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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Busy, busy, busy!

253 replies

Darkdecent · 31/05/2021 09:29

People who don't work, haven't worked for years, have one child in full time school.
She's always busy, busy, super busy today!
How busy can you be?

Why do they say this? I know people who are genuinely busy but never mention it.

Is it some sort of insecurity that they feel they should be doing more?

OP posts:
JustJoinedRightNow · 31/05/2021 12:22

Based on your last update then OP, why on earth do you even care? Stay out of her business, and better yet, do her a favour and delete her off Facebook.
Bloody miserable post.

BelleClapper · 31/05/2021 12:24

Titty as long as you’re not constantly telling your friends, who work 48hr weeks, that you are soooo busy and tired, you’re golden. I know you weren’t being competitively busy.

OldkermitSippingtea · 31/05/2021 12:24

Busy to me means more doing things one is obliged to do, not choose to do

That's where the problem lies, isn't it? People put their own value on what being busy is and want it to be the same for everyone.

If you're doing something, you're busy. What that 'something' is doesn't matter. People are usually too busy (doing anything) to do something else if that other thing isn't as interesting/important to them. You can be too busy playing computer games to sleep. You can be just as busy with 'normal parenting' as you are with filing papers in the office.

So the judgement on whose "busyness" is better than others' is not the point.

BlueLobelia · 31/05/2021 12:26

@WorraLiberty

HappyHappyHippocampus

A little bit jealous OP?

Of what? I actually like working and can't imagine doing nothing all day.

And yet if you were truly happy with your lot, I can't imagine starting a thread like this would ever enter your head.

Just because she is not working does not mean she is 'doing nothing all day'.

Juse because you do not know what it is she does, does not mean that she does nothing and/or what she does is not of value.

Hmm
ineedaholidaynow · 31/05/2021 12:26

If you hardly know her, how do you know what she is doing?

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 31/05/2021 12:27

I think everyone likes to think of themselves as busy, but busy is subjective and therefore different for everyone. Someone can be busy with ironing and cleaning all day, and someone else can also be busy with this in the evening because they’ve worked in the day. The one who has done the ironing and cleaning in the day can be “busy” relaxing in the evening whilst the other gets less time to be busy relaxing. Everyone’s lives are different and whilst we might find it annoying that someone’s “busy watching the TV” , it’s not really any of our business how someone else gets to or chooses to live their life.

OldkermitSippingtea · 31/05/2021 12:28

She is only a friend on facebook and a distant relative who I hardly ever see, and we have never met up or ever would. Except at family occasions.

So you really don't know this person but you seem to know what she does and doesn't do outside of the internet? Does she post about everything in her life? I'm asking because you said "nope" when someone mentioned she may be volunteering somewhere - so how do you know? Has she posted about not being a volunteer anywhere?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/05/2021 12:31

Like others, likely justification to show they can’t possibly work and need to be at home.
In real life, people seem to manage full time work, parenting and running a house just fine.

Tittyfilarious · 31/05/2021 12:35

@BelleClapper nope I never mention that I'm busy because it's just my normal day. To me busy = got stuff to do Smile

Terrazzo · 31/05/2021 12:39

She is only a friend on facebook and a distant relative who I hardly ever see, and we have never met up or ever would. Except at family occasions.

So you don’t know much about her at all then? I have had a busy few months, but it’s things like spending my child free day decluttering and putting stuff in storage so we can do our extension, rushing to singing lesson right after my morning pottery class, teaching myself watercolour, planning DS’ birthday party. On top of other life crap. :) literally not interested at all at adding extra stress into my life and this is honestly the lifestyle that makes me happy so I don’t care if you think my life is empty 😄

Terrazzo · 31/05/2021 12:41

But I don’t mention I’m busy as it’s just my preferred state of being and nice stuff. I have a friend who bangs on about how busy she is so I sympathise as it sounds like she doesn’t want to be/is venting.

Original poster
Darkdecent · 31/05/2021 12:48

@OldkermitSippingtea

She is only a friend on facebook and a distant relative who I hardly ever see, and we have never met up or ever would. Except at family occasions.

So you really don't know this person but you seem to know what she does and doesn't do outside of the internet? Does she post about everything in her life? I'm asking because you said "nope" when someone mentioned she may be volunteering somewhere - so how do you know? Has she posted about not being a volunteer anywhere?

She's a relative and i know her mum very well. She doesn't do any keep fit stuff. Hasn't worked in years. No voluntary work. She does follow lots of people on facebook so maybe that's what keeps her such a busy, busy bee.
OP posts:
rollonsummeryay · 31/05/2021 12:51

Maybe she's busy avoiding you? You don't sound very nice at all. Hmm

Embracingthechaos · 31/05/2021 12:59

@rollonsummeryay

Maybe she's busy avoiding you? You don't sound very nice at all. Hmm
I think you've hit the nail on the head.
Nettleskeins · 31/05/2021 13:03

This children's book used to make me think....

speakout · 31/05/2021 13:04

How do you know she doesn't work?

My neighbours think I don;t work when in truth I workd full time, running a business from home.
It isn't mentioned on my Facebook page, I only use that sparingly for personal stuff.
I come and go at all times of the day, often with gym gear, carrying shopping etc. The casual observer would think I am a woman of leisure.

schoolfinder007 · 31/05/2021 13:04

You seem very interested in someone who you're clearly not very fond of...

Bizarre

betterlifenostrife · 31/05/2021 13:06

@rollonsummeryay

Maybe she's busy avoiding you? You don't sound very nice at all. Hmm
This is what I thought too, people often say they are busy if they are making excuses to not chat?

If you never see her how do you know what she is up to? She might have several online businesses on the go, be writing her third best seller...

Devlesko · 31/05/2021 13:06

I'm busy doing nothing tbh.
Working the whole day through. Trying to find lots of things not to do. Grin
You can be busy doing anything, a hobby, interest, etc.
It doesn't have to be work, that would be so boring if you had to think up jobs to do to justify an existance.

betterlifenostrife · 31/05/2021 13:07

She might also be busy making job applications?

OhRene · 31/05/2021 13:07

I'm a sahm and I have no idea where the time goes. Feels like I never sit down and my lot are in school! I guess we're all different, eh? Fancy that.

HelloMissus · 31/05/2021 13:09

It’s a very middle class female thing to declare yourself ‘busy’ when someone just politely asks how you are.
Similarly it’s a thing to list things that every human has to do as if they were super special and arduous. Double points for describing them in ludicrous ways

  • sourcing things (ordering them to the rest of us).
  • exercise regimes or journeys (going for a run to the rest of us)
  • making their home a project (decorating to the rest of us)
  • extending/enriching their children’s education (taking them out and about to the rest of us).
mumof2exhausted · 31/05/2021 13:36

I completely understand ! My friend is like this, she’s always sooooooo busy. 1 kid in school and doesn’t work. I have to constantly work around her to meet up and I’ve got 3 kids including a baby and work part-time around baby’s naps etc

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 31/05/2021 13:48

Busier than thou is the new holier than thou.