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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

463 replies

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:07

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

OP posts:
Surlyburd · 02/06/2021 08:34

Yes, its hard, relentless, and exhausting. Hang in there, it does get better. Flowers

NiceTwin · 02/06/2021 08:34

It gets better when they leave home.
If course, you still worry about them but it is on a different level.

Dc1 was a dream baby in the day but sleepless at night. I could cope with that though.
Dc2 was a nightmare from birth onwards. 14 now and still a difficult child. Loving, lovable but bloody infuriating.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:34

@LemonRoses

I don’t have to say I couldn’t disagree more. I think people make it harder than it is but the reality is that the needs of a tiny infant are simple and few. Women’s bodies are created to pretty much meet all those simple needs, but all too often we over complicate it.

What are your thoughts on not being able to meet your own needs, though? How do you then successfully meet a tiny infant's needs when you can't do basic things like eat sleep and use the bathroom?

OP posts:
Manteo · 02/06/2021 08:35

For me it was the hardest stage so far. There wasn't a point where it dramatically got better it's just gradually got better and still is now she's 7! I never got broody enough to do it again, couldn't think of anything worse!

Abouttimemum · 02/06/2021 08:35

I didn’t enjoy DS until he was 6 months old really. It was just relentless. He’s 2 now and I love spending all my time with him, he’s funny and full of fun (and tantrums ha)

Babyboomtastic · 02/06/2021 08:35

It's a different way of life sure, but personally in find it's the easiest phase of parenting. Sorry. And no that wasn't because I had magic sleeping babies. Both of them slept worse at a year than at a month (sometimes sleep through at 2 and nearly 4 now, someone's still up for hours), but I was juggling that with work as well.

At least when they were newborns, if I needed to pee I got to choose between taking them (and baby in a sling to the toilet isn't any birthday tbh) or put them somewhere safe, and the worst they'd do is cry. The 1 year olds is coming with you, and you never get a moment's peace.

Yes they are more interactive with your when older, but with that covered being extra demanding, separation anxiety and the like.

Toddlers are fun, but they are so much work comparatively that I barely noticed the addition of my second born. She just went in the sling a lot, fed in there, napped in there etc. And yeah, the nights are hard, but easier than they were a year later.

Somethingvague · 02/06/2021 08:36

It depends on the baby. My first was very hard work - cried lots and didn't sleep much. My second was an angel who fed, slept and smiled. Some people have only experienced the latter.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:37

@Somethingvague

It depends on the baby. My first was very hard work - cried lots and didn't sleep much. My second was an angel who fed, slept and smiled. Some people have only experienced the latter.

My first was the angel who slept. This time it's relentless and I can't put her down or she's instantly awake again 🙈

OP posts:
MyFloorIsLava · 02/06/2021 08:37

Oh haha he's throwing spaghetti bolognese again, what a legend, so glad he can feed himself at last. this made me laugh out loud, its exactly how I felt!

DC1 was a bell end baby. Totally un-put-down-able. Felt sick with tiredness for, well, long enough that it won't reassure you much OP! There's photos of me when she was about 4 months, bags under my eyes, awful hair, ill fitting clothes. It helped a lot when she was able to sit up in her high chair and smear yoghurt all over her face independently (DD was as big into self feeding as she was into not sleeping so I didn't have pureeing to contend with, at least).

I don't think I have a point really. Good luck OP. Lots of fresh air, this will pass.

Abouttimemum · 02/06/2021 08:38

Yeah OP I didn’t over complicate it lol. People with easy babies say that. Not all babies are the same.

If you have a partner they need to support. I was lucky that DH was great and we made sure each other had time to shower and eat and sleep so it was bearable. Teamwork.

Draineddraineddrained · 02/06/2021 08:39

I was going to say try parenting a newborn and an older child 😆 I'm finding my 4yo a lot harder to handle than my baby... I agree with PP we all have our specialist age. Me? Great with babies and toddlers. The preschool stage is killing me 😭

Pivotthesofa · 02/06/2021 08:40

In theory it should be the easiest because they aren’t mobile and their needs are simple, but throw in sleep deprivation, raging hormones, anxiety over everything from temperature to how many dirty nappies they’re doing a day, feeling lost, a global pandemic that has prevented a lot of new mums from accessing the face to face support required.... it’s bloody hard. And that’s without a high needs baby

Yes it gets more difficult in different ways but you find your groove as you go and don’t have all the postnatal hormones to contend with

It will get easier, promise, and getting something back from them makes a huge difference. Hang on in there OP and don’t feel bad for finding it hard!

Lucidas · 02/06/2021 08:40

Not really. It’s much harder when they’re moving and/or demanding stuff.

This isn’t a very helpful thing to say to new parents because it’s highly subjective, and often isn’t true. If you have a young baby who sleeps terribly, then anything will be better once that sleep deprivation improves - even a crawling baby. If you’re exclusively breastfeeding a baby who won’t take a bottle, then life may well get easier once someone else can take over solids. If you have a newborn who cries endlessly and you suspect reflux or allergies, then again, life will improve.

‘Just you want until they start crawling’ can be crushing to a parent struggling with the above.

lavenderandwisteria · 02/06/2021 08:40

In the first few weeks, I had dry, cracked lips and hard dry patches of skin all over my body as I didn’t have time to drink, or eat, I was getting maybe three hours sleep a night and the days were endless (January and lockdown!)

Five and a half months on and life is unrecognisable. Ds had a really bad night last night as he has a bit of a cold, but he is smiley and happy, loving, interacts and just a delight really.

Of course some of that is lockdown lifting and I was determined to breastfeed but we couldn’t, so I did make life more difficult for myself by expressing milk. But I really wanted to breastfeed, so that was why.

CirqueDeMorgue · 02/06/2021 08:41

I found my first very difficult but now I have one autistic DC and that's an even harder job.

Misty999 · 02/06/2021 08:41

Yes it was horrendous for me on both occasions, it does get easier as they sleep for longer periods. Hang on in there my six month old is a dream enjoying it before she's on the move. Some people have easy babies for others it's the hardest thing you will ever survive and pushes you to your limits.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:41

@Abouttimemum

Yeah OP I didn’t over complicate it lol. People with easy babies say that. Not all babies are the same.

If you have a partner they need to support. I was lucky that DH was great and we made sure each other had time to shower and eat and sleep so it was bearable. Teamwork.

DP is bloody amazing. He works long shifts, comes home says "what do you need me to do" and just takes over. Be that housework, cooking, taking her off me so I can shower etc (albeit I shower quickly as I'm so anxious she will cry and need feeding while I'm in there). Some nights he's even offered to do the full night wake ups with her (with my expressed milk) so I can rest despite him working next day. However I can't rest or sleep through- when she wakes I wake. Or my boobs / body wake me up telling me it's time for a feed. So it doesn't actually result in more sleep for me 🙈

OP posts:
ViewFromHalfway · 02/06/2021 08:41

@LemonRoses

I don’t have to say I couldn’t disagree more. I think people make it harder than it is but the reality is that the needs of a tiny infant are simple and few. Women’s bodies are created to pretty much meet all those simple needs, but all too often we over complicate it.
Literally the ONLY people I have ever known who have this opinion are people who don't have kids yet or people who had ridiculously easy babies and assume everyone else's babies behave like theirs did!

Not being able to move without being SCREAMED at all day every day is exhausting and lonely and depressing.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:43

Not being able to move without being SCREAMED at all day every day is exhausting and lonely and depressing.

Oh god YES. This.

OP posts:
MyFloorIsLava · 02/06/2021 08:43

It was great when my oldest started crawling. Finally she was occupied with something that wasn't me. Youngest was a much easier baby so it was a bit of a shock when he went from the most placid baby, sleeping about 15 hours a day, to a total whirlwind wrecking things I thought weren't wreckable.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:45

Like right now, she's fast asleep on me after a good long feed. I'd bloody LOVE to be able to have a shower or eat something right now. But I know categorically for sure that if I put this baby down so I can do something, I'll have 5 minutes tops before she wakes and screams at me because I dared to put her down.

How can anyone meet their own basic needs like this? Do I just let her scream? 🙈

OP posts:
ChairOnToast · 02/06/2021 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

MizMoonshine · 02/06/2021 08:46

The new new born stage is torture. It's a trial of endurance. You come out of hospital following labour or surgery, physically and mentally battered after around 9 months of being drained of all your nutrients and immediately go to war with a tiny terrorist.
Sleep when the baby sleeps is the biggest load of shit ever.
Fucking how?
THE BABY IS SLEEPING ON MY BREAST AND INSTANTLY WAKES WHEN MOVED AWAY.

I'm at 9 months now and the torture is less, but I'm still sleep deprived and can't finish a meal and still breastfeeding constantly.

But my first born (now 9 year old) was a fucking dream.

miltonj · 02/06/2021 08:46

The first few weeks I was functioning in a different universe to the rest of the world. The shock of labour and your life changing, with no sleep and lots of changing emotions... it's overwhelming. Things settle down. At 8 months now and it's easier in some ways (having adjusted to less sleep and new lifestyle), but harder in others, in that you can't just pop them down in their Moses basket and do something for a few minutes. But yes the best thing is their personalities developing, the giggles, interactions, chatting etc.... but you should get some smiles in a few weeks!!

givewillowabreak · 02/06/2021 08:46

@Iggly

It does get easier and no it’s not the hardest stage. Newborns have relatively simple needs - it’s just impossible sometimes figuring them out 😂

Plus you’ve got all of your hormones to deal with and your body is trying to put itself back together after stretching for 9 months.

Go easy on yourself. You’re getting to know yourself as a mother, getting to know your baby, and everyone has an opinion on how to do it. But they don’t remember it exactly how it was, despite what they may say.

Congratulations!

This!!