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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset at my dp reaction when he saw his ex at our house?

417 replies

Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 15:34

Long time reader but first time poster. DP and I been together for 7 years , and have 2 children. His ex wife and him have 2 kids together and get along well. She often comes over with her husband.

I am a Sahm , so when his kids are there - every other week- I take care of them. He leaves at 6 and comes back at 7. The DC are 11 and 8. Their mom often babysits my 2 kids , and I babysit for her 2 toddlers.

Last night, she was with me and all the kids. DP got home and when she left he got very angry front of the children. " She is my ex, not yours!!" He went on to say that from now on he doesn't want our 2 kids to see her ,or for me to babysit for her other children.

He asks me to delete her phone number, and that he will take care of everything for his DC ( dropping them back, picking them up to their mom's) but somehow he still wants me to take care of them when they are there.

I am so surprised , I thought he liked his new and old partners to get along. He reminded me this morning " Don't talk to X , she is not the mom of your kids". I had no idea he felt that way. Everytime she was over with her husband he seemed to have enjoyed it

Aibu to be upset?

OP posts:
BigHeadBertha · 01/06/2021 18:58

It's easy to casually advise someone to throw away a marriage but it's not like that wouldn't also come with a very high price so maybe not so fast on that...

AnxiousWeirdo · 01/06/2021 18:59

Did he make a move on the ex that was rejected by her? It'd explain a lot of this..

BluebellsGreenbells · 01/06/2021 18:59

I think something has happened as well!

SuperstoreFan · 01/06/2021 19:01

He's a bit of an idiot, he must have known she'd tell you OP!

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2021 19:02

I don't know how you can be sure the texts aren't fake.

Becayse it’s very difficult to fake texts like this, and secondly as he’s already told the op to stay away from the ex, it fits she’s not faking it.

Branleuse · 01/06/2021 19:02

This is really odd. Is he so stupid that he thought you wouldnt talk to her about this and vice versa

Throckmorton · 01/06/2021 19:03

Christ, what a bastard. I suspect you have a good friend in his ex though, so don't let that go

MotherofTerriers · 01/06/2021 19:03

I'm so sorry OP. Try not to panic. There will be a way forward. Could you get a job - or would he let you return to your home country with the children?

RonSwansonsChair · 01/06/2021 19:07

Oh @Momto2girliess you poor thing, my heart is breaking for you - what a shit your husband is 🤬
I really hope you have someone to support in real life.
I'd be wanting to get to the bottom of whatever he is up to!

Brefugee · 01/06/2021 19:07

Can you take your kids and move in with the ex?

GabriellaMontez · 01/06/2021 19:08

Marriage counselling??!!! Shock

To totally change his entire personality?

He's a controlling liar. Start making plans for a future without him.

Schoolissues1 · 01/06/2021 19:08

Not good

notanothertakeaway · 01/06/2021 19:09

I always take this back to "what's best for the children?" and I think it's great for them to see that adults can get on and help each other out. Your DP's reaction seems odd

stillcrazyafterall · 01/06/2021 19:09

Sounds to me like he has another woman. How would your relationship with his ex look to another? I can't think of another explanation tbh. It is bizarre behaviour.

BigHeadBertha · 01/06/2021 19:09

@Bluntness100

I don't know how you can be sure the texts aren't fake.

Becayse it’s very difficult to fake texts like this, and secondly as he’s already told the op to stay away from the ex, it fits she’s not faking it.

True, but that is not the same as proof. I brought it up as a possibility because this whole situation is strange and doesn't make sense, so I wouldn't rule anything completely out until there's more info.
CandyLeBonBon · 01/06/2021 19:10

@Momto2girliess

OK everyone. He told her that I was jealous and no longer wanted her around. She sent me the actual texts. I am not sure I can write it here because it is so disgusting. I am the biggest idiot on the planet. I left my family , country ,job, friends. I don't work, have nothing.

What can I do?

WHAT??

Cunt.

That's seriously fucked up! She didn't believe him did she?

Branleuse · 01/06/2021 19:10

What do you mean when you said he wrote something disgusting. Do you mean he insulted you or was it an accusation

BigHeadBertha · 01/06/2021 19:11

@GabriellaMontez

Marriage counselling??!!! Shock

To totally change his entire personality?

He's a controlling liar. Start making plans for a future without him.

I don't think you understand what marriage counseling is.
Bluntness100 · 01/06/2021 19:11

@Branleuse

What do you mean when you said he wrote something disgusting. Do you mean he insulted you or was it an accusation
Yes it reads like he’s written something really bad and the op doesn’t want to repeat it.
RickiTarr · 01/06/2021 19:12

What’s the bit that’s too disgusting to write?

Keep calm. Try not to let him know that you know. You need time to think. Did you ask her to keep your conversation secret?

Scrumptiousbears · 01/06/2021 19:12

Did you tell her the truth?

BigHeadBertha · 01/06/2021 19:13

I don't know anyone who is actually married with kids or ever has been who would seriously suggest immediately breaking up the family because the husband appears to have lied to get his ex and current partners to stop being friends. That is quite a leap. More info. is needed. Just my opinion, though.

RickiTarr · 01/06/2021 19:14

@GabriellaMontez

Marriage counselling??!!! Shock

To totally change his entire personality?

He's a controlling liar. Start making plans for a future without him.

No, you can’t do honest communication with a manipulative liar.

Probably OP will want to leave eventually. Bad idea to let him know what she is thinking.

Peach01 · 01/06/2021 19:14

I don't think she's faked texts and this is all her elaborate plan. The texts will be on his phone too.
He's been sending these messages trying to poison the ex against OP and then flipped when he's seen them together in case she tells. Then warned OP to stay away from her.
Why would he want to do this?

OP early in your first post when you said he said "she's my ex, not yours" before I read on I thought what on earth! She's his ex not yours. What does that even mean. Is he being territorial. It's such an odd thing to say.

RickiTarr · 01/06/2021 19:15

@BigHeadBertha

I don't know anyone who is actually married with kids or ever has been who would seriously suggest immediately breaking up the family because the husband appears to have lied to get his ex and current partners to stop being friends. That is quite a leap. More info. is needed. Just my opinion, though.
He is playing some kind of sudden “divide and rule” psycho game that involves a lie so repulsive that OP is struggling to repeat it in writing.

I think this is more than a fib.