Page 3 | Busy, busy, busy!

Darkdecent · 2021-05-31T08:29:49+00:00

People who don't work, haven't worked for years, have one child in full time school. She's always busy, busy, super busy today! How busy can you be? Why do they say this? I know people who are genuinely busy but never mention it. Is it some sort of insecurity that they feel they should be doing more?

Arrowheart · 31/05/2021 10:33

I had a friend like this. Too busy for everything. It WAS a competition for her. She is no longer a friend.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2021 10:33

HappyHappyHippocampus

A little bit jealous OP?

Of what? I actually like working and can't imagine doing nothing all day.

And yet if you were truly happy with your lot, I can't imagine starting a thread like this would ever enter your head.

MrsFin · 31/05/2021 10:34

"If you want to get something done, ask a busy person"

True.

OldkermitSippingtea · 31/05/2021 10:35

I'm sure there are people who like to mention they're busy at every chance but I doubt most are standing around just saying "Oh I'm so busy busy busy". It's usually when asked and often by people who're expecting to hear about some worthy cause or interesting activity - so they're hardly going on about it if answering questions.

lalamo · 31/05/2021 10:38

I think claiming extreme busyness is compensation for low self esteem / lack of purpose (excepting those situations when you are doing much more than you can manage ie work FT with 3 kids and no partner situation)

cosmo5 · 31/05/2021 10:41

I find it’s actually men who give off the “super busy” vibe and have this down to an art form so you can’t possibly ask them to do anything beyond their job.

I don’t work and haven’t for a long time and my DC are all teens now. Some days are busy, some are not.

The thing is, when you don’t work you do find a lot of random requests come your way from the DH that perhaps wouldn’t otherwise and this becomes a pattern. You’d be surprised. It’s pointless judging people from the outside in anyway. Everyone is different.

Baconking · 31/05/2021 10:41

One of my friends doesn't work but she is busy keeping her house immaculate, sewing, mending, ironing. Her husband works away quite a bit so she does all the home admin, child admin, school runs, extra curricular activity drop off and pick ups. She's busy!

I work, my DH is home every evening. We keep our home clean but it's not immaculate and not a daily priority to hoover. I don't iron or sew. DH & I share the children's activities.

I probably have more free time than my Friend does as our priorities are different.

PegasusReturns · 31/05/2021 10:42

If you want to get something done, ask a busy person

I was scrolling down to say that!

I have a FT job. I’m a NED and a trustee. I have 4 DC. I get up at 5:30 to exercise. I go to bed after midnight. I’m busy. (But wouldn’t have it any other way!)

I have many friends who are not busy yet tell me in great detail how hectic things are. They have to return the ECA form to school; purchase new trainers and organise delivery of the garden furniture. These are all things that get slotted in to my week and are not the week itself. I find it baffling.

CindyTrevaskis · 31/05/2021 10:44

@PegasusReturns

If you want to get something done, ask a busy person

I was scrolling down to say that!

I have a FT job. I’m a NED and a trustee. I have 4 DC. I get up at 5:30 to exercise. I go to bed after midnight. I’m busy. (But wouldn’t have it any other way!)

I have many friends who are not busy yet tell me in great detail how hectic things are. They have to return the ECA form to school; purchase new trainers and organise delivery of the garden furniture. These are all things that get slotted in to my week and are not the week itself. I find it baffling.

The irony! 😂

Baconking · 31/05/2021 10:45

Isn't it interesting OP, how you interpret not working to having NOTHING to do all day...

So if you didn't work, you would just be sitting drinking tea watching TV and couldn't come up with anything to fill your time

MrsBunHat · 31/05/2021 10:45

I'm a working single parent and have plenty to fit in. But if I wasn't working there's a whole list of things I would use my time for that I never have enough time for now - hobbies, exercise, DIY, reading, social life, mending/ebaying old stuff, all sorts. I could easily fill all day every day!

TSBelliot · 31/05/2021 10:46

It’s whatever becomes their norm. I do everything that your friend does Baconking and work full time in a job that requires hours of extra home working too. I love it. I prefer it really and full holidays with endless activities. My friend who doesn’t work can barely fit in her shopping and can’t whet her cleaning done but she really feels that. I think your capacity changes the busier you are and that how you describe it reflects feelings rather than time spent.

FreekStar · 31/05/2021 10:50

I have a friend like this. She doesn't work, has one teenager who goes to school and only has a 2 bedroomed terrace to look after. She's apparently run ragged, exhausted, too busy all the time, can't get anything done and her husband helps round the house with dinner when he gets home and has to do the supermarket shop for her at the weekend. According to her her life is manic!

In reality she spends all day doing research on the internet buying clothes and looking at what she can do next to get her DD into Oxbridge. Then she watches This Morning everyday.

Theunamedcat · 31/05/2021 10:51

Maybe its not her its you

osbertthesyrianhamster · 31/05/2021 10:51

Who cares? She is. So are you. You do you and she'll do her.

cosmo5 · 31/05/2021 10:53

I have 4 kids and I have a friend who only has two (also a SAHM). I kept asking her if she wanted to go for a run with us as she mentioned she wanted to get back into it. But she said, “I’m too busy this week.” She’s often “too busy” to go for lunch as well. I actually thought she might be avoiding me at one point or that she might even be depressed. But she’s not. It’s more that, in her mind, she has her routine. When the cleaner comes (twice a week) she goes around with the cleaner, sorting out all the drawers and allsorts. She is preparing one of her sons for exams to a selective school, so gets various material researched and this kind of thing while they’re at school. Her daughter has some dietary issues so she cooks a lot from scratch in the day and gets this out the way so she can focus on the homework in the evenings. Her husband works from home and expects her to make his lunch at a certain time every day. It might sound OTT to many, but this is how she operates and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks as she’s happy and it works for them, so that’s that.

MachiaNelly · 31/05/2021 10:54

I actually like working and can't imagine doing nothing all day

Not having a paid job doesn't equate to doing nothing all day.

There's so much more to life than work, if you're lucky enough to have the freedom to do it. I'm far busier now I'm retired than I ever was when I needed to work. Even busier, perhaps, than I was as a SAHM, in the sense that I can do more things for my own enjoyment, of my own choice. And that includes helping others. I'll always make time for a friend though, unless I'd rather not. In which case it's convenient that I have plenty of other things I can do and truthfully say I'm busy.

anniegun · 31/05/2021 10:55

You can be busy without doing work or childcare.

MrsBunHat · 31/05/2021 10:55

Having said that though, I have been pissed off by a SAHM friend with one child, at school, who was often cared for by grandparents, moaning to me about not having enough time. It's fine to say you're busy, but be careful who you moan to!

greenlynx · 31/05/2021 10:56

It’s difficult to tell without any context. Was your friend busy for day out or for a chat on the phone? Did you ask her to feed your cat for a week and she refused as she’s very busy?
Why don’t you ask her what she’s up to?

lllllllllll · 31/05/2021 10:58

I'm extremely busy compared to many others I know. I don't understand it when people say they're bored - who has the time to be bored?

3Britnee · 31/05/2021 10:59

@OldkermitSippingtea

Is "working" the only form of being busy? Couldn't someone be busy at home cleaning, mending clothes, washing dishes, answering chat messages, surfing the net, ironing, food-shopping and meal prepping, etc? Aren't those "work" too?

Exactly. Working all day to line someone else's pockets isn't the be all and end all of life.

LindaEllen · 31/05/2021 11:00

A lady I know has two kids in high school and still insists she needs to be a stay at home mum. Her husband works full time plus extra as they're really struggling, and she spends her time at the gym and out for coffee (often on her own). She's always busy busy busy too appaently!

Embracingthechaos · 31/05/2021 11:01

I think it's really hard to judge whether or not someone else is really busy.

Being a SAHP to a school age child doesn't give you enough info. People can have other things to do besides paid employment or caring for their children.

Also, as others have mentioned, I think most people think of themselves as busy. People settle in to a certain way of being. I still look back on my life prekids and laugh at how busy I thought I was. But at the time, I really did feel rushed off my feet.

Charles11 · 31/05/2021 11:01

I have a friend like that. She works very part time, has secondary school aged child and is always saying how busy she is.
A friend was looking to set up a book club and invited her and her response was ‘are you joking? I’m far too busy to read’
Fine if reading is not your thing, but it was such a patronising response.
Did make us laugh though.
She genuinely does feel busy but isn’t doing anything extra than most others. Some people cope better and are more productive than others.