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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

463 replies

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:07

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

OP posts:
Carpy88999 · 09/04/2022 17:20

Wait until you have to parent a toddler...

Chasingaftermidnight · 09/04/2022 17:57

It’s crazy how different babies can be. Without meaning to sound smug I think it’s harder if you get the difficult baby second time round like you have. My first baby was the kind you’ve got. Never slept. Could never be put down. Cried all the time. It was hard even to find time to go to the loo, let alone shower and wash my hair. I was recovering from a traumatic birth and I felt like a shell of a human being. He was nearly an only.

I was so anxious when pregnant with my second - my mindset was ‘winter is coming’. And he’s been a dream baby. Sleeps - and in his crib! Cries only when tired or hungry. Loves a cuddle but also loves to be put down in the buggy or in a playmat or in a bouncer. I feel great.

Anyway. Looking after my first baby was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was filled with dread when I heard other mums saying things like ‘newborns are easy, wait till the toddler years’ because the thought of it being even harder was terrifying. It wasn’t. And it wasn’t until I had my second that I realised that babies can be really, really different, and that when people say ‘newborns are easy’, they mean ‘I had easy newborns’. My second was the easiest thing in the world and if I’d had him first I would have been one of those people.

Solidarity. It does pass. Hope you’re ok.

Xpologog · 09/04/2022 18:20

Yes. Closely followed by parenting teenagers.

TheGoogleMum · 09/04/2022 18:24

It gets better as they start sleeping for longer at night as sleep deprivation is the worst bit. I think about 3 months in I found it a bit better to cope with? I had a baby who slept all day and was awake all night so I had to work to try and correct her for my own sanity

steff13 · 09/04/2022 18:28

It can be challenging. But I think teenagers are more challenging.

luxxlisbon · 09/04/2022 18:40

The newborn phase is hard, a lot of that being the unknown when it’s a first born. I found the 4ish month mark much harder than the early weeks.
Haven’t hit 2 yet but I always think that looks harder every time I see someone out with a toddler.

Sunnytwobridges · 09/04/2022 18:49

I hated it.

mumofEandE · 09/04/2022 18:53

I have a DD(16) - now that is hard!
At least with newborns / toddlers you get kisses and hugs!

Roselilly36 · 09/04/2022 18:54

It’s tough, depending on the baby, DS1 was an absolute breeze, happy, very contented baby, who lulled us into a false sense of security. Pregnant when DS1 was a year old, DS2 arrived, a whole different world, 7 mths of pure hell and the reason why a third was never even considered for a moment, we couldn’t go through all that again. But it does get easier, so keep the faith, and do whatever you need to, you will get through it.

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 09/04/2022 18:58

YANBU
It's so very, very hard, both physically and mentally. I found the responsibility overwhelming. I've never felt tiredness like it. It does get physically much less demanding and much more rewarding as they grow.

PrincessesRUs · 09/04/2022 18:59

I found the 9 months-2 years by far the hardest with mine - newborns are relatively easy as they can't do stuff like lick the bin, pick up cat shit in the garden etc etc etc!!! Horses for courses - mine were both relatively easy tinies who would happily just cuddle whilst I watched tv!!!

AxolotlEars · 09/04/2022 19:02

Not for me and I have 6 kids. When we had our first my uncle said something like "I know it's hard getting used to this little person and beginning to get used to being a parent but it is also difficult talking to a teenager and drawing on every ounce of shared relationship when you suggest that they probably shouldn't do something... particularly if they are tall enough to stare you in the eye" I have found this to be true

Idonea · 09/04/2022 19:35

Newborn stage is lovely. Toddlers is harder.

2bazookas · 09/04/2022 19:35

@babyblues21

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.
It's going to get harder; teething. Tantrums. Teenage tantrums.
pinkBamboo · 09/04/2022 19:36

Teenage years are worse!

pictish · 09/04/2022 19:36

Nope. Parenting teens is.

VestaTilley · 09/04/2022 19:37

Old thread, but just to say it is so hard. Hang on in there, it gets a lot easier.

Sertraline and sleep training saved my sanity.

sleepymum50 · 09/04/2022 19:41

I have a theory that we all have a special photograph of ourselves with our baby at about six weeks.

At the time you remember getting you and the baby nicely dressed and sprucing yourself, remembering to brush your hair, you might even have put makeup on., and checked there was no baby sick on you.

Then months later you look at that photo, and realise there’s a mad woman staring back at you.

You know it’s you, but it’s the version of you that is going thru hell on earth. Wether it’s childbirth injuries, red raw nipples, mastitis, lack of sleep coupled with raging insomnia, hormones gone wild, stress and tiredness like you have never known. It’s you. And then some fucker will come along (often male) and tell you about how having a baby didn’t change their life at all, oh and being pregnant isn’t an illness.

Rhondapearlman · 09/04/2022 19:42

@Cadburycup

Parenting doesn't get easier sorry. It just gets different and at some point, you get a bit more sleep.
Perfectly worded.
Newmumatlast · 09/04/2022 19:50

I didn't find it to be the hardest stage but then lack of sleep is something I had before kids all the time anyway so found it easier on maternity with a newborn than doing my job pre baby. What I found hardest was the return to work with a breastfeeding baby. That was exhausting. And also the boredom of early days with a baby. I think so much depends on what you're used to and also the type of baby you have which is random. You can do this and dont listen too much to other people's experiences is what I'd say as everyone and every baby is different. None of it means you arent doing fab and things wont get better as you settle into it as they will

Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/04/2022 19:51

Oh wow this is my thread from June last year! Can't believe this discussion is still going.

I was utterly exhausted at the time, I remember it well. DD is mow almost 1 year old, is almost walking, chatters none stop, and is an absolute delight. I absolutely love it now. I mean, she's still exhausting as she's on the go 24/7🤣, but she has the cutest little personality I can engage with now, which is just delightful and makes the hard work so worth it.

I did say in my original posts that i already have a teen as well - other DD is 16. So I'm well aware of the teen years. The challenges are vastly different. But for me, overall, I still found the exhaustion and relentlessness of the newborn stage far harder than the teen years.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/04/2022 19:55

@Idonea

Newborn stage is lovely. Toddlers is harder.

I'm finding it the other way around so far. DD is almost toddling and she's on the go constantly and exhausting, but she's also funny, engaging and fun. I didn't find her funny, engaging or fun at 6 weeks old. I just felt like a milk machine feeding and rocking and shushing to sleep. Now, I constantly run after her as she giggles and crawls as fast as she can to get away, which is exhausting but also lifts my heart.

I prefer this stage by a mile. Grin

OP posts:
SmellyOldOwls · 09/04/2022 19:56

@PrincessesRUs

I found the 9 months-2 years by far the hardest with mine - newborns are relatively easy as they can't do stuff like lick the bin, pick up cat shit in the garden etc etc etc!!! Horses for courses - mine were both relatively easy tinies who would happily just cuddle whilst I watched tv!!!
My baby is nearly 9 months so just reaching the kamikaze stage. She got her first bump on the head today - crawled into the edge of the skirting board. Need to have eyes on the back of your head for them during this bit!
Original poster
babyblues21 · 09/04/2022 19:59

In summary, based on my experiences so far with both my DDs, my most to least favourite stages of parenting are:

  1. older baby / toddler
  2. teen
  3. newborn

There's just something so raw and overwhelming for me about the newborn stage. Really isn't enjoyable to me. I think it has something to do with getting feedback from the child I'm engaging with and it being a 2-way relationship. For me, that's where the rewards come in.

OP posts:
Daphnedot · 09/04/2022 20:05

I have twins as a lone parent with no help at all I loved the newborn stage was so easy compared to having 2 toddlers.

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