To not name baby after my mum...

[girlsallowed21]

Posting on AIBU for traffic mainly as I'm in two minds about this...

Currently 30 weeks pregnant and ever since we found out it is a girl my mum has been dropping so many hints that she wants our daughter named after her. 😩

I love my mum to bits but feel horrible as neither of her names (first or middle name) are on DH and I shortlist. She has a traditional but old fashioned name.
Her reason is she's the only grandparent who's currently alive on both sides and this is our first girl...
DH isn't keen but he wouldn't mind and I know he's only saying to be polite to the MIL.

She basically already calls baby by her name when she checks up on us. For example she'll say how's little Emma doing? (name changed btw).

How would you honour your mum without naming the baby after her. I feel horrible letting her down 😥

AIBU to think her name is too old fashioned/ not to our taste?

Urgh, my Grandmother tried that. Insisted that DD1 (and then DD2) should have her mother's name. No chance. It's my middle name and I hate it!

Thankfully she insisted to DM who shut her down hard. She'd have got short shrift from me too, she's livid that my nephew has her DH's name.

I would do what these suggestions warrant and just laugh it off when she asks about it again.

Our mothers had no say in the names we chose for our offspring. And in any case, I don't think our sons would have appreciated being called Winifred and Edna.

Our grandson's middle name is that of his grandfathers - who both have the same name. We didn't know till he was born.

Not read all responses. Ours have middle names that after family members, BUT first names are always unique (within the family) to them. Anyone who had a problem with that would be told "no the baby has its own name" (and I'm very non confrontational). By all means do middle name thing, but tell her a gentle "no".

Is she a former suffragette, the first woman MP or a Nobel prizewinner?

If not, maybe remind her that most of us are fated to live our lives in happy obscurity and shuffle off this earth commemorated by nothing more than a plaque on a park bench or an overcrowded loft.

I wouldn't go the middle name thing if I were you. You are just asking asking for your Mum to call her by it instead of the first name that you chose..

My name is awful. If one of my children had wanted to name their DC after me, I would have said no. My grandmothers' names were horrible, but DD1 had the middle name of one as I did like that. Luckily she likes it too

I named my firstborn after my nan who had just died, then my second has middle names after my grandad who has dementia and my brother who has emigrated. I wanted my boys to have a part of these people that would have or do love them but for different reasons can't play a massive part in their lives.

I would never name them after my parents or in laws and they have amazing relationships with them and I feel like they all benefit from that anyway- what difference does a name make.

You're mum sounds irritating to be honest.

YANBU. Who do you actually know who has named a DD after her mother? Probably no one! When you consider how quickly girls names date (much faster than boys) it’s not really the done thing. If it’s a name that works as a middle name, you could do that; if it just doesn’t sound right then I wouldn’t.

CecilyP
I actually know a family who named the baby after her grandmother, she is called Sheila. The girl is in her 20s now and hates her name so much that. she changed it in her teens. This offended Granny even more!!

YANBU hang in there and congratulations.

"How's little Emma doing?" "She's getting really annoyed with you calling her Emma Mum"

You never know; it could become fashionable again in 20 years time!

This is really, really weird. It isn't you making things awkward, she is. Unless you come from a family where every single generation has the same name then perhaps she would have a point, but it is not normal to assume anybody's baby will be named after you or to automatically address an unborn child by your own name!

Don't be a pushover. You need to be able to be assertive to act in your child's best interests throughout her life. That's an important part of being her parent. Best to start now - treat it as a safe situation to start as you mean to go on.

If you can't assert yourself over what name you want your own child to have, how will you assert yourself if a doctor is dismissing concerns about her health or she needs you to fight her corner to access education?

You shouldn't be afraid to say no to your own mum. Is there some kind of history? I was expecting from your thread title that this would be about someone whose mum was dead and felt torn, not someone whose living mum was on an ego trip.

Give your child the name you and her father wanted.

@godmum56

I wouldn't go the middle name thing if I were you. You are just asking asking for your Mum to call her by it instead of the first name that you chose..

Yup.

I don't mind honour names - if I'd had a DD she would've had one - but I prefer them to be for people who are dead. Seems a bit odd to have two closely related people with the same name to me.

In Jewish culture it's considered bad luck (v v v bad luck) to name a baby after a living relative.

This is true but my Nan is Jewish and I love her dearly, she also has a lovely name so I did give my DD her name as a middle name. She told me it was lucky she wasn’t a very superstitious person . She’d never have requested I do it by any means, I just love her and love the name so chose to. It’s your baby, your choice.

Do you think she’s maybe using it as a tactic to get you to spill the beans about the actual name you’ve chosen?

Can you say ‘we’re not naming her after anyone’ rather than ‘we’re not naming her after you’.

This sounds less like you’re letting her down and more general than personal.

Then give her the choice as to how she wishes to be known e.g. Grandma, Nana etc.

We didn’t pick the name we both liked for our DD because it was his aunt’s (by marriage) first name and although she’s nice enough we didn’t want the family to think we’d named her after his aunt.

I’d just name her what you want to name her and if your mum says anything about why you didn’t use her name just laugh and say you didn’t realise she was serious.

A middle name after a grandparent is fine, not a first name.

We wanted to name our little girl after my grandmothers.. but we weren't too keen on Elsie or Eleanor as they seemed a bit old for us personally, & especially as her first name is an older name, so we combined the two and came up with Ella.
Maybe you could do something similar? And have it as a middle name instead, most people don't address themselves with a middle name so if it's something you aren't overly keen on it's not a name your child will go by?

Hope you find something you and your DH like! ❤️

whoa she is being so unreasonable! Nip this in the bud today, tell her little mable is fine thank you! Dont even tell her your chosen name, just anything except hers!

very cheeky!

Very cheeky of your DM. You and your DH should give your DD a name you love. Your DM had her chance to choose a name for her child.

I did name my DD after a close relative but it was my choice and they had no idea until my DD was born. Firstly we loved the name and secondly it was to show appreciation as they helped bring me up in difficult circumstances.

If you want an excuse that won't hurt her then you could say when your mum dies you will find it painful to have the reminder everytime your daughter uses her name?