People who monologue rather than having a conversation?

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My sister does this. A lot.

We went for dinner and when I politely asked about it (I responded to something she was saying and looked affronted, and replied “can I finish please?”) to which I reminded her that it was a conversation, not a lecture/monologue... she very firmly replied that no she wasn’t monologuing, but nevertheless carried on and in.

Sadly I think our relationship is pretty non existent anyway (or at least headed that way) - she has a rigidity of thinking where she just won’t accept or tolerate other people’s different opinions.

Anyone have any advice?

I remember talking to a guy when I was OLD - we spoke on the phone and he talked for 45 minutes without pausing for breath. I didn't know him, had exchanged very few messages and at the end of the phone call he didn't know anything about me. He wrote me a really irate message when I said I didn't want a date.

Depends on the intensity, but with a boss like this the only tactic that worked for me was to drop something and break the flow. I became very clumsy. I suppose at a meal, you could spill something ...

Does she live alone? And possibly internalises things a lot? Then again perhaps not. Being talked at rather than to is wearisome.

My sis in law is like this. It's impossible to get a word in. Especially on the phone. Very frustrating.

Reading replies with interest.

I’m in a group that meets for two hours each month. One of the women dominates the whole group with her monologues. I once sat and watched the clock as she talked for 15 solid minutes about a holiday she had in the 90s. Everyone sat and listened politely! There was no gap where you could slide in and say “thanks Janet but anyway...” How do you interrupt that flow?!

This bugs me too, but if it's a close relative you just need to accept it, unless you want to break contact. For non relatives, just avoid them. They won't change. They will probably find other other monologuers to hang out with, which will bring them some sort of equilibrium.

I'm afraid I do this. I feel I need to give a complete answer and don't naturally know when to pause to make my reply less information giving and more "conversational". It embarrasses me. I also repeat whole sentences for some unknown reason. I am aware that I do this however and i try to limit my participation for this very reason!

My son does this but he’s ASD, he’s 15 now and still can’t have a proper conversation, he talks at you, whether you are interested or not, he’s not interested in your response. Info dumping. You learn to tune out!

Watching with interest. My boss does this - she can talk for ages without pausing for breath and there's literally no way of stopping her as there's no gap in the conversation. I find talking (well, listening) to her absolutely exhausting.

My nanna does this. But at 90 odd I make allowances.

This drives me insane. I now actively avoid people who do this.

You have to interrupt these people with action, as others have suggested... Knock over a drink, drop something in the floor... Pretend your phone is ringing... Anything to stop the monologue...

I have a friend like this and it can be really draining. They will push really hard to set a date/time for a Zoom chat and no matter what is going on in my life, the "conversation" will be all about them.

If I try to talk about something else, they will just interrupt me or say "mm hmm, mm hmm, yeah..." until they can talk about themselves again. I always leave the call with a headache because it's exhausting listening to a stream of consciousness for two hours.

Agree beforehand everyone gets equal talk time and use a pomodoro timer?

My son and I are autistic and we do this. I try really hard not to at times. My boy just enjoys sharing his interests (with every little detail!). I also have EUPD and the need for validation that comes from that means I can give very long answers etc and repeat myself to try and feel 'heard'. Rigidity of thought can come from both too. DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) has helped me a lot. I can understand it is frustrating

They probably asked for a response to give you on Mumsnet lol. There are people who give a huge long answer to people of what to say in a situation and seem to think the other person will be happy to sit there for the length of time it would take to deliver it 😝

@SummerBreeze1980

My son and I are autistic and we do this. I try really hard not to at times. My boy just enjoys sharing his interests (with every little detail!). I also have EUPD and the need for validation that comes from that means I can give very long answers etc and repeat myself to try and feel 'heard'. Rigidity of thought can come from both too. DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) has helped me a lot. I can understand it is frustrating

That's really interesting. Does the quality of "feedback" you are getting make any difference? I know quite a few people who monologue, for different reasons I suppose. But when I've been intensely interested - nodding, smiling, agreeing, reacting - it has maybe seemed to wind down sooner.

I was OLD many moons ago and went to meet someone who was drop dead gorgeous. Our very brief date was him talking non stop about how fit he was (gym, iron man yada yada yada) he decided that we wouldn't have a further meet up (thank fuck) and I can only surmise that I was rejected on looks alone because I sure as hell didn't get to demonstrate my witty repartee

@SummerBreeze1980 yeah that is really interesting. I wonder if it’s an ASD thing, I don’t know.

My frustration is in the fact that (for example) she was telling me about how someone at work had told her to delegate more. So, given it was a conversation and she had been speaking for a while at this point, I jumped in to say that actually I didn’t always think you could delegate in certain areas of work eg in my job / at my work, it’s more difficult. She stared at me and said “can I finish please?” - which frankly makes me feel quite dismissed! I could be anything, a wall, a piece of furniture, but she is happy just to monologue at me. She doesn’t care what my responses are.

I know someone like this, when we meet up it’s all “me.me.me.”

I hear about every minute detail of her life, her neighbours life, her cousins, husbands dads illness, her pets.......and I can’t get a word in edgewise. I just glaze over and nod occasionally. At the end, in the last 10 minutes before I have to leave to pick DC up I will get “so, how’s things with you?”

These people drive me mad. I work with one, and every day he tells me what exercises he did the day before, what he watched on TV the night before, and how every bloody plant in his garden is doing. If I even attempt to say something about my evening or weekend he just completely zones out! Its so bloody rude! The weird thing is he should be a very interesting guy, he has travelled all over and done all sorts of amazing things, but he is genuinely the biggest bloody bore!

I went for dinner with someone who did this. It was ALL about them. I tried to add to the conversation but I was overridden and it kept going on and on. I was praying for the bill at the end tbh. Never been out with them again.

My dad does this, but he will also interrupt other people who are already talking to start speaking himself. Drives me absolutely mad! It's entirely down to him thinking he, and what he has to say, is more important than other people.

I'd love to tackle it but he won't change and it will cause a lot of resentment from him.