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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

463 replies

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:07

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

OP posts:
Foreverbaffled · 02/06/2021 08:20

I'm so sorry. It's totally brutal. I felt the same on both occasions. In fact still feeling it now with a six month old but I do have particularly irritable babies that never seem content until they start moving around. I'm always astonished by now much other people's children sleep too.

It does get better I promise and you get more back for the effort too Smile

Lucidas · 02/06/2021 08:20

They say it gets easier at 3 months. It does, and then you hit the 4 months sleep regression.

I found the first 6 months tortuous and wish I could’ve fast forwarded them like the early period of the pandemic. Things for me got much, much easier after that.

LublinToDublin · 02/06/2021 08:21

My friend told me babies are programmed to start smiling at 6 weeks otherwise they'd all get sent back Grin

It is tough OP 💐 but there is also so much awaiting you

Hsjdb7483939 · 02/06/2021 08:21

I found the newborn stage the hardest due to the sleep deprivation and the relentless side of it. I now have a 4 year old and 1 year old and it is by no means easy but I get a lot back whereas with newborns you don’t get a whole lot back and their routines are more predictable

HerringHelen · 02/06/2021 08:21

Not really. It’s much harder when they’re moving and/or demanding stuff. They slept well till 4 months old, then sleep regression hit. I found 6 - 13 months tricky as they were teething and needed to be fed more than just milk (for some reason I found weening daunting). My DCs woke up every 2-3 hours until I stopped breastfeeding at 15 months. Actually only DC1 slept through from 15 months. Others it was more like 2-2.5 years old that they didn’t wake up multiple times a night. From age 3 is a breeze though.

Houseofvelour · 02/06/2021 08:21

Struggled ridiculously with my first and then 5 months to around 1 year, I really enjoyed it and then she started with an attitude 😂 ages 17 months - 2ish she was honestly horrible and I didn't enjoy her company at all. She's now 3 and can be a little Madame sometimes but she's so much fun and brings me so much joy.

Dd2 was the easiest newborn and I loved her tiny days. She's nearly 2 now and has such a bad attitude but she's so cute, it doesn't bother me 😂😂

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:22

It does get easier in some ways, harder in others. Soon your baby will babble and smile, and wave and coo, and learn to blow raspberries, and generally be the most beautiful wonderful cleverest miracle child that was ever born (to you).

Literally cannot wait for this stage and to interact with her and feel that we have a connection. Right now it's just give give give and I'm utterly depleted and depressed with it

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Thirtyrock39 · 02/06/2021 08:23

I think it's overall the hardest bit by the way- I have three kids oldest a teenager and yes there are other ages with other challenges but the rollercoaster of those first few weeks and literally not being able to go for a wee without a crying baby or even have a minute to yourself is something else. It's easy to look back on being stuck on the sofa with a box set with a baby sleeping on you but think about trying to go to the shop or any outing with a newborn - it's a military operation !

Youvegotafriendinme · 02/06/2021 08:24

With DS I found the first 6 months awful. There were times I honestly didn’t think I’d make it through each day. He slept all day but only on me and then didn’t sleep at night. Wouldn’t be put down. Silent reflux. Then when I had DD 12 weeks old now. I decided to take a completely different approach and let her lead me and not the other way round. I read up on the 4th trimester and it’s made the world of difference. She doesn’t sleep during the day, She has CMPA and reflux, I live in a constant stream of sick and I’ve never done so much washing in my life but there’s no stress. No counting the hours to feed/sleep/routines.
I think we feel so pressured to do everything right with our first, when, let’s face it, how can we? We have no idea what we are doing, that we put the wrong expectations on ourselves. Do whatever you need to or feel is right and don’t feel bad for feeling the way you do as I think more people feel that way if they were honest.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:25

@Thirtyrock39

I think it's overall the hardest bit by the way- I have three kids oldest a teenager and yes there are other ages with other challenges but the rollercoaster of those first few weeks and literally not being able to go for a wee without a crying baby or even have a minute to yourself is something else. It's easy to look back on being stuck on the sofa with a box set with a baby sleeping on you but think about trying to go to the shop or any outing with a newborn - it's a military operation !
Yes! I have a teenager and a newborn and I can LOVED the toddler / pre school years with my eldest. It was my favourite part. Newborn and teen years not so much 🤣
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AliasGrape · 02/06/2021 08:26

I found it incredibly hard. I found it got easier around 3 months, 4-8 months was a breeze and a delight, and now at 10 months and since crawling, cruising and a general determination to injure herself has kicked in combined with teething and having seemingly forgotten how to sleep it’s very very hard again. But hard in a different way - the early weeks had the sheer terror for me, physical recovery, crazy hormones and in my case local lockdown too. This bit is hard and exhausting but with so much more interaction and reward. Plus there’s a bit more predictability and routine whereas in the early weeks I had no clue what was going on, when she’d want a feed, how much she’d take, when she’d sleep etc.

I agree with the first poster I’ve found mumsnet to not be overly supportive of mums with small babies so do be prepared for that.

I was visiting family with a newborn this weekend, the fact they even wanted us to go should have been indication enough that things were very different there! I spent the weekend just constantly in a state of shock - their baby would fall asleep on them then transfer to the Moses basket and stay asleep, or would even be placed in the basket awake and lie there quite content. They ate/ showered etc all with a content baby lying in their basket. I think maybe when people say it’s not that hard they think it’s like that? We had a Velcro baby who wouldn’t be put down at all until she was about 12 weeks, we ate/ washed/ slept in shifts until DH went back to work then it was pretty much all me in the day (and most of the nights). My relative was like ‘oh yeah I remember you saying, well we’re not going to make a rod for our own back like that haha that’s why we put her down’ not really recognising that we didn’t get much of a choice!

megletthesecond · 02/06/2021 08:26

The first newborn is a pretty miserable experience TBH. Second was a doddle.
Hang in there, six weeks is early. Don't do too much.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:27

My main questions are:

  1. When will I sleep again because I am literally dying from exhaustion and I would sell my right arm for some decent sleep.
  1. When will she interact with me (it's been so long so since my first I can't remember the stages they go through).
  1. When will I have some form of identity again as a person in my own right instead of a human milk machine / rocking / shushing machine?
OP posts:
Unmute · 02/06/2021 08:28

I had the easiest baby ever, and the newborn stage was still exhausting and boring and isolating. Eventually you'll have a full night's sleep and everything will feel much easier.

AgathaAllAlong · 02/06/2021 08:29

Agree with everyone as soon as they start interacting with you and you can build a real bond that goes beyond feeding and sleeping. For me it was 6 months, everything before was an ordeal, 6m-1yr was good and everything from 1 year upwards has just been the best thing ever. At 1 when they walk and talk and really have personalities and can come and give you massive cuddles - that's when the joy of them really sets in, at least for me!

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:29

I was visiting family with a newborn this weekend, the fact they even wanted us to go should have been indication enough that things were very different there! I spent the weekend just constantly in a state of shock - their baby would fall asleep on them then transfer to the Moses basket and stay asleep, or would even be placed in the basket awake and lie there quite content. They ate/ showered etc all with a content baby lying in their basket. I think maybe when people say it’s not that hard they think it’s like that?

Oh why oh why is is not like this??! Sad
I have to wait for my partner to get home from work to wash or eat. Sometimes I need a wee for 3 hours plus before I finally get to use the toilet.

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21Flora · 02/06/2021 08:29

I’ve found it gets more enjoyable and rewarding but not necessarily easier. Yesterday my daughter stacked some blocks for the first time so I obviously thought she was a genius, it also took twenty minutes of dramatic crying and rolling to change her nappy 😂

GameSetMatch · 02/06/2021 08:30

First time around the newborn stage is very hard, I was in constant tears and full of regret, second time around you realise how easy a newborn is. 12 weeks things will settle down and you’ll feel more normal. Hang in there!

user7836 · 02/06/2021 08:30

I'm with you OP, I'm sure you'll get "just you wait" comments but no stage in my life has been more difficult than when I had a new born. And I'd have felt the same however "good", I just found that feeling of dependency utterly overwhelming, so no challenge since has felt greater. It gets better though, massively!!!!

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:31

@GameSetMatch

First time around the newborn stage is very hard, I was in constant tears and full of regret, second time around you realise how easy a newborn is. 12 weeks things will settle down and you’ll feel more normal. Hang in there!

Opposite experience for me - my first was so different and more enjoyable as a baby. This time I'm struggling hugely. Not helped by the fact I had much more family help first time around I imagine.

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Candleabra · 02/06/2021 08:31

It's so hard. Having a baby was such a shock and even worse as I thought I was prepared! I think it's the lack of control. It does get better, still hard in different ways but I have found no aspect of bring up children has been as difficult as the first few months. I struggled terribly with lack of sleep, it affected everything. Just take it a day at a time, and things will start to get a bit easier soon.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:31

I'm with you OP, I'm sure you'll get "just you wait" comments but no stage in my life has been more difficult than when I had a new born.

No need for just you wait comments - I have a teenager too.

OP posts:
Kissthepastrychef · 02/06/2021 08:32

It doesn't get easier - the problems just change. When they're tiny the problems are just physical (lack of sleep mainly) but then as they grow the problems become less physical but more complex. Eg your child is crying because their best friend played with someone else... they won't study at school... they got dropped from the gymnastics squad as she wasn't good enough and is now devastated.. her ex boyfriend is stalking her... she and her husband can't pay the mortgage

And so on and so on. Sorry but welcome to motherhood, the gift that just keeps taking !

LemonRoses · 02/06/2021 08:33

I don’t have to say I couldn’t disagree more. I think people make it harder than it is but the reality is that the needs of a tiny infant are simple and few. Women’s bodies are created to pretty much meet all those simple needs, but all too often we over complicate it.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:33

@Candleabra

It's so hard. Having a baby was such a shock and even worse as I thought I was prepared! I think it's the lack of control. It does get better, still hard in different ways but I have found no aspect of bring up children has been as difficult as the first few months. I struggled terribly with lack of sleep, it affected everything. Just take it a day at a time, and things will start to get a bit easier soon.

Yes the lack of control, relentless 24/7 demands, unpredictability, and your own needs (I'm talking basic human needs like toileting, eating and drinking and sleeping) being SO bottom of the pile you cease to feel human.

OP posts: