Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

[babyblues21]

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

I found this stage lovely but so hard, you don’t get much back as you do from a toddler or an older baby (my eldest is 3) in terms of smiles, “I love you mummy”, giggles etc.
I also didn’t know what to do with them both at this age! More so the first as the second I was busy with her older sister. I found sitting around the house quite dull! But do miss the sleepy cuddles now that they’re 3 & 1

YANBU. My DS is now an adult and I still tell anyone who asks (or doesn't) that the newborn stage is a fucking nightmare. Around 6 weeks I literally thought I would die. It couldn't be possible to be this tired and survive. In any other job, no matter how physically or mentally grueling, you get to stop after 8 hours and go home. Caring for a newborn goes on 24/7.

It will get easier though!

@MsHedgehog

OP, I have a 10 week old and it sounds the same! I tend to have my first thing when you wake up pee in the early afternoon as DS won’t let me put him down at all. I only shower when DH is home and can watch her, and even then it’s in and out as I fear he will cry and need a feed. I have no time for myself whatsoever!

Honestly, I don’t know how I cope, but I do. The best days for me are when I wake up early and DH watches DS whilst I shower and get dressed for the day. It’s still rushed and takes about 20 to 25 minutes, but when that happens, I feel better in myself, and it means I can get out and about in the day, as I’m already showered and dressed. I hate waking up so early when I don’t need to, but I have a much better day when I do. DS only sleeps on me, or in his pram when we’re outside so getting outside gives me that break!

What also gets me through is reminding myself he is a newborn who has only needs, not wants, and he can’t help crying so much. That helps me snap out of the frustration at times, such as when he’s been crying for an hour and won’t stop.

It’s tough, so bloody tough, but knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel helps me power through!

Thank you this is really helpful.

I'm going to try showering etc before DP leaves for work. It will kill me as I'm already so exhausted but then at least I'm clean for the day! 1 out of 2 isn't bad 🙂

It is. I hated it. Much as I loved my DC. On the bright side - it's a short period of life (though it feels endless) and if you hate it, chances are you will enjoy each later stage more and more. I adored the toddler stage when they could chat away and be cute and cheeky. I loved the primary school stage when they enjoyed spending time with family going out and about, acquiring new skills like riding bikes, swimming etc. And I loved the teens - their passions, their humour, how they get you out of a rut to try new food, new music, new experiences.
The worst bit by far was newborns. It just gets better and better.

Slings are great and I love them but they aren’t necessarily the answer to all newborn problems. I found ds wouldn’t tolerate me sitting down when he was in a sling or being inside for long. So I had to be outside and moving.

So much this!

My baby will happily be in the sling if carried outside by Dad (not me - think she can smell my milk possibly and it frustrates her?). But in the house she won't tolerate it at all, not even with her Dad, and if we try to sit down with her in it... all hell breaks loose 🙈

I'm a big fan of the caboo, but it can be quite tricky to tighten it and get it just right for baby at first. A fit check would at least help establish whether your baby hates that slings, all slings or you need to tweak how you fit it.

Best of luck.

I could cope with the crying for what seemed like no reason because I'd had sleep but DH found that really difficult and didn't like that stage at all either. I remember feeling really sad about that, because it seemed like he didn't like being a Dad. But when we bit about 3 months he came into his own and DS, who was quite colicky, really calmed down and developed his own personality which helped DH bond with him much better.

Good luck OP, it does get easier x

I found 0-16 weeks horrendous with ds1 but it really did get much better after that.

15/16 years old is coming a close second, but at least we can take time out from each other.

Around 6 weeks I literally thought I would die. It couldn't be possible to be this tired and survive. In any other job, no matter how physically or mentally grueling, you get to stop after 8 hours and go home. Caring for a newborn goes on 24/7.

Yes.

It is hard to wake up early to shower and get dressed before DH goes to work, and I absolutely hate it as it cuts into the limited sleep I have, but it just means I can focus on DS all day rather than getting upset it’s 2pm and I’m still in PJs, and haven’t showered or even peed yet. And I always feel better for it.

Also, can the baby sleep on DH too, or just you? In the evenings, I usually hand DS to DH, who sits with him on the sofa, whilst I fall asleep right next to them. I still get interrupted when DS needs a feed but as DH is holding him, he sleeps better which means I get that tiny bit extra sleep for an hour or two which does massively help.

Just seen your sitting down issue - have your tried a yoga ball. Bouncing on that simulates walking, and keeps your torso at an angle they may prefer when in the slings or arms. Then very gradually you can reduce the bouncing. Someone told me this before my first baby and it was so effective we kept it up for about 15m each time.

@JustMeAndWheatley

I found 0-16 weeks horrendous with ds1 but it really did get much better after that.

15/16 years old is coming a close second, but at least we can take time out from each other.

Exactly this! When my teen is a nightmare we argue, off she stomps to her room, off I go to the gym to de stress, we have a few hours of time out, all is well later on. I can't do that with my newborn obviously.

I know I’m weird but I prefer the newborn stage, I found it easiest.

Oh man, honestly its so hard!!!! but I have a two year old now and honestly its amazing, she's an absolute joy and I love spending time with her. Hang on in there OP things get so so much better very soon

@Babyboomtastic

Just seen your sitting down issue - have your tried a yoga ball. Bouncing on that simulates walking, and keeps your torso at an angle they may prefer when in the slings or arms. Then very gradually you can reduce the bouncing. Someone told me this before my first baby and it was so effective we kept it up for about 15m each time.

This is interesting, I've got a pregnancy ball, could try that. Thank you.

@MsHedgehog

It is hard to wake up early to shower and get dressed before DH goes to work, and I absolutely hate it as it cuts into the limited sleep I have, but it just means I can focus on DS all day rather than getting upset it’s 2pm and I’m still in PJs, and haven’t showered or even peed yet. And I always feel better for it.

Also, can the baby sleep on DH too, or just you? In the evenings, I usually hand DS to DH, who sits with him on the sofa, whilst I fall asleep right next to them. I still get interrupted when DS needs a feed but as DH is holding him, he sleeps better which means I get that tiny bit extra sleep for an hour or two which does massively help.

Yes she will sleep on anyone, me, DP or her big sister. She's not particular about who holds her and rocks her to sleep, so long as she's not put down 🙈🤣

@Mulhollandmagoo

Oh man, honestly its so hard!!!! but I have a two year old now and honestly its amazing, she's an absolute joy and I love spending time with her. Hang on in there OP things get so so much better very soon

This makes me hopeful, it's the stage I'm looking forward to! Thank you x

It's incredibly difficult for a lot of people. In my experience the people who say it isn't that bad were in quite fortunate circumstances, recovered fine from labour, had lots of family or partner support and people chipping in to help, a baby that slept a good few hours at a time, didn't have major problems with feeding. And good for them! I have friends who felt that the entire time with a newborn was just a big doss sat on the sofa cuddling them while watching boxsets haha.

But for lots of people it's really, really, really tough. For example our baby had issues with weight due to my insufficient milk supply, so we were on a gruelling cycle of triple feeding. Every three to four hours meant 20m of nursing, a bottle of breast milk, then a bottle of formula, then pumping for half an hour. Changing and putting baby down meant maybe half an hour for sleep before doing it all again (unless I needed to eat). Even with two of us there 24/7 it was debilitating. DH did as much as he possibly could, so he was exhausted too, and I couldn't have a rest due to the nursing and pumping. In retrospect it would have been much better for all of us to have just moved to exclusive formula feeding very early on but hindsight is 20/20 eh.

People like to laugh and say that newborns are actually easy and toddlerhood is where it gets rough but personally I found the first six months the hardest by far, and then after that it's been a breeze. Once they're sleeping well and you're also getting some good sleep, you're in a routine so you know what to expect each day, and your body has properly recovered from the trauma of birth, you grow in confidence and get into the groove a little.

The worst part is when you confide in others you're exhausted and babe won't sleep without being held and your eyes are falling out of your head with sleep deprivation the most common piece of advice is 'enjoy those baby snuggles you'll miss them when they're gone!' haha. Which is just so saccharine and insulting... they might feel that way, but I promise you many parents who found the newborn stage hard wouldn't go back into it for a million pounds. Baby snuggles are lovely but proper amounts of sleep are the key to enjoying life and good mental health imo.

It will pass, you just gotta keep getting through each day. If your baby is still alive and fed and clean then you're doing an amazing job.

Around 4 yrs

It's also worth looking at information and guidance on helping your baby to get some of her sleep in her cot or moses basket, if it's unsustainable for her to always take every single sleep on you or her dad or sister. If that works for you then great, keep going! But I know I wouldn't have managed if DS would only sleep on us, we needed that time to sleep ourselves or get some food or a shower or just have a walk around the house. Six weeks is tiny and she's absolutely normal in wanting to be on you for sleep, but the older she gets the more tricky it can be to help her learn good sleep habits so just bear in mind that when you're ready for her to start sleeping in her own safe sleep space that there's plenty of guidance out there on helping her to transition to that.

And I echo the above poster... toddlerhood is an absolute f-ing joy to experience. It's just incredible. You have so much to look forward to :)

I used to get up and showered before dh left for the day. I was tired but felt better after a shower and then I felt better about going out for a walk or to meet a friend etc which much improved my mood than staying in the house all day, isolated.

Re the toilet I used to take baby with me and lie them down on a folded towel at my feet.

@MsHedgehog

It is hard to wake up early to shower and get dressed before DH goes to work, and I absolutely hate it as it cuts into the limited sleep I have, but it just means I can focus on DS all day rather than getting upset it’s 2pm and I’m still in PJs, and haven’t showered or even peed yet. And I always feel better for it.

Also, can the baby sleep on DH too, or just you? In the evenings, I usually hand DS to DH, who sits with him on the sofa, whilst I fall asleep right next to them. I still get interrupted when DS needs a feed but as DH is holding him, he sleeps better which means I get that tiny bit extra sleep for an hour or two which does massively help.

This is really good advice about the shower. I found that the benefits from showering every morning far outweighed the ten minutes less sleep or rest. I feel terrible if I'm not clean each day and vowed before I gave birth I would make sure I showered every single day no matter what. It really makes a huge difference to your mood and makes it easier to go out spontaneously if the opportunity arises as you don't have that barrier of 'ah I need to shower first/get dressed', you can just pack baby up and go.

You're either a newborn person or a toddler/older child person in my experience OP.

Agree with this. I loved the newborn/young baby stage. My boys were way easier than they are now (3.5 & 6 asd).

My oldest was relatively easy, like clockwork. He nursed every two hours at night but only took 5-7 minutes to nurse and then go back to sleep. We went everywhere. I don’t drive so we’d just walk everywhere, go to cafes and restaurants, take the train to Central London and go to museums and parks . My second slept better but took longer to nurse because he was constantly looking around and then he’d look up at you and give a gummy grin and was easily amused. Bought a tandem double pram and continued doing the same things that I was doing with his brother. Can’t do that anymore, the youngest is an escape artist in the pram and the oldest is sensitive to noise so unpredictable if or when he gets upset and how easy it will be to calm him. Both are climbers and climb on any and everything despite constantly being told to not do so and pulled off. They wind each other up daily and they’re both pure energy with the youngest being the worse. Both still wake and climb into our bed and wiggle throughout the night. Sleep was actually easier when they were babies because I wasn’t constantly kicked and hit in the back, waking up to a chokehold, or finding little feet and toes tangled in my hair.

@ChangePart1

It's incredibly difficult for a lot of people. In my experience the people who say it isn't that bad were in quite fortunate circumstances, recovered fine from labour, had lots of family or partner support and people chipping in to help, a baby that slept a good few hours at a time, didn't have major problems with feeding. And good for them! I have friends who felt that the entire time with a newborn was just a big doss sat on the sofa cuddling them while watching boxsets haha.

But for lots of people it's really, really, really tough. For example our baby had issues with weight due to my insufficient milk supply, so we were on a gruelling cycle of triple feeding. Every three to four hours meant 20m of nursing, a bottle of breast milk, then a bottle of formula, then pumping for half an hour. Changing and putting baby down meant maybe half an hour for sleep before doing it all again (unless I needed to eat). Even with two of us there 24/7 it was debilitating. DH did as much as he possibly could, so he was exhausted too, and I couldn't have a rest due to the nursing and pumping. In retrospect it would have been much better for all of us to have just moved to exclusive formula feeding very early on but hindsight is 20/20 eh.

People like to laugh and say that newborns are actually easy and toddlerhood is where it gets rough but personally I found the first six months the hardest by far, and then after that it's been a breeze. Once they're sleeping well and you're also getting some good sleep, you're in a routine so you know what to expect each day, and your body has properly recovered from the trauma of birth, you grow in confidence and get into the groove a little.

The worst part is when you confide in others you're exhausted and babe won't sleep without being held and your eyes are falling out of your head with sleep deprivation the most common piece of advice is 'enjoy those baby snuggles you'll miss them when they're gone!' haha. Which is just so saccharine and insulting... they might feel that way, but I promise you many parents who found the newborn stage hard wouldn't go back into it for a million pounds. Baby snuggles are lovely but proper amounts of sleep are the key to enjoying life and good mental health imo.

It will pass, you just gotta keep getting through each day. If your baby is still alive and fed and clean then you're doing an amazing job.

We have no family help either at all so we're just a two man team. A bloody exhausted team at that. 😥 I envy those who have family help, so much.