DS sneaks food at night

[Protorq]

My DS1 is 16. Our house is 3 stories. On the bottom floor we have the living room and the downstairs toilet.

The first floor is the kitchen, Ds1s room and another toilet. The top floor has, mine and DPs room, DS2s room and the bathroom.

DS1s room is next to the kitchen and he always sneaks into the kitchen at night and makes himself cereal or he eats a packet of biscuits to himself. We don't realise until the morning as me and DP are either in bed or in the living room.

He eats a lot for dinner. This never used to be a problem as he used to share a room with DS2 but obviously now he's older he has his own room.

We've asked him not to eat the whole packet of biscuits as they're not ‘his’ and its unfair on DS2. At times he ate the rest of the cereal that's left and that means DS2 refuses to have breakfast (he's only eats one kind of cereal). But he just ignores us and carries on doing it.
He also doesn't clean up after himself, this morning I went in the kitchen and there was cereal all over the side, he didn't wash his dish up after he used it and he left the cereal out.

Any advice on how to stop this?

@billy1966

It's so easy to see where selfish men come from. Homes where they are never asked to be considerate of others.

There is a certain amount of junk food bought in this house (far too much unfortunately🙄), but if one member was eating far more than their reasonable share, they would hear about it, and have.

It's selfish and inconsiderate.

I don't want anyone to think that they can live their life in this house and think it's ok to not give a damn about anyone but themselves.

They need to self regulate and if they don't and another person says X has eaten all of something repeatedly, then it absolutely is going to be an issue.

Not all children are instinctively considerate of others.
Some of them need it explained to them so they learn.

Just another act of parenting IMO.

Rome was not built in a day and good behaviour comes from consistently enforcing effective and healthy boundaries over time. Children are inherently selfish but with our consistent help they learn not to be. This part of their childhood is no different.

Teenage boys get hungry but can learn that they need to leave the place clean/leave enough for others etc. It's all a bit of a work in progress, so all is not lost!

Wow!

No wonder men think they can do no wrong with such enabling behaviour - it is NOT about the food but about the lack of respect for others. The cleaning, the failure to consider other siblings, the lack of any sort of responsibility...

And God help those who are on tight-budget - what do you do? Let the "they eat everything they're teenage boys" eat the family food allowance?

I have never put locks on cupboards, stopped snacking or been the "food police" but seriously? This thread is full of those who think the child's appetite trumps everything else - including decent sharing and communal behaviours

He's hungry. Buy more food for him to eat, ask him to clean up the crumbs.

There are some seriously weird responses on this thread BTW, presumably most from posters who don't have teenagers.

OMG ...lock the kitchen door...the inhumanity of it...🙄....give me a bloody break.

Again NO WONDER we have young adults growing up as selfish individuals whom have never given a thought to anyone but themselves.

I have 4 young adults that have indeed been asked in "firm terms" to remember others as they plough into their beloved junk food.

Consideration of others being key.

Also if the cook up a midnight snack they had better BLOODY WELL clean up after themselves, and leave the kitchen the same way as this old woman left it!

They are all in bed when I rise early in the morning, happily luxuriating in the peace....I had better not find any young wannabe Jamie Oliver's leaving MY kitchen like a warzone.🤨

Locking the door if I did, would frankly be the least of their worries🙄🤣

CandyLeBonBon Very well put. All it takes is a request to run a hoover round, if they’ve made a bit of a mess.

I guess if you ration food because of poverty the rules would need to be somewhat different, but there is no suggestion this is the case. Most families not living in dire circumstances can manage a few slices of scrambled egg on toast or a few biscuits.

The responsibility and respect grows over time. Overreacting to perfectly normal behaviour isn’t the best way to instil it.

@LemonRoses

CandyLeBonBon Very well put. All it takes is a request to run a hoover round, if they’ve made a bit of a mess. I guess if you ration food because of poverty the rules would need to be somewhat different, but there is no suggestion this is the case. Most families not living in dire circumstances can manage a few slices of scrambled egg on toast or a few biscuits.

The responsibility and respect grows over time. Overreacting to perfectly normal behaviour isn’t the best way to instil it.

Yes. I have three at various ages and stages and over time, selfish behaviour improves.

It's the long game, played that way mainly because my eldest is asd and copes better with logical reasons why things don't work. If I were to 'shut down the kitchen' (which his dad does, when he visits) it makes him very anxious because he is a night owl (as was I before meno).

I think working together to come up with a workable plan is always the best option.

But god, teens can be a hard nut to crack!

I guess if you ration food because of poverty the rules would need to be somewhat different, but there is no suggestion this is the case.

But there will be at some point in their lives surely? When they go to university or branch out in their first flat shares/relationships?

When their funds and those around them are limited?

Being polite and hoovering doesn't pay the bills in my experience!

@Limegreendots

I guess if you ration food because of poverty the rules would need to be somewhat different, but there is no suggestion this is the case.

But there will be at some point in their lives surely? When they go to university or branch out in their first flat shares/relationships?

When their funds and those around them are limited?

Being polite and hoovering doesn't pay the bills in my experience!

This need to Hoover calories seems to be around 15-17/18 years. It's quite a pronounced period in their lives, based on my own and anecdotal information. It does slow down at 18 or so depending on activity in my experience

And own brand cereals are cheap, fortified with vitamins and easy to buy.

They might not be exactly what you hoped your child will eat at uni, but it's better than nothing.

I do love this... he’s sneaking food yet leaving a mess? He’s either the worst food sneak in the world or he’s not sneaking.

Honestly OP you sound like your talking about a 7 yo. Not someone who has an adult body and still growing.

Just buy more food and tell him to not eat the last of anything that’s meant to be shared. Get a bunch of food that is quick and easy to make and don’t make a big deal about this. You sound very over invested in what your kid is eating and in what quantity.

At this age we had a freezer full of freezer microwave food. (My parents were fortunate that they got it free from work...long story) but it fed teenagers at all hours of the day and night. And it was fair game. We all ate meals together (more or less) or had leftovers available if we had been working or out at mealtimes.

We had a healthy relationship with food and more or less self regulated. Don’t be ‘the parent’ who turns this into a big deal!

@billy1966

OMG ...lock the kitchen door...the inhumanity of it...🙄....give me a bloody break.

Again NO WONDER we have young adults growing up as selfish individuals whom have never given a thought to anyone but themselves.

I have 4 young adults that have indeed been asked in "firm terms" to remember others as they plough into their beloved junk food.

Consideration of others being key.

Also if the cook up a midnight snack they had better BLOODY WELL clean up after themselves, and leave the kitchen the same way as this old woman left it!

They are all in bed when I rise early in the morning, happily luxuriating in the peace....I had better not find any young wannabe Jamie Oliver's leaving MY kitchen like a warzone.🤨

Locking the door if I did, would frankly be the least of their worries🙄🤣

This is reasonable though!

Yes tell kids to leave some for others, clean up for themselves, and hold them accountable if they don’t. Anything beyond that is bizarre and controlling in my opinion.

@billy1966

OMG ...lock the kitchen door...the inhumanity of it...🙄....give me a bloody break.

Again NO WONDER we have young adults growing up as selfish individuals whom have never given a thought to anyone but themselves.

I have 4 young adults that have indeed been asked in "firm terms" to remember others as they plough into their beloved junk food.

Consideration of others being key.

Also if the cook up a midnight snack they had better BLOODY WELL clean up after themselves, and leave the kitchen the same way as this old woman left it!

They are all in bed when I rise early in the morning, happily luxuriating in the peace....I had better not find any young wannabe Jamie Oliver's leaving MY kitchen like a warzone.🤨

Locking the door if I did, would frankly be the least of their worries🙄🤣

Refusing access to food is considered abusive.

I agree that teens need to learn, but not by locking away access to food.

I'm happy to clatter a pan lid outside my teens' bedrooms if they're in need of sorting their misdemeanours, but no, locking away access to food is grim.

Taught right and taught well doesn't need food locking away.

@CandyLeBonBon

"This need to Hoover calories seems to be around 15-17/18 years. It's quite a pronounced period in their lives, based on my own and anecdotal information. It does slow down at 18 or so depending on activity in my experience"

Not doubting your experiences but it's not mine or many of my friends

Do you think people have been "fed" this idea and then believe it?
Genuine question - not doubting others experience but just a general question?

Not all teens are "hoovers" in my experience

Put a lock on the kitchen door or hide the biscuits and cereal so he can’t scoff the lot.

If he's not overweight and gets enough fruit and vegetables and brushes his teeth, don't worry - just get more in! Teenagers are gut buckets

Put a lock on the kitchen door or hide the biscuits and cereal so he can’t scoff the lot.

Nah ...

Just teach him/them to respect others, understand finances and home economics and don't pander to every whim

Looking food away is a "no no" really

It's about give and take and being considerate - but not being a walk-over either

Funny how the replies take a different turn when it’s a ‘daughter’ that the post is about.

However as it’s a teenage ‘boy’ it’s took a much different direction!

Seen it so many time’s on here - people concerned their daughters are overeating and the replies are STOP buying snacks immediately! Nothing in between meals, control their portions, etc but because this is a boy - you must provide endless snacks!

@Glitteryone

Seen it so many time’s on here - people concerned their daughters are overeating and the replies are STOP buying snacks immediately! Nothing in between meals, control their portions, etc but because this is a boy - you must provide endless snacks!

Strange, I’ve seen the exact opposite (outside of the lock the cupboard brigade that is in force in this thread).

I remember distinctly the mother who was soundly brought up because her daughter dared to eat chocolate.

Sneaking food makes it sound like he is doing something wrong. It's his home, he is hungry and he gets some food. Irritating that he doesn't clean up after himself but that's just teenagers.

[quote Limegreendots]@CandyLeBonBon

"This need to Hoover calories seems to be around 15-17/18 years. It's quite a pronounced period in their lives, based on my own and anecdotal information. It does slow down at 18 or so depending on activity in my experience"

Not doubting your experiences but it's not mine or many of my friends

Do you think people have been "fed" this idea and then believe it?
Genuine question - not doubting others experience but just a general question?

Not all teens are "hoovers" in my experience[/quote]
It's certainly the case with my peers. I can only account for my own experiences, and having had two teen boys, they have gone through that exact pattern, has have my friends' boys.

Maybe there's something in the water!

@Leaf85

Wow!

No wonder men think they can do no wrong with such enabling behaviour - it is NOT about the food but about the lack of respect for others. The cleaning, the failure to consider other siblings, the lack of any sort of responsibility...

And God help those who are on tight-budget - what do you do? Let the "they eat everything they're teenage boys" eat the family food allowance?

I have never put locks on cupboards, stopped snacking or been the "food police" but seriously? This thread is full of those who think the child's appetite trumps everything else - including decent sharing and communal behaviours

Finally a realistic response.

My guess is that with the over dramatic description you used to describe your son eating at night that the truth may be slightly stretched in other areas.

Was there really a half box of cereal left that he at in one night? That is an absolutely huge amount of cereal, surely he would be bored of it before he ate a half box?

It's not your older sons fault that your younger son is a PITA about only eating one thing for breakfast. Keep an extra couple of boxes in the back of the cupboard and the problem will be solved.

That being said, I can see how you felt stressed out about him eating the last of the cereal and the no doubt subsequent argument with your younger son but it is a problem easily solved.

Locking the kitchen is a massive over reaction to him eating some biscuits and cereal. Crazy suggestion.

@Leaf85

Oh do grow up and read the actual comment. I don't care if you're on a tight budget, teenage boys need lots of food and you do need to provide it. Yes teenagers (girls too by the way) do lack empathy (empathy actually decreases compared to younger children at this age) so will need to have this reinforced. No one was saying he should be allowed to leave a mess or eat his brother's food. As adults you have to behave reasonably yourself (by providing food he can eat when he's hungry) and stick to boundaries and constantly reinforc them (i.e. not leaving a mess or finishing something that's especially for his brother).

@Glitteryone

Seen it so many time’s on here - people concerned their daughters are overeating and the replies are STOP buying snacks immediately! Nothing in between meals, control their portions, etc but because this is a boy - you must provide endless snacks!

My girls could empty the fridge of leftovers, if they so chose. They never did. They are physically much smaller, so have reduced calorie need. They would happily eat and freshly made brownies, before they’d cooled.

Our son needed 6,000 calories a day to maintain weight in his early career. That wasn’t my calculation, but a directive from his work medics. He needed to eat as opposed to ‘stealing food’ from his home.

I think the food oversight needs to be put in when you are teaching eating habits at a much earlier age. You cannot let a six year old eat crisps and biscuits everyday, obviously. That’s regardless of their sex. They learn that the houses isn’t full of crisps, biscuits, cakes and that they eat at mealtimes.

Older children/teenagers should already have that learning in place. You don’t provide a constant stream of chocolate biscuits, cola and Magnums but do ensure they can begin to decide what to eat and when. A few digestive biscuits isn’t usually going to break the bank nor create a sloth. Using up leftovers is a good thing.