To think I’ve upset my friend

[Amiwrongor]

Been with my dp for a couple of years and shortly moving house so things are very busy for us! Alongside this trying to juggle seeing friends and lockdown easing...

One of my closest friends (from nursery days so pre dp etc) wants us to have a day or two away together but I just can’t see a free weekend over the next few months what with moving house and saying goodbye to dp/my family. We haven’t caught up for a year or so due to lockdown but I would rather we have a brunch or long meal to see each other. I think she is a bit upset about this, Aibu?!

For context friend is not local so would be some travel time to get there and back. I don’t really know what to do!

Yes YABU. Friends are important too. You can't fit in a single weekend in the next few months? I think that's poor tbh.

Cant you just go later? Your weekends must free up at some point?

Presumably you will still see your family after you’ve moved? I don’t understand why saying goodbye is a time consuming thing.

How “not local” is your friend?

You ANBU. Different times call for different ways of doing things at the moment.

Brunch or a meal will have to do for now until things are a bit more settled pandemic wise and you’ve settled into your new house.

How does moving take every weekend for the next few months?

Are you moving house to move in with your DP, or moving out of a house you currently share with DP? I am not sure why you are saying goodbye to him.
Personally, I think a long lunch is perfectly fine, but I can see why your friend might be a bit upset given you haven't seen each other for such a long time.

Reverse?

Surely you can’t put every weekend on hold for the move? Have you exchanged yet or do you have a completion date?

Or contract start date if it’s a rental etc

A good close friend?

I’d prioritise personally. You’re saying you can’t do for “months” having not seen each other over lockdown?

It’s the difference between a friendship that is rather superficial and one that really means something

YANBU. A weekend away is a big commitment to make, quite apart from the expense. I basically can never do them. Could you take an afternoon off work and meet up halfway to do something nice for an afternoon together?

Cant do a weekend for a few months is normal surely. Tell her youd love to see her amd then actually book something for a few months time when youre less busy.

I am not surprised your friend is feeling the way she is. Saying that you cannot see her for months shows her where she is in your priorities. She probably wants a few days away because of the distance between you both. If you both have to travel anyway it makes sense to stay over somewhere to have some quality time

Packing and saying goodbye to family would sound like an excuse if I was your friend

It sounds like OP could see her friend, but couldn’t accommodate a full weekend. I’d find it difficult to make space for a whole weekend get-together but could manage a day easily.

I can see how that can happen. My DD moves house today and it is mid July before they have a weekend free when DH and I can go visit them. They have other friends and family commitments between that time as well as working and getting settled into an entirely new city. I think a date a few months in the future sounds perfectly reasonable to book in a weekend away.

@Leeds2

Are you moving house to move in with your DP, or moving out of a house you currently share with DP? I am not sure why you are saying goodbye to him. Personally, I think a long lunch is perfectly fine, but I can see why your friend might be a bit upset given you haven't seen each other for such a long time.

I read it as they're saying goodbye to her DP's family i.e. they're moving away from the area both their families live?

Well saying you can't see someone for a few months will definitely make them feel like you don't value the friendship

How far away does she live? I can understand her not wanting to just meet for lunch if for example she's four hours away. At the same time, I think it's understandable if you can't manage a whole weekend away. Surely there is something in between those two options?

Really you’re booked uo for every single weekend for several months becayse you’ve to move house and say goodbye to your family?

That’s really unusual. I moved countries twice, literally to main land Europe and back and it wasn’t this onerous.

@Womencanlift

I am not surprised your friend is feeling the way she is. Saying that you cannot see her for months shows her where she is in your priorities. She probably wants a few days away because of the distance between you both. If you both have to travel anyway it makes sense to stay over somewhere to have some quality time

Packing and saying goodbye to family would sound like an excuse if I was your friend

She hasnt said she cant see her. Shes said she cant do a whole weekend

@Bluntness100

Really you’re booked uo for every single weekend for several months becayse you’ve to move house and say goodbye to your family?

That’s really unusual. I moved countries twice, literally to main land Europe and back and it wasn’t this onerous.

Really? That would be HUGE for me

Really? That would be HUGE for me

Well it was huge for us too, but it didn’t involve every weekend for several months, no,

Not unreasonable IMO, moving house is a massive stressor and you’ve offered to meet her for brunch.

I wouldn’t be booking a hotel with a friend at the moment for a few days away (covid isn’t over, restrictions may return if cases keep rising).

Yanbu. Offer up brunch and forget it. People have lives abs if find it difficult to find a weekend to go away even with COVID restricting my activities.
Your friend sounds like hard work.

*and I would find it difficult