People who monologue rather than having a conversation?

[SainsburysBags]

My sister does this. A lot.

We went for dinner and when I politely asked about it (I responded to something she was saying and looked affronted, and replied “can I finish please?”) to which I reminded her that it was a conversation, not a lecture/monologue... she very firmly replied that no she wasn’t monologuing, but nevertheless carried on and in.

Sadly I think our relationship is pretty non existent anyway (or at least headed that way) - she has a rigidity of thinking where she just won’t accept or tolerate other people’s different opinions.

Anyone have any advice?

I used to be a bit of a monologuer. Not as bad as any of these posts but it was definitely a problem I had.

I've always been a chatterbox and as the youngest in my family I spent my childhood being babied and my rambling on treated as adorable. It's maybe cute on a 5 year old but at 25 it's just gross.

I don’t do it now. I had to train myself out of it.

What I have found now i'm listening is that people speak so slow! "Sooooo, I went to Ikea on ummmm Tuuuuuuesday and..." and the urge to speed up the conversation is strong but I hold my tongue.

@thelegohooverer

My ds does this - asd related, and it’s obvious that he gets a big release from it, and finds it really calming.

I tune a lot of it out. But I know, by letting him do this, that I’m contributing to him not learning to read the social cues.

I don’t know how to teach him what he needs to learn, but also let him get the “brain dump” release he needs.

We don’t really have conversations as such, and these monologues about his life, and what he’s watching/reading are how we bond.

But I’m painfully aware that I’m raising a bore.

That's interesting thelegohoover. You sound lovely

Could you discuss with him that there are two types of talking - just telling someone everything, or a back and forth conversation. And that they are appropriate for different situations. E.g. If he was making a YouTube video, or giving a lecture, the first is appropriate, but that conversations with peers are more about bonding and listening to other opinions. If he could learn two distinct methods, you could still happily accept the first from him sometimes, but perhaps reserve other times for two-way conversation. And then that could lead onto discussions of how to tell which type of conversation people want, verbal and nonverbal cues.

@Pemba

Maybe this is something we should teach our kids? Conversational skills? Since a lot of people seem unaware they're doing it.

Or a new school subject to be introduced? Could be part of 'Social skills' perhaps. Sorry teachers! Maybe not.

They do or try to Pemba....when I taught it used to be called Talking Partners...Lord alone knows what trendy name it has got now. Usually involved feverish talking in pairs at the end of which I would say to Johnny.....what did your partner say? Johnny would start to tell me what he had said to which I would encourage ....and what did your partner say? Johnny would look at me obliquely ....with a wtf face in utter bewilderment and then because he hadn't really listened to his partner first time they would go through the discussion again, by which time my moustache had regrown... then Johnny would tell me what he thought his partner had said at which point said partner would argue they hadn't said it and a row would ensue.........

In fairness they all worked out that I was sneaky and may well try to trick them like poor Johnny and paid attention to what their friends said...listening and interacting skills....not needed so much by the iPad generation....