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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

463 replies

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:07

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

OP posts:
Bucklestimeshare · 03/06/2021 23:50

I agree with you OP. If you’ve had a screamy newborn you know. It’s torture.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 03/06/2021 23:50

Op the newborn stage is the easiest bit Confused

ittakes2 · 04/06/2021 00:06

I found it harder when they could fight sleep more easily and were more mobile ie from 6 months. But my son never slept through the night until he was 4.5 years old.

Dollywilde · 04/06/2021 07:27

@DeflatedGinDrinker

Op the newborn stage is the easiest bit Confused
I think this thread should be teaching you that different babies are different. Trust me, my sleeps in cot/doesn’t vomit 30 times a day/smiley/plays with you/giggles 10 month old is a million times easier than my will only sleep on you/spewing constantly/screeching for hours/permanently grumpy 8 week old was.
iminthegarden · 04/06/2021 07:41

It's such an adjustment. I found the early days easiest when they sleep a lot. But feeding was hard! Sorry to say it probably gets harder when you've got battles with daytime naps, meals, teething, tantrums and I had a very difficult toddler. All stages are different but depends on the child and often the more relaxed you can be and go with the glow the better but easier said than done.

Babyboomtastic · 04/06/2021 07:46

Trust me, my sleeps in cot/doesn’t vomit 30 times a day/smiley/plays with you/giggles 10 month old is a million times easier than my will only sleep on you/spewing constantly/screeching for hours/permanently grumpy 8 week old was.

Yes, but a few months of that surely is bliss compared to a non sleeping, crying, whiny toddler that is having repeated meltdowns because you can't break the rules of physics, is still vomitting, except now it's food rather than just milk, and you wish they'd sleep on you because at least that way you'd get a break/peace for a few minutes. And that may go on for a year or two.

The same (or worse) sleep deprivation, but napping less and talking back...

I mean, I actually love toddlers in many ways, and they can be a joy, but oh goodness are they brutal.

The first time I sat up at night and cried that I couldn't carry on was with a toddler not a baby.

The first time I felt dizzy with tiredness was with a toddler not a baby.

Bucklestimeshare · 04/06/2021 07:51

Not really sure it’s helping the OP posters coming on and saying it’s going to get harder.

Bucklestimeshare · 04/06/2021 07:53

We’re very close to the teen years and so far nothing has compared to the bone crushing tiredness of a newborn (plus your vagina is a war zone)

Dollywilde · 04/06/2021 07:58

@Babyboomtastic

Trust me, my sleeps in cot/doesn’t vomit 30 times a day/smiley/plays with you/giggles 10 month old is a million times easier than my will only sleep on you/spewing constantly/screeching for hours/permanently grumpy 8 week old was.

Yes, but a few months of that surely is bliss compared to a non sleeping, crying, whiny toddler that is having repeated meltdowns because you can't break the rules of physics, is still vomitting, except now it's food rather than just milk, and you wish they'd sleep on you because at least that way you'd get a break/peace for a few minutes. And that may go on for a year or two.

The same (or worse) sleep deprivation, but napping less and talking back...

I mean, I actually love toddlers in many ways, and they can be a joy, but oh goodness are they brutal.

The first time I sat up at night and cried that I couldn't carry on was with a toddler not a baby.

The first time I felt dizzy with tiredness was with a toddler not a baby.

Ok, but the first time I felt dizzy with tiredness was with my baby and at 10 months she sleeps through, so all experiences (and babies!) are different. That’s literally my point.

Yes I don’t have a toddler yet, so it may well get harder, but the point I was making is that the newborn stage isn’t the easiest stage for everyone. It may be the case for you but everything after six months has been a billion times easier than pre six months for me. Because, as I said, different babies are different.

motogogo · 04/06/2021 08:08

You wait until they can move and awake more, it's harder than when they just eat and sleep!

motogogo · 04/06/2021 08:11

Ps dd1 was hard as a newborn, feeding wasn't established easily etc as she had low tone in her jaw but Dd2 easy as pie. I suspect it's more to do with getting used to be a parent that's hard

Bucklestimeshare · 04/06/2021 08:13

@motogogo

You wait until they can move and awake more, it's harder than when they just eat and sleep!
Did your read the OP’s posts? She’s got an older child. She knows what it’s like when they can crawl.
ChangePart1 · 04/06/2021 08:19

@Bucklestimeshare

We’re very close to the teen years and so far nothing has compared to the bone crushing tiredness of a newborn (plus your vagina is a war zone)
People underestimate the impact of the recovery from birth I think, when it comes to how difficult it makes parenting. I couldn’t believe I had to suddenly care for a baby round the clock when I felt like someone had rammed a lorry into my genitals repeatedly, couldn’t sit or stand without assistance, was in excruciating pain around the clock. It makes having a newborn even harder, I’m sure it was a bit easier for my husband considering his body was in tact and undamaged compared to me.
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/06/2021 08:33

I didn’t find it hard at all, but I dare say I was lucky.
Plus mine were born when (according to weight) 3 or 4 hourly feeds for a newborn were the norm, so you weren’t expected to be endlessly BF-all day and night, and nobody told you sternly that leaving a baby to cry for a short while would damage it.

Notavegan · 04/06/2021 08:37

My 2nd was not much easier either op. Give me a toddler over a newborn any day.

mumof2exhausted · 04/06/2021 08:41

It’s tough with your first. I’ve learnt with my third baby, pass him to anyone who will take him, sleep whenever you can, it’s ok to put him down and get cup of tea / food etc even if he’s crying (honestly he’ll be fine), make sure you stay hydrated and eat (good food if possible but obviously also cakes), try not to worry, use infacol for colic, swaddle at night (I used little swaddle bags), use white noise, walk lots (take coffee and magazine and sit in park when baby falls asleep in pram).

Remember “this soon will pass”. I say that to myself constantly. My 9 month old still wakes constantly in the night and just had 4 teeth come through within 2 weeks which was hell. But it passed.

Imapotato · 04/06/2021 08:42

The newborn stage can be a killer, especially if you get one that’s truly adverse to sleep like dd2!! But despite the tiredness, they are small, and adorable, it may not feel like it right now, but this stage will pass and things will get easier.

Then you hit the teens. Bigger babies, bigger problems.

goose1964 · 04/06/2021 09:21

I think newborns are boring, basically they are feeding, sleeping and nappy filling machines, always at the most inconvenient times. By six months they are a lot more entertaining . Once they start sleeping through the night everything becomes a lot easier. Then you get toddlerhood and that's hard but fun.

Original poster
babyblues21 · 04/06/2021 09:41

People underestimate the impact of the recovery from birth I think, when it comes to how difficult it makes parenting. I couldn’t believe I had to suddenly care for a baby round the clock when I felt like someone had rammed a lorry into my genitals repeatedly, couldn’t sit or stand without assistance, was in excruciating pain around the clock. It makes having a newborn even harder, I’m sure it was a bit easier for my husband considering his body was in tact and undamaged compared to me.

100% this.

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 04/06/2021 09:45

@DeflatedGinDrinker

Op the newborn stage is the easiest bit Confused

Is it? Oh silly me, ok then. I must be imagining the torturous sleep deprivation and losing my mind with the constant screaming that I can't decipher and that nothing resolves, and the intense loneliness from lack of family support. I must be imagining it all

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 04/06/2021 09:46

Did your read the OP’s posts? She’s got an older child. She knows what it’s like when they can crawl.

Haha I'm a bit fed up of saying it now 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 04/06/2021 09:50

@Cattenberg

Looking after a newborn was the toughest thing I’ve ever done. When I was in hospital, I even started to envy the night nurses, at least they got to go home in the morning and sleep. I had to do a night shift followed by a day shift followed by a night shift followed by a day shift...

I struggled with breastfeeding, the colicky crying fits that could go on for up to two hours, and frequent clothing and bedding changes due to spilt formula top-ups, vomit or poo explosions.

Things started to get easier from about eight weeks, and were much easier by ten weeks. It was worth it in the end.

Yes. Even with the most challenging and exhausting of jobs, you get to end your shift at some point. This is 24/7 relentlessness. I'm typing this with tears rolling down my face following another night of no sleep. My body feels like it's shutting down . I'd give anything for someone to come over and say here let me help. Anything. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
babyblues21 · 04/06/2021 09:51

@luckylavender

Give me a newborn any day over a teenager

I have both. I'm dealing with both. Simultaneously

OP posts:
newmumfeb21 · 04/06/2021 10:05

@babyblues21 I've just read your latest post this morning - I'm so sorry. It really is shit isn't it. Are your DP / your DD around at all today, so you can hand baby over for a little while even later on? I forget (as I am also sleep deprived and confused) - are you EBF? If so would it be possible to express a bit and get someone else to feed baby, or to consider mixed feeding with some formula?

I know, because I have been there, that you feel so sleep deprived you could die / faint. You need to stay hydrated and try and relax every possible opportunity, even if you can't sleep - also distract yourself from thoughts of hurling yourself out of the window with TV or podcasts, water and relaxing will help revive you a bit even if it's not sleep. You are strong and will get through this Thanks

Ignore everyone telling you it just gets worse - whether it's true or not that's not helpful right now..! & yes there will be challenges to come but at least in teenage years you will be able to go to bed without someone lying on your front and screaming inconsolably if you dare put them down. Thinking of you and really do hope today gets so much better.

Sirzy · 04/06/2021 10:12

I think it’s easy to look back and think “actually it wasn’t that hard” but actually when you really stop and think it is exhausting and such hard work. Ds hasn’t been an easy child to parent at all but the tiredness of when he was a newborn and my body needed to recovery was exhausting.

I don’t think it’s helped by the idea that we give that parents should be in some sort of state of euphoria, sleep when the baby sleeps and all will be great. We need to say yes it’s tough and yes it’s ok to say your struggling and ask for help