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AIBU?

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Original poster

Busy, busy, busy!

253 replies

Darkdecent · 31/05/2021 09:29

People who don't work, haven't worked for years, have one child in full time school.
She's always busy, busy, super busy today!
How busy can you be?

Why do they say this? I know people who are genuinely busy but never mention it.

Is it some sort of insecurity that they feel they should be doing more?

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 31/05/2021 11:01

I know several people who recently retired and they've said they are far busier now than when they were walking.
They volunteer
Go for walks
Meet friends
Shop
Look after grandchildren
Bake
Crafts
Listen to music
Do adult education (or U3A)
Sing
DIY
Get a pet

Posieandpip · 31/05/2021 11:01

Housework/home improvements/gardening projects/volunteering/creatice projects/exercise classes/studying? I can think of literally countless things. Employment and childcare aren't the only things that take up people's time.

Posieandpip · 31/05/2021 11:01

*creative

lightand · 31/05/2021 11:01

I know someone who paid the price for always trying to keep herself busy[her reason was to feel self important].
She had a stroke in her mid fifties.
We all knew she was doing things unnecessarily, sadly.
She didnt die, but her life will never be the same again.

TheFuckingDogs · 31/05/2021 11:02

The retired are terrible for this 🤣 both my parents and in-laws are the busiest people on the planet according to them!

MargaretThursday · 31/05/2021 11:03

*working not walking"

BigFatPasty · 31/05/2021 11:04

The amount of people on here saying “I’M so busy, other people are NEVER as busy as ME” on a thread bemoaning how people complain about how busy they are is hilarious

81Byerley · 31/05/2021 11:04

@HTH1

Because how busy people see themselves as depends upon what they usually do e.g. for an elderly person, having a letter to post that day can mean they feel they are really busy, whereas a single parent who works FT may not even notice that same task in their schedule.
@HTH1, this is exactly what I was going to say. When I was childminding and fostering and had a house full of children, I never noticed I felt busy, though I was. Now I pace myself and have said to my husband "I think I'll have an early night, I've got a busy day tomorrow, the GP is phoning in the morning and I have to post that parcel"!
3scape · 31/05/2021 11:05

Probably to do with a skewed or capitalist view. If you view being "busy" as making money then of course you're going to be disparaging of someone who doesn't meet your own narrow view of productivity.

I do a voluntary job. So of course according to the OP I can never be busy. Because I'm a worthless sahm. That's a very common opinion in the UK. To reduce everyone's personal value and success to how much they earn.

PegasusReturns · 31/05/2021 11:07

@CindyTrevaskis

Unless you’re mounting an argument for suggesting that a trip to the shop and having to be home between 12-2 to take delivery of furniture is busy then it’s hardly ironic.

MachiaNelly · 31/05/2021 11:08

The amount of people on here saying “I’M so busy, other people are NEVER as busy as ME” on a thread bemoaning how people complain about how busy they are is hilarious

Good point.

georgarina · 31/05/2021 11:14

I'm a single parent and I work full time so I know how it is to be busy lol.

But I think other things fill the space...if I weren't working I would spend more time cleaning, running errands, doing hair/makeup, taking my kids to classes instead of childminder...all the less-essential or delegated things would take up more time in my schedule.

Plus it just feels busy to be around kids all day. There's constant running around and cleaning up.

When it comes to people I know though, like one who has parents babysit 3x per week, doesn't work, is married, and has a cleaner...surely that can't be busy? Although they all say they're 'surviving' lol

WhatMattersMost · 31/05/2021 11:14

@Darkdecent

People who don't work, haven't worked for years, have one child in full time school. She's always busy, busy, super busy today! How busy can you be?

Why do they say this? I know people who are genuinely busy but never mention it.

Is it some sort of insecurity that they feel they should be doing more?

It's a justification - a kind of cognitive dissonance - in many cases.
Bagamoyo1 · 31/05/2021 11:15

I think tasks expand to fill the time, and everyone has their own set level of perceived business.
Before I had kids I thought I had a busy life. Now I wonder what I did with my time in those days!

Thedogshow · 31/05/2021 11:18

Perhaps also insecurity on her part? Or trying, mistakenly, to make others feel better by saying she’s busy so they don’t think she’s got it too easy? There is a lot of pressure nowadays to suggest you are always busy.
I agree it’s annoying, but she probably doesn’t realise that it is and is just trying to justify how she spends her time.

Ponoka7 · 31/05/2021 11:18

@lllllllllll

"I'm extremely busy compared to many others I know. I don't understand it when people say they're bored - who has the time to be bored?"

I'm both busy and bored. It's mainly because of lock down. One of the children I mind is toilet training and with things still being shut, it really limits what we can do. I went out for tea yesterday, at a local pub, but with the table service and partitions there's no atmosphere. If I don't get any time off, that includes unpaid work, to have a day out, I'm totally fed up and bored.

OP, I think she's either avoiding you, avoiding having a proper conversation and senses your attitude to people who don't work, or you've made remarks in the past and she's being passive aggressive.

user1497787065 · 31/05/2021 11:19

I was made redundant last year and have decided not to look for a new
job. I work hard at keeping myself occupied.

I think that being 'busy' has now become a competitive sport.

darklady64 · 31/05/2021 11:22

It seems spectacularly unimaginative to equate "not working" with "doing nothing all day"! Are you really not able to think of anything to do to fill time except work? What on earth are you going to do when you retire?

However, I do agree that anyone going on about how busy they are is a bit annoying.

MustardRose · 31/05/2021 11:23

There's busy and there's busy. If you're filling your days with long dog walks, scrapbooking, rearranging your ornaments, pilates classes, bottling plums, browsing websites to find just the right dress for that wedding you've been invited to, and soaking macaroni in different coloured water so the dc can make rainbow pasta necklaces, you're not really busy are you? They are all things that you 'want' to do. They're not things that have to be done asap.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 31/05/2021 11:23

Because how busy people see themselves as depends upon what they usually do e.g. for an elderly person, having a letter to post that day can mean they feel they are really busy

Patronising and ageist.

GreenLeafTurnip · 31/05/2021 11:24

No idea. I work part time and look after a toddler at home and I'm never busy. Well I am at work but not at home.

Toddlerteaplease · 31/05/2021 11:26

I know someone like this OP. And she puts it all on Facebook to show how busy she is. It's stuff I would do and then go and do a 12 hour shift without even thinking about it. Which is probably why it irritates me so much. Because it's just normal household chores/ life admin!

SummerBreeze1980 · 31/05/2021 11:29

Some people fill their days with lots of things. Lots of housework, shopping, meal prep, volunteering, look after elderly relatives, pta, other community roles, decorating, socialising etc etc.

But also 'busy' is very subjective.

EssexLioness · 31/05/2021 11:37

I am self employed, part time and no kids. To some people that may look cushy but I am autistic and can only manage part time so do the best I can. The pressure/ office politics/ too many deadlines leads to me completely breaking down and being unable to function in even basic self care, let alone anything else. So this is a manageable level for me. I am lucky in the fact that my husband is a high earner and just wants me to be happy. Only those close to me know that I am autistic. Many people with hidden disabilities keep the fact private.
If I was your friend, other things you may not understand is that everything takes me longer due to my cognitive difficulties... I struggle to organise things, and need breaks between tasks because my brain can’t handle switching from one thing to another. I also have to follow certain rituals/ compulsions/ ways of doing things as part of my autism, which aren’t always the most efficient way. Anything that involves leaving the house eg to go to the shops takes a lot out of me so I do consider that to be a busy day for me.
Other things you wouldn’t know about me, cos I am a very private person is that I am working on a one year diploma course and have 3 voluntary positions in my ‘spare’ time too. You also wouldn’t know that I go to church every Sunday because it’s something I have received negative comments about in the past, so just keep quiet.
So to someone that doesn’t know all of that then they may wonder how possibly I could be busy, as all they see is I work part time. They assume because we are comfortably off that I just swan about all the time, either shopping or lazing around the house. I do not owe anyone an explanation, as long as it works for me and DH.
Having said that, I am not someone who goes around telling people how busy they are. I’ve worked with people who are very vocal about their busy lives and understand this is annoying.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 31/05/2021 11:41

I just hope someone out there is not too busy to read this:

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.