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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at my dp reaction when he saw his ex at our house?

417 replies

Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 15:34

Long time reader but first time poster. DP and I been together for 7 years , and have 2 children. His ex wife and him have 2 kids together and get along well. She often comes over with her husband.

I am a Sahm , so when his kids are there - every other week- I take care of them. He leaves at 6 and comes back at 7. The DC are 11 and 8. Their mom often babysits my 2 kids , and I babysit for her 2 toddlers.

Last night, she was with me and all the kids. DP got home and when she left he got very angry front of the children. " She is my ex, not yours!!" He went on to say that from now on he doesn't want our 2 kids to see her ,or for me to babysit for her other children.

He asks me to delete her phone number, and that he will take care of everything for his DC ( dropping them back, picking them up to their mom's) but somehow he still wants me to take care of them when they are there.

I am so surprised , I thought he liked his new and old partners to get along. He reminded me this morning " Don't talk to X , she is not the mom of your kids". I had no idea he felt that way. Everytime she was over with her husband he seemed to have enjoyed it

Aibu to be upset?

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 01/06/2021 19:16

@BigHeadBertha

I don't think you understand what marriage counselling is. It isn't recommended where abusive behaviour is present.

RickiTarr · 01/06/2021 19:17

@Momto2girliess Maybe he realises that you DO have the start of a very strong support network, despite being away from home & a SAHM , and that’s your DC’s half siblings and their mum?

Original poster
Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 19:19

Hey (name) hope you are well. (My name) has been acting weird lately , she keeps talking about you and how she thinks I still love you. I think from now it's better if we just meet the 3 of us and not tell her. She will be extremely jealous and will leave me. I don't want to lose her. I don't wanna lose you and (husband name) either , you guys are the best

OP posts:
BigHeadBertha · 01/06/2021 19:19

[quote JesusIsAnyNameFree]@BigHeadBertha

I don't think you understand what marriage counselling is. It isn't recommended where abusive behaviour is present.[/quote]
Um, no. It is a very good thing to do when your husband has lied to you, or you think he has and you can't get to the bottom of it. Your post is just silly and you seem to just want to fight. I won't be answering you anymore.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 01/06/2021 19:21

@BigHeadBertha

I can't even 😂

ComeOnPeople · 01/06/2021 19:21

Oh no OP. That's extremely odd and off!!!!!

justchecking1 · 01/06/2021 19:21

So he wants to meet up with his ex and her DP and for you not to be told this is happening?? Is he after some sort of secret threesome??!

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 01/06/2021 19:21

Fucking hell, OP. What did she say when you told her the truth?!

Dontbeme · 01/06/2021 19:22

He is trying to isolate you from everyone OP, including this nice friendship you have with his ex. Could she be a support and someone you could speak to without her saying anything to him, do you think. Could she have insight into this behaviour if he did similar to her?

Branleuse · 01/06/2021 19:22

Wow.
What are you going to do? What did she say when you told her it was bullshit?

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2021 19:23

Op what will you do? Will you speak to him? That’s really odd.

@BigHeadBertha, I think you mean well but she’s not faked the texts ans marriage counselling is not the magic bullet here. She needs to sit down and talk to him in the first instance, not call relate.

BigHeadBertha · 01/06/2021 19:23

@Momto2girliess

Hey (name) hope you are well. (My name) has been acting weird lately , she keeps talking about you and how she thinks I still love you. I think from now it's better if we just meet the 3 of us and not tell her. She will be extremely jealous and will leave me. I don't want to lose her. I don't wanna lose you and (husband name) either , you guys are the best
Okay, that's weird and it is also behind your back but I wouldn't call it "disgusting."

Apparently, he is saying he's worried that you will leave him and doesn't want to lose you.

Is there any truth to it? Do you talk about her a lot to him and do you think he still loves her?

I also note that he is requesting to meet with her and her husband, so it doesn't seem he is trying to hook up with her.

Could it be a misunderstanding?

At the very least, he needs to learn to speak to you, his wife, directly and not involve other people behind your back.

Have you given any thought to marriage counseling?

Bertiebassetsbabe · 01/06/2021 19:23

What an arsehole.

SuperstoreFan · 01/06/2021 19:23

He writes like a fucking child.

"You guys are the best."

RickiTarr · 01/06/2021 19:24

@Momto2girliess

Hey (name) hope you are well. (My name) has been acting weird lately , she keeps talking about you and how she thinks I still love you. I think from now it's better if we just meet the 3 of us and not tell her. She will be extremely jealous and will leave me. I don't want to lose her. I don't wanna lose you and (husband name) either , you guys are the best
That is deeply peculiar.
Bluntness100 · 01/06/2021 19:24

This reply has been deleted

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redastherose · 01/06/2021 19:26

@Momto2girliess that's all kinds of fucked up. Can you have an honest conversation with him about his strange behaviour? Is he reasonable? Perhaps you need to lay it in the line to him that you are seriously reconsidering your whole relationship and life and if he doesn't give some sensible explanation for this odd behaviour then the person you will no longer be talking to is him. Trying to separate you from a friend who you have become close to, regardless of the fact she's his ex, is not on at all. It does smack of being controlling and the underhanded and manipulative way he's tried to do it is just awful.

Theunamedcat · 01/06/2021 19:27

Does she have two kids? So it would be him her and the kids meeting up

He sounds jealous

I would tell her you have no issues with her just him making up stories

Lndnmummy · 01/06/2021 19:27

Please don’t get drawn into any infighting and points scoring that details the thread. The OP needs this thread to be a space space for her to get the advice and support that she needs at this difficult time. Please let her have that, it’s her thread. Don’t use her thread for tit for tats that derails her thread. That’s not fair on her.

GettingItOutThere · 01/06/2021 19:28

oh wow he really wants you isolated dosent he?

do not put up with this OP, keep the relationship with her and call him out on this shit

before i read your update i was all for - let him sort his own childcare out then, now im like you NEED friends, and you need to keep them

wheres home OP, originally? can you go back?

he is a class A prick

ducks. row. leave.

Lndnmummy · 01/06/2021 19:29

There might be language issues at play here too, the OP did say she left her country. No troll hunting people, you know the drill. Any suspicions report it I’m but leave the OP be.

HeechulOppa · 01/06/2021 19:29

That is really fucking weird!

Lollyneenah · 01/06/2021 19:31

He's isolating you and treating you like Property. Like a little boy who doesn't want to share his toy cars. It's fucking creepy.

PurpleSunrise · 01/06/2021 19:31

That’s so weird. What will you say to him? Do you feel comfortable having confrontations with him?

BigHeadBertha · 01/06/2021 19:32

@Bluntness100

Op what will you do? Will you speak to him? That’s really odd.

@BigHeadBertha, I think you mean well but she’s not faked the texts ans marriage counselling is not the magic bullet here. She needs to sit down and talk to him in the first instance, not call relate.

Again, as I said, the texts are PROBABLY not faked but you do not KNOW that they are not faked.

Again, I did NOT say marriage counseling was a magic bullet. I said it was a good idea.

I've already said this so you seem to just want to be right. I won't be answering you any more. Please direct your posts to the OP as well.

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