To do IVF anyway

[Chickenonaperch]

Quick background. Been married 10 years, with husband longer. We started trying for a baby 7 years ago, had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy needing my tube removed. Husband has a low sperm count. Did 5x IVF rounds & all failed. I've also had various unpleasant tests and surgeries to correct issues

We are due to do another round in a month's time. IVF, pregnancy loss and 7 years of uncertainty has made our marriage rocky.

Husband has always been a big drinker, before I met him, before we married. Didn't cut down when we started trying for a baby but he did cut down on alcohol when he realised there was make factor infertility and we needed IVF. However he always went back to it after each failed IVF.

He typically drinks way over government guidance i.e. at it's worst we could be talking 80-100 units per week. He makes promises to stop and stops for a few weeks then it creeps back in.

He stopped 12 weeks prior to our next IVF round but then started having the odd one which became 2 & 3. I gently said that the clinic said a drink every now and again wouldn't hurt but not more than 3 units per day. He was pushing it to around 7 units per day around 4 days per week.

Yesterday in the hear, doing DIY he went and got 4 cans of beer, I asked him not to drink them all as we are 5 weeks from IVF. We argued and he promptly went and bought another 4 pints.

Now my question is, I've waited so long to do this next IVF because of covid and my health. Do I go ahead anyway and hope he stops drinking when we have a baby and hope that last night's binge hasn't affected it or do we stop here and accept no children?

I'm 38 he's 42. Time isn't on our side.

So sorry op

Your post has touched me and has brought back so many thinks, memories and emotions. I am a child of an alcoholic. My mum had infertility issues (well I guess I know where I get it from). My parents were trying almost 6 years to have me, and then a few more for a second child that never came. I know my life is a gift, and I thank them both for creating me, but if I was my mum's friend (back then), I am not sure I would tell her to go through all this with him. I admire her so much because she basically raised me on her own. She is a great mom, dad, friend, supporter, but I would never want to have her life. Even now, I tell her, that she deserves happiness and that she should leave him, but now she feels sorry for him.
Growing up, I had many problems with my father, he was never agressive, but he was depressed, drunk and emotionally abusive I would say and it took me a lot of time, therapy and effort to accept it and not have it affect my life too much.
I would like to focus on my mom, my hero. Because of her, I know that I will be strong, I will be capable, and I can become a single mother. She did everything alone and she did a good job as well.
Currently, I am searching for IVF clinics, and how to go about it, to create my own family. I know my child will not have a father, but I do believe it to be a better option than having a wrong father.
I am sorry for the long post, I am sorry if I wasn't helpfull or even optimistic, but I couldn't read this post without commenting...

I wish you all the luck in the world, remember that you are strong enough, you can do everything you put your mind to EXCEPT change/fix someone that doesn't want to be changed/fixed.

I would definitely still do it if I was desperate for kids

OP if he's a good man and you think he'll be a wonderful father I'd go ahead with the treatment. If he doesn't sort himself out you can always go it alone. I'm shocked people suggesting leaving and using a sperm donor, you haven't even said he was an alcoholic (although it does sound like he has a problem). Sorry, I haven't read the full thread but I just want to say I sympathise on the infertility. We are married 8.5 years and I'm 39 and 17 weeks pregnant with our first child, we did ivf and I miscarried and eventually I got pregnant naturally. I know what the longing for a baby feels like. I understand that some might say its selfish to go through ivf but most probably don't know the longing feeling of wanting to be a mother. And if he doesn't sort himself out with the likes of AA then you can raise the baby yourself. Many happy children raised by a single mother, you don't have to bring your child up with an alcoholic parent. Wishing you lots of luck x

He's an alcoholic. As someone who has experienced alcoholism in the family, let me tell you - he won't change! Your life will be ruled by his drinking binges and it'll slowly wear you down. Do you want to be 60 and still having your life ruled by an alcoholic? No? Then leave. And abandon the baby idea, it'll just make.it all worse.