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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not name baby after my mum...

167 replies

girlsallowed21 · 01/06/2021 16:17

Posting on AIBU for traffic mainly as I'm in two minds about this...

Currently 30 weeks pregnant and ever since we found out it is a girl my mum has been dropping so many hints that she wants our daughter named after her. 😩

I love my mum to bits but feel horrible as neither of her names (first or middle name) are on DH and I shortlist. She has a traditional but old fashioned name.
Her reason is she's the only grandparent who's currently alive on both sides and this is our first girl...
DH isn't keen but he wouldn't mind and I know he's only saying to be polite to the MIL.

She basically already calls baby by her name when she checks up on us. For example she'll say how's little Emma doing? (name changed btw).

How would you honour your mum without naming the baby after her. I feel horrible letting her down 😥

AIBU to think her name is too old fashioned/ not to our taste?

OP posts:
Craftycorvid · 03/06/2021 08:27

Don’t do it! I was named after my mum’s adored grandma who was (drum roll) an absolute saint and a renowned beauty who had died many years before I was born. Guess who has never lived up to a name? And ma was always happy to point out how I had failed to be like grandma. I have come to terms with my name and there are a few people I admire who have the same name, but I have thought of changing the spelling a few times.

Skysblue · 03/06/2021 11:36

I said to my family early on ‘DD will have a family surname and that’s quite enough namey inheritance my stuff, we want the rest of her name to be brand new like she is’

Anna727b · 03/06/2021 12:05

I have my Gran's name and like it as it's a name that came back into popularity in the noughties (when I was a kid) but I don't see anyone reason why you should give your daughter a name that you don't even like just because it's your Mum's name!

Anna727b · 03/06/2021 12:05
  • any reason
BlueLobelia · 03/06/2021 12:15

As someone with 2 DCs, (each of whom have 3 names) we named them both after family members in full.

Because we wanted to.

In your case, I would NOT name your DD anything other than what YOU and your DH want!

Tell your mum you think children should only be named after dead relatives.......... then keep quiet while the penny drops.

BlueLobelia · 03/06/2021 12:26

@CecilyP

YANBU. Who do you actually know who has named a DD after her mother? Probably no one! When you consider how quickly girls names date (much faster than boys) it’s not really the done thing. If it’s a name that works as a middle name, you could do that; if it just doesn’t sound right then I wouldn’t.
i do know a family who name all the eldest girls the same name. So several cousins all have the same name. Thing is they are not called this name in day to day life that until they turn 18 and then there is some sort of party and the eldest daughter goes from being known as [middle name] to [same name as everyone else].

I'd like to think it is a charming family tradition, but it does frankly seem a little cookie cutter to me, and I do wonder how the children themselves feel about it. Mind you, it's not at all unknown for first names to go down the family on the father's side, and no-one really raises an eyebrow at that.

idontunderstandwhypeopledothis · 03/06/2021 13:05

My mum kind of did this, she wanted my son to be called Ellis or Elliot (basically anything beginning with E) I hated them all and she carried on because she knew it wound me up, any name I came up with she argued so in the end I didn't tell her his name until he was born.

I also used family names, my mum and dad aren't together anymore so it pissed her off when his middle name was my dads name and my uncles name 😂

I'd just stop conversing with her over it and name your baby whatever you fancy and tell her after you've put it on the birth certificate, I wouldn't even use her name as a middle name because that's her influence still there and she's kinda won her own name game 😊

Anyway, good luck with the new baby!!

Yesmycatisanutter · 03/06/2021 13:26

That is cheeky as fuck Shock

Ohhyeahright · 03/06/2021 23:43

Hard no from me

NewlyGranny · 04/06/2021 10:51

DD1 just acquired two kittens and I waited to be asked before I made any name suggestions!

Original poster
girlsallowed21 · 09/06/2021 17:50

Thanks for all the responses on here! We seem on the same wavelength 😊

My mum's name is Martha...

Can anyone think of any modern variations of the name?
Definitely NOT going with the name but we could consider a 'cool' variation of Martha as middle name 😊😊

Thanks!!

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 09/06/2021 17:59

Martha is really really popular and cool round here! Where are you OP that Martha is not commonplace in all the playgrounds?

Original poster
girlsallowed21 · 09/06/2021 18:05

@MrsKoala

Martha is really really popular and cool round here! Where are you OP that Martha is not commonplace in all the playgrounds?
Really?! I'm in England. Kidderminster area.

Maybe because I don't have a child in school yet so never heard of any children called Martha. Just me mum and Martha Stewart really 😂😂😂

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 09/06/2021 18:12

Well it's all the rage in Chiswick and Tunbridge Wells I can tell you, so you might be ahead of the Kidderminster curve! It could be worse - my DD ended up with Gillian and Marianne!

HooverPhobic · 09/06/2021 18:17

Ooh I love Martha, but wouldn't use it if it was my DM's name! How about naming the baby "mum"... for maximum family confusion...

Howshouldibehave · 09/06/2021 18:26

I was going to say your mum is totally nuts! But actually, I really love the name Martha Grin

goose1964 · 09/06/2021 18:32

My daughter has three boys so obviously not need after me. Son has one of each the boy has his middle name from his great grand father, which is the same as DH, and his daughter has her middle name after her great grandmother. There is absolutely no reason why the baby should have her name if you don't want it,but depending on her personality you may want to consider a middle name t keep the peace.

Original poster
girlsallowed21 · 09/06/2021 18:33

Hahaha didn't expect the name to get so much love lol.
Still no way we're naming DD Martha 😂😩

OP posts:
Wrotten · 09/06/2021 18:36

In Gloucester and I do not know of a single child called Martha.

I'm with you, OP, awful name. 🤣

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/06/2021 18:37

I like Martha and normally I'd seriously consider it being a middle name. If someone asked me to use their name it would get used at all, a good clear boundary will be drawn by not using her name at all. God knows how she she'll act if you give way at all.

TomHardysPyjamas · 09/06/2021 18:40

Martha is top 100, so back in fashion.

It means lady/mistress, so for a similar meaning, you could look at Freya, Nerys, Sarah.

For a similar feel (for me), Marcia/Marcie, Matilda

MimiSunshine · 09/06/2021 19:19

Martha is now very popular but it will sound old and dated to your ears because it’s your mums name.

You could use Mara or Margot and say it’s an M name in her honour (🤨) but in all honesty, I just wouldn’t bother. Choose the names you like and just tell her when the baby is born

Howshouldibehave · 09/06/2021 19:22

@girlsallowed21

Who chose your mum’s baby names? Have you pointed this out to her?

drpet49 · 09/06/2021 19:23

Middle name is okay, but I really don’t like it when children (first name) are named after relatives.

Enough4me · 09/06/2021 19:27

Let her select the name, then she can be called Mummy too, she'll decide what DD eats, when she sleeps...after all she named her.

I'm really hoping this gets you angry enough to want to scream, this is your child - don't let her control you!