To not name baby after my mum...

[girlsallowed21]

Posting on AIBU for traffic mainly as I'm in two minds about this...

Currently 30 weeks pregnant and ever since we found out it is a girl my mum has been dropping so many hints that she wants our daughter named after her. 😩

I love my mum to bits but feel horrible as neither of her names (first or middle name) are on DH and I shortlist. She has a traditional but old fashioned name.
Her reason is she's the only grandparent who's currently alive on both sides and this is our first girl...
DH isn't keen but he wouldn't mind and I know he's only saying to be polite to the MIL.

She basically already calls baby by her name when she checks up on us. For example she'll say how's little Emma doing? (name changed btw).

How would you honour your mum without naming the baby after her. I feel horrible letting her down 😥

AIBU to think her name is too old fashioned/ not to our taste?

My 5 year old has two Martha's in her class! Although she also has a Gladys and an Agnes, both of which I think of as more older people's names...

6yr old ds has two Martha's in his class too 🤣 we're in the South west. Utterly bizarre to make such a shamelessly vain name request, I'd just laugh it off!

I would make a firm comment something like:
Mum, dh and I will choose a name for our baby and it will not be yours. We love you and we're so glad you're excited for her to arrive but we will be giving her a name of our choice. Like you did when you named your children.

Do not be drawn on what names are in the running it will only cause more arguments.

WhereTheWildlingsLive
I'm in the SW too... Maybe it's a regional thing? 🤔

My brother did this too. Say his name was George, he'd say "how's little Georgia coming along?"'He'd assumed it was a girl both pregnancies. And although I had one of each and I didn't use his name anywhere. Why would I? I think it was a joke really. Is your mum joking ?

I also didn't use any relatives name, it a brand new person, I don't get the honouring thing unless you just love the name anyway.

I have a friend whose daughter (16ish, and in Bristol) is Martha.

It seems old fashioned to me, and I'm amazed at its meaning as it feels like the name a serving girl would have. Or a cat.

@drpet49

Middle name is okay, but I really don’t like it when children (first name) are named after relatives.

My uncle and cousin (offspring of different uncle) have the same name.

And I would have called my ds after my uncle but DH already had a nephew of that name and he was of the same opinion as you. Should have done it for middle name though.

Yes know a few Martha's it's upper middle class granny chic. Can't really think of any other versions of course Mara, Marta or Marty/ Martie/ Marti

Sorry .. sure.. should do read.. I can't think of any way a variation isn't just a different name

@MimiSunshine

Martha is now very popular but it will sound old and dated to your ears because it’s your mums name.

You could use Mara or Margot and say it’s an M name in her honour (🤨) but in all honesty, I just wouldn’t bother. Choose the names you like and just tell her when the baby is born

I think it's because it's my mum's name too. Surprised to hear it's getting popular again.

I really like someone's suggestion of Marcie though. Sounds quite nice 😊

Def nip it in the bud soonest otherwise she may well be 'shocked' (with all the drama that goes with it, if she is that type) & disappointed when your baby's name is revealed. Just say she is not being named after anyone (if true!) she is her own unique little self. Choose the name you both love & that's that. And if your Mum is heartbroken (!), ypu can add that she didn't name you after her Mum, MIL....I think you said so but I may have mixed up OP & other commentary. I think the pressure to name after someone is nuts...fair enough if you like the name & then it is an honour for person concerned but to expect it & push for it...that's OTT.

@bouncystorm

Yes know a few Martha's it's upper middle class granny chic. Can't really think of any other versions of course Mara, Marta or Marty/ Martie/ Marti

Haha 'upper middle class granny chic' made me laugh out loud 😂

I like the name Martha...my friend's daughter is Martha & she's 11 now...it suits her last name. Also another friend's Mom is Martha...in her 80's & a total sweetheart.

But you choose for your own family & if you are not keen then pass on it.

I did the middle name after parent/grandparents, dont think its very fair shes trying to force it, be strong 😊

Martella or Martelle unusual but variants of Martha.

Do you know what you do? Next time she starts say oh actually I mean to talk to you about that, what do you think about [insert random name here]

It'll get her used to the idea you won't actually be naming the child after her!

Similar names: Marleigh, Macie, Myra, Maria.

Variation on Martha could keep her happy enough.

Pandering to her could backfire... She is imo going to expect additional 'rights' to her namesake... You will be forever second guessing your parenting when she starts I would be betting...