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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Busy, busy, busy!

253 replies

Darkdecent · 31/05/2021 09:29

People who don't work, haven't worked for years, have one child in full time school.
She's always busy, busy, super busy today!
How busy can you be?

Why do they say this? I know people who are genuinely busy but never mention it.

Is it some sort of insecurity that they feel they should be doing more?

OP posts:
thisplaceisweird · 31/05/2021 11:41

There are people that consider themselves busy, but allow themselves half a day twice a week to grocery shopping and errands. If that's your life, than I'm sure you do feel busy when something is added to your routine.

I made the choice to pack my life with stuff, every hour counts, most days. So I'm very productive and have to be organised to make it work.

The friction is often because I still find time to do things and I can't understand how someone can't just hurry up and get their shit together to do the same thing in the same time frame. They just aren't used to having to pack their days, so they feel busy. That's fine and I understand where my friends come from, doesn't mean it's not a little bit annoying to hear "I'm soo busy" from someone who's childfree and unemployed with no other responsibilities.

MurryFuff · 31/05/2021 11:42

@shivawn

I think they do believe they are busy actually. People just settle in to their regular pace and that becomes busy to them although it would be extremely sedentary to us.

Yes!!

This applies to my elderly retired parents. Bless them ❤️

ApplyWithin · 31/05/2021 11:44

Not everyone who works outside the home is actually busy. Plenty sitting on their bums in offices surfing the web and answering the odd call. Doing a bit of filing. Make a few more calls. Answer the phone. Go for lunch. Etc etc

Not everyone is putting in 18 hour days on the M&A desk at Goldman Sachs.

PurpleRainDancer · 31/05/2021 11:47

@OldkermitSippingtea

Is "working" the only form of being busy? Couldn't someone be busy at home cleaning, mending clothes, washing dishes, answering chat messages, surfing the net, ironing, food-shopping and meal prepping, etc? Aren't those "work" too?
This
thisplaceisweird · 31/05/2021 11:56

Yes but most us work and do all of this in a day @PurpleRainDancer

maddiemookins16mum · 31/05/2021 11:56

‘Busy doing nothing’ is a thing.
I can spend all day doing this on my days off work.

Fairyliz · 31/05/2021 11:57

I retired a couple of years ago so have an extra 50 hours a week compared to when I was working/commuting.
I thought by now my house would be freshly decorated, sparkling clean with a perfect garden, but it’s not!
I’m not quite sure what I do some days but it’s true that your ‘work’ expands to fill the time available.

user1471554720 · 31/05/2021 12:00

She probably feels busy. Also a lot of sahms with older kids get i to gardenng house msintenance, painting a room. This can be very time consuming. As I work nearly fulltime, dh fits in gardening at weekends (low maintenance lawn). We do painting only when essential. I clean skirting boards, declutter less often. I fit a run into lunchtime.

On the other hand a sahm may go to a gym, sauna, swim. By the time all that is done, 3 hours could have passed including travel time, styling hair etc. Then they could spend hours researching hols online, buying clothes for dc. We only do one hol a year and get the travel agent to do it. I research online at 9pm at night if needed.

Bagamoyo1 · 31/05/2021 12:01

@FrankButchersDickieBow

Because how busy people see themselves as depends upon what they usually do e.g. for an elderly person, having a letter to post that day can mean they feel they are really busy

Patronising and ageist.

It’s not patronising or ageist! It’s true. My Mum is 80 and often tells me that an activity that would previously take her 5 minutes, now fills her day.
BelleClapper · 31/05/2021 12:01

Oh I know exactly what you mean. My SIL is like this. Busy busy busy. One teenager, sahm.

I get regular text updates of how busy she is, actual photos of what cleaning she’s done.

I work 12hr days in hospitality, three kids, two dogs, big house. I just smile and nod. It’s her perception and if it makes her happy to think she’s sooooo busy all the time then all power to her.

I did snap once when she said she had a migraine and wished she could go back to bed (there is literally nothing stopping you, you mad cow).

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 31/05/2021 12:04

I don't have to justify my existence.

However, I used to be one of those busy, busy, busy people. I hated being stuck indoors. I always had something to do, whether it was going to the gym, swimming, rehearsals, gigs, choir practice, evenings out, seeing friends, going on expeditions into London, exploring different specialist food shops and cuisines, conservation work, decorating, shopping, volunteering, etc, etc. I've always been very aware of how quickly you can lose freedom because I've got PsA and a flare can take years to get through.

Last year's lockdown was tough, but I'd already sort of got used to doing fuck all as a result of a flare from the previous year and having caught Covid in March, the majority of it was spent trying to get enough air into my lungs and then forcing myself to get some exercise by using the upstairs bathroom instead of the downstairs, complete with a twenty five minute recovery period between each stage. Having a bath and actually getting myself in and out of it, never mind drying off, was far too much excitement for me. By August, I actually left the house three days a week for a graduated return to work and that felt like the most amazing thing ever.

The winter lockdown has been harder, as I've physically been able to do more things, but nothing's been open and DP took the Don't Leave Your Immediate Area stuff literally.

I'm really hoping that there isn't another lockdown, as I'd like at least a limited version of busy to come back. After all, I never know if I'm going to have another PsA flare, so I've got to get as much living in as I can.

Nothingyet · 31/05/2021 12:04

I'm retired, I hardly have a minute to spare each day.
Admittedly, I do stuff I want to do.

Darkdecent · 31/05/2021 12:07

@fairydust11

Perhaps she has other things going on that you’re not aware of? I doubt you know every aspect of her life. For instance she could have started a course and be studying, she could be going on holiday, planning to move house etc...depending upon how close you are as a friend you may not know everything. Or on the other hand she could be making excuses and she said it as a reason not to meet up? It depends on context - is she saying it as a response to you asking her to do something?
She is only a friend on facebook and a distant relative who I hardly ever see, and we have never met up or ever would. Except at family occasions.
OP posts:
BelleClapper · 31/05/2021 12:07

It’s the complaining about being busy though.

It’s literally all optional. You don’t have a boss. You can sack off the hoovering or the coffee morning if you don’t want to do it.

Tittyfilarious · 31/05/2021 12:10

It really depends on how you define busy I'm a sahm and I'd say I'm busy most days just with school runs any shopping we need, I don't drive so this takes me alot longer than someone who can, housework, house maintenance and any other jobs around the house then school run again then tea cleaning up etc so to me my day is quite full so I'm busy Smile

BelleClapper · 31/05/2021 12:14

And yet those of us who work ft still have all those tasks to do and manage to fit it in.

It is slightly wearing to hear someone wang on about their busy day when it’s just very normal parenting/adulting.

Subbaxeo · 31/05/2021 12:15

It depends what one means by busy. Another poster said when she didn’t work, she was still busy because she played a lot of sport. I don’t count that as busy-playing sport, shopping, meeting friends etc is a life of leisure to me. Busy to me means more doing things one is obliged to do, not choose to do.

Tinkling · 31/05/2021 12:16

I don’t work, haven’t for years, school age children. Very busy! There’s no sitting around and doing nothing going on here. I clean, cook from scratch 95% of the time (including breakfast and lunch), exercise, socialise, house and life admin, ship my children to their various activities / play dates, look after the pets, volunteer at the school in two differing positions, undertake training for said positions... add in birthday parties / Christmas / entertaining / holiday preparation and I am BUSY BUSY BUSY. I don’t know how I ever had time to work!

That said - I try to fit 80% of said activity into the 5 hours I have at home without the children. Which isn’t very long at all!

MeowPurrGrr · 31/05/2021 12:16

Why is everyone so critical over those that aren’t super busy? This competitive busyness/how hard working you are/how little sleep you’ve had needs to stop!! Why not ask whether they’re happy and content?

I recently met with 2 friends, inevitably the subject of how busy they were came up and off they went saying how many hours they’ve worked and how little sleep they’re getting, busy busy busy people! I stopped them in their tracks asking if they’re actually happy and they both quickly said no, I asked what they’ll do to change that and they were too stumped to answer. I made some simple suggestions and they made excuses for all or them. I’m sure they hated me for not praising their work ethic whilst making themselves utterly miserable in the process.

I recently made some life changes as I was unhappy and had no work life balance. I now work what I need to comfortably pay my bills and have some savings and the rest of my time I chose what to do with, housework, gardening, shopping trips, time with friends and family or just sitting on my arse drinking wine and watching Netflix! I prioritise life now and I’m happy and content.

Life is so incredibly short and it could end for any of us at any moment, so dust if you must and all that and stop expecting praise for being a ‘busy busy bee’!

BigFatPasty · 31/05/2021 12:16

@BelleClapper

And yet those of us who work ft still have all those tasks to do and manage to fit it in.

It is slightly wearing to hear someone wang on about their busy day when it’s just very normal parenting/adulting.

Well aren’t you super mum Hmm
sadperson16 · 31/05/2021 12:18

I think " I'm busy" is a code for " I don't want to see you and spend time with you"

BelleClapper · 31/05/2021 12:21

@sadperson16

I think " I'm busy" is a code for " I don't want to see you and spend time with you"
Not with my busy person, she always wants to meet up and doesn’t always understand why I didn’t want to pop in for a coffee on my way home from work.

It makes her happy to be busy and she does fill her days but it can grate when she complains about it. As I said, 90% of it is completely optional.

Wombats12 · 31/05/2021 12:22

I'm neurodivergent. I'm lucky if I manage one thing a day and that's my aim. All this pack every minute stuff would end in me having a tantrum or getting very stressed out.

Not everyone has a brain that can deal with a packed day.

If I take my time and look after my mental health, then I get a lot done. Just not every day...life has been a lot easier since I made my life more friendly to my "limitations".

Tittyfilarious · 31/05/2021 12:22

@BelleClapper

And yet those of us who work ft still have all those tasks to do and manage to fit it in.

It is slightly wearing to hear someone wang on about their busy day when it’s just very normal parenting/adulting.

I am aware that you do, what I was meaning was that in my life my day is full of things to do so I'm busy in my day it's not a wohm vs sahm thread it's about being busy
BelleClapper · 31/05/2021 12:22

As the OP says, I suspect it’s an insecurity thing, she feels she has to constantly justify her SAHM role.

I’m just terminally lazy and prefer doing nothing with my spare time but that’s just me.

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