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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is parenting newborns the hardest job in the entire world?

463 replies

babyblues21 · 02/06/2021 08:07

Is it just me or is the newborn stage really hard. I mean like really, really hard, with very little back in return. I love my 6 week old baby so much, I really truly do. But when does this get easier and more enjoyable?! I find I'm just overwhelmed and irritable most days.

OP posts:
babyblues21 · 04/06/2021 10:21

@newmumfeb21

Thank you so much for your kind reply. It means a lot especially this morning.

Eldest DD is around for a few hours before she goes out so she is holding the baby for me currently just for a moment of respite. DP went to work 2 hrs late this morning as I couldn't physically stand or hold the baby due to sheer exhaustion. It mean I got an extra hour or so of sleep. His work are thankfully quite understanding and supportive (for now), but this isn't a long term solution.

Again thank you for your kind words. With how alone I feel at the moment, they mean the world. Thanks

OP posts:
babyblues21 · 04/06/2021 10:37

@newmumfeb21

Sorry forgot to answer the other part - we are combi not EBF. Just that there's no one else here when DP is working to give her a bottle so it would be me anyway.

OP posts:
babyblues21 · 04/06/2021 10:43

@mumof2exhausted

It’s tough with your first. I’ve learnt with my third baby, pass him to anyone who will take him, sleep whenever you can, it’s ok to put him down and get cup of tea / food etc even if he’s crying (honestly he’ll be fine), make sure you stay hydrated and eat (good food if possible but obviously also cakes), try not to worry, use infacol for colic, swaddle at night (I used little swaddle bags), use white noise, walk lots (take coffee and magazine and sit in park when baby falls asleep in pram).

Remember “this soon will pass”. I say that to myself constantly. My 9 month old still wakes constantly in the night and just had 4 teeth come through within 2 weeks which was hell. But it passed.

It's been way, way tougher with my second in my case. She's a terrible sleeper compared to my first and I had family support with the first whereas I have no one now except DP and eldest DD. I only did it all again because I had such a positive experience the first time round. 🙈 This one has been awful - dreadful pregnancy compared to first, doesn't sleep, screams constantly, and no help around me.

This too shall pass, this too shall pass (repeat to self all day til DP is home........)

OP posts:
Moriarosesbebe · 04/06/2021 13:48

Everything is a phase. My LO slept through the night for the first time at 2months and continued to do so until teething kicked in. No magic tricks or techniques from me, he just did it. I woke up in a panic when I realised it was 6am and he hadn't stirred since 11pm.
He hasn't got the memo that sleep is great again but it's just a phase, I tell that to myself all the time. Some night it will just click again for him and I will return to being a sane person.
Im sure you have tried everything but my DS sleep definitely improved once he was in the grosnug. He was only ever content in my arms but once he got to the stage that things like mobiles and those playmat arch thingys (I know they have a name but my brain isn't working), he would be distracted enough to be without me for a few minutes.
Some sensory videos on YouTube are brilliant. I know its frowned upon but I'd stick him in bouncer with the video playing on the telly. He would be transfixed while I went to the loo or made a sandwich

professionalnomad · 04/06/2021 18:22

I feel i could have written op's post. I'm a FTM and my babe turned 12c weeks today. Its simultaneously the most difficult and most boring thing ice evet been part of. I don't have a difficult baby but she's still exhausting and the routine of eat play sleep repeat is a mind numbing grind. It took me 2 months to be able to breastfeed comfortably. My baby gets bored very quickly and will only nap if she's being carried. I'm on my own with my husband in a foreign country so have no family and friends to support. Apparently it gets better at 12 weeks. I'm waiting....

LyndzB · 04/06/2021 23:04

Ds is 2.5 and I do not miss the newborn stage! It gets easier. And you're doing great.

mrstt89 · 04/06/2021 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

User5069 · 06/06/2021 12:41

I HATED THE NEWBORN STAGE. I was recovering from a horrendous emcs labour where I nearly died and had spent a week in hospital with sepsis. Came home- hallucinated from exhaustion from being on the ward and severely anaemic. I never did get the chance to catch up on sleep because my baby screamed non stop, barely slept was up for 9 hours once. He would never be easily transferred just wanted to constant bf and sleep on me. Think he had colic but also had a tongue tie that wasn’t discovered for weeks, breastfeeding was excruciating so in the end I was pumping every four hours, desperate to carry on bf & I refused to give forumla when I should of just done it so i could sleep.

I was a complete mess and developed PND and ptsd. I will never forgot the constant crying. Sorry to say but I didn’t feel better untill my baby slept through reliably at 11 months. But the newborn days were particularly horrific I feel sick thinking about it. (Obviously still adored my child) I will only have one child because of this and I don’t know how anyone can say the newborn days are easy. I guess I had a lot of bad luck but even if you had an easy newborn there still constantly waking for feeds. I do remember it getting slightly better at 12 weeks though and the feeds were every four hours so it will get better !!! My child is two now and he can be a pain in the bum when we were out in public but in every other way he is great ! Sleeps amazing even had 6 months were he slept 7-10am😍 now it’s 7-8. He is so chilled and likes to just play on his own I would never swap back to newborn!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 06/06/2021 17:59

From about 6 months it gets easier
Then it’s nice
Then it turns to shit again when they are teenagers
You have so much nicer stuff ahead

Hang
Tight

Babyboomtastic · 06/06/2021 23:26

@User5069

You wonder how anyone could find a newborn easy - I'd say it's more about the comparison than a baby being just easy.

You say that you didn't feel better into your baby slept through at 11m. Now substitute 11m for 3 years, with no napping in the day and back at work... Maybe a commute, on the same amount of sleep you had in the newborn days.

At 11m, I was lucky if my wake ups were in single digits, the nights were that bad. I honestly got better quality sleep with a newborn, by a long way. I remember getting so tired with my 1 year old that it took me 90 minutes and 3 attempts to boil pasta (and it was still inedible). I was making cakes for the family with a newborn, in comparison.

It's not that newborns aren't any effort, but for those of us whose babies don't sleep through for a long time or their sleep gets worse as they get older, not better, it means that your dizzy with sleep deprivation hell period isn't newborn, but many months or years later, sometimes simultaneously with back to back tantrums etc.

Everyone's experiences are going to be different I guess. I think every age has its challenges and it's wonderful points, but some ages suit some people more than others, and some babies are easier at some ages than others.

canary1 · 06/06/2021 23:41

It’s really hard, and relentless. So get some help if you can, so that you can keep going.

User5069 · 07/06/2021 09:15

@Babyboomtastic
Yes I was very lucky as mine got attached to a comforter so sucked that all night instead of my breast. I had to work hard to get the sleep I did gentle sleep training and stopped feeding to sleep at 6 months it wasn’t easy but I had too for my mental health (never left him to CIO). Is there a reason why your three year old won’t sleep are they bf ? I agree everyone’s experience is different I had the shit luck to begin with and got lucky as he got older but I did have to work at it. I guess every newborn is different too as mine barely slept.

Babyboomtastic · 07/06/2021 09:45

We toddlers sleep rubbish, just the same as some newborns. I don't think there's any more to it than that.

My first was bottle fed from birth, slept decent stretches until the 4m sleep regression, then got worse. She didn't sleep through at all until gone 3, and now it's about 2/3rds of night that she does at 4. Nothing bf related at all, she just struggles to sleep through.

Until gone 2, if during a wake up (or her long bedtime - it took 1-3 hours!) we needed to pop to the loo, or try a drink, she'd often be hysterical and retching before we even reached the loo. Not clingy in the day, but very clingy at night (but refused to come in with us).

My youngest is breastfed, and she slept far worse - she was the double digits one. She also liked a wake up for a 3 hour block overnight, most nights, for a period of a few months, when aged around a year (so generally wake ups anywhere from every 30-60m with being awake say from 1-4am, and then maybe a 2-3hr block if lucky. She is now (generally) much better than the 4 year old, despite being younger. Thank goodness.

It's pretty normal for toddlers to wake up at night though - we certainly aren't the exception. Certainly from talking to friends, a child that sleeps through before a year is extremely lucky, as most are still struggling at 2 and 3.

There are enough difficult stages and challenges with parenting that I think it's impossible to pinpoint an overall most difficult part for everyone. Everyone's experiences differ so much.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/06/2021 10:09

It is hard but mostly because it’s such a shock. I do think toddlers and teens are both harder though.Smile

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/06/2021 10:13

Primary age kids are amazing and relatively easy!

Youdoyoutoday · 07/06/2021 10:16

I find the toddler years more exhausting but each baby is different. My son was a git for sleeping for years so the first 3.5 years, I was a zombie. My DD was the complete opposite, slept through the night, napped well and now she's 18 months, in to everything, doesn't nap, needs constant attention, I'm exhausted, I miss the newborn baby days!!

daisyjgrey · 07/06/2021 10:16

It's hard when you're in it. In hindsight, it was not as hard as some of the other stages.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/06/2021 10:20

Toddlers and teens sleep more than newborns but are definitely never boring...

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/06/2021 10:22

Sleep at night that should have been.

DrDresaid · 07/06/2021 13:13

It's hard but it's not the hardest stage - from mother of teenage boys

FedNlanders · 07/06/2021 17:45

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

Toddlers and teens sleep more than newborns but are definitely never boring...
Mine sleep more in the day and keep me up at night (not deliberately I worry when they are out!)
pabloescobarselasticband · 07/06/2021 17:53

Imo parenting teenagers is far worse! You still get the lack of sleep, through worry and teenagers being loud, annoying, drunk, obnoxious or all of the above

FedNlanders · 07/06/2021 21:45

@pabloescobarselasticband

Imo parenting teenagers is far worse! You still get the lack of sleep, through worry and teenagers being loud, annoying, drunk, obnoxious or all of the above
I'm honestly so stressed worrying about their exams/relationships/depression.
Bananashakee · 25/07/2021 11:59

We’re in the same boat :(

KeepingMyCoffee · 09/04/2022 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.