've got a clingy baby. 😂

🤣
I've actually taken her before whilst breastfeeding. Needs must. Wasn't fun though.

OP posts: