Guy I've been on dates with has slept with someone else..aibu to be put off him?

[rachelsunshine]

I've had 3 dates with a guy and had a good time each time.
Tomorrow we have a date and we have booked for drinks and a meal.

He was out last night on a lads night out.
He has just text telling me he slept with someone last night and he wanted to be honest.
He said he still wants to see me tomorrow and hopes I still want to see him.
Aibu to be put off?
Would you still go ?

@JinglingHellsBells yeah I’ve not been on the dating scene for a very long time but even when I was people used to talk about being exclusive, still seeing other people etc. I couldn’t be arsed frankly. One at a time was always more than enough for me!

I’m glad you’ve seen him for what he is and putting yourself first.
I wondered if he was trying to make you jealous or see if you’d ‘admit’ you’d also slept with other people?
Either way huge red flags.

He sounds like he would be a real unstable drama queen to be in a relationship with, so I wouldn't take it any further if I were you.

@AllOptionsAreOnTheTable

I don't get this 'it's not exclusive so it's fine' stuff. Do people really have so little self control/such low self esteem that they have to see and maybe sleep with, several people at once?

They have had 3 dates. So you are expecting a life long commitment and a relationship after 3 dates?

And the OP has not slept with him.

It is possible to date more than one person while you are deciding who you like best. Not saying you have to have sex with them, but some responses here read as if from 100 years ago.

Just move on. It doesn't suit you. I have a teenage DD daughter, she doesn't buy into all this 'casual' and he was 'just clumsy but honest'. And 'this is how it is now in dating'.

@ChaToilLeam

I’d think he is testing you. I’d bin him.

Agree with this. He wants to see if he can ride roughshod over your boundaries and how much crap you will put up with. Only one good answer to that test. Get rid.

he is either testing boundries or he is immature.

It sounds like he’s crossed your boundaries. I’d give meeting him tomorrow a miss and let things cool.

If it’s a mistake/now realises wasn’t a great thing to do, he was drunk etc, it’s more understandable. Take a week off and see how texts etc go and how you feel and if you are ok with it.

But if he’s a player keep clear, don’t let him cross your boundaries. It’s not what he did but what he’s like as a person and what it means to him. There are nice guys out there so no need to persevere if you are unhappy.

He’s saying he’s not interested in a LTR, so if you fancy a shag see him again, if your looking for a relationship then it’s not with him

The issue is different expectations.

The OP wants to be exclusive from the word 'go'. She expects the men to want the same.

Neither is wrong. It's just they want different things.

He has now told her , Look Rachel, I really like you, but I'm not sure yet that you are The One, so in the meantime I'm seeing other women.'

Rachel's within her rights to say, Oh I don't do that sort of dating.'

no.thank him for his honesty and drop like a hot potato

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Just move on. It doesn't suit you. I have a teenage DD daughter, she doesn't buy into all this 'casual' and he was 'just clumsy but honest'. And 'this is how it is now in dating'.

yeah, that's really teenage stuff. All black and white. :)

@rachelsunshine

I felt a bit eugh I feel like to him I'm not special enough to just not have sex with a random. The fact he has told me he likes me ...well he didn't like me last night much did he. After many shit Ex's I'm not settling for shit this time. I'm nobody's second /fifth choice

Good for you OP. If this turns you off then stop seeing him and be pleased with yourself for ending it sooner than later. He sounds like a flake tbh.

@rachelsunshine

I felt a bit eugh I feel like to him I'm not special enough to just not have sex with a random. The fact he has told me he likes me ...well he didn't like me last night much did he. After many shit Ex's I'm not settling for shit this time. I'm nobody's second /fifth choice

I think you are right. Instinct is telling you that this isn't important enough to him. You weren't inclined to sleep with someone else while finding out more about him but he was.

I also don't like that kind of claim to 'honesty'.

The words might be honest but the action wasn't.

It also depends on who he slept with - a friend you’ll end up meeting and he’ll be hanging out with = not worth it. Another woman he’s dating. Random. Ex girlfriend?

@rachelsunshine

I felt a bit eugh I feel like to him I'm not special enough to just not have sex with a random. The fact he has told me he likes me ...well he didn't like me last night much did he. After many shit Ex's I'm not settling for shit this time. I'm nobody's second /fifth choice

This is a great attitude to have. As others have said, he hasn’t really done anything wrong but it’s a bit icky and I imagine you wouldn’t be able to not think about it. I would say thanks but no thanks, wish him well and move on. Chalk this one down to experience.

I'd be cancelling.

I wouldn't thank him for his honesty. It would have been better if he hadn't been honest

[quote JinglingHellsBells]@AllOptionsAreOnTheTable

I don't get this 'it's not exclusive so it's fine' stuff. Do people really have so little self control/such low self esteem that they have to see and maybe sleep with, several people at once?

They have had 3 dates. So you are expecting a life long commitment and a relationship after 3 dates?

And the OP has not slept with him.

It is possible to date more than one person while you are deciding who you like best. Not saying you have to have sex with them, but some responses here read as if from 100 years ago.[/quote]
He wasn't dating other people 'to decide who he liked best' though. He was shagging a random.

[quote JinglingHellsBells]@AllOptionsAreOnTheTable

I don't get this 'it's not exclusive so it's fine' stuff. Do people really have so little self control/such low self esteem that they have to see and maybe sleep with, several people at once?

They have had 3 dates. So you are expecting a life long commitment and a relationship after 3 dates?

And the OP has not slept with him.

It is possible to date more than one person while you are deciding who you like best. Not saying you have to have sex with them, but some responses here read as if from 100 years ago.[/quote]
Not to lifelong commitement, just a bit of respect. Serial monogamy is fine, but sleeping with someone else when you are already dating, regardless of whether you have slept with them or not is disrespectful and makes the person he is dating feel she isn't good enough. You must have a very low bar in your dating choices.

I'm sorry, but I don't agree with your view that "pick me" dating is fine. Surely you know after a date or two whether you are interested in someone?

I don't want to be someone's second best, even after one date.

I agree that it’s very strange to tell you especially when you aren’t in a relationship. He almost sounds boastful strangely as if he was a teenager. I wouldn’t waste any more of your time on him personally.

I wouldn't see him again

@rachelsunshine

I felt a bit eugh I feel like to him I'm not special enough to just not have sex with a random. The fact he has told me he likes me ...well he didn't like me last night much did he. After many shit Ex's I'm not settling for shit this time. I'm nobody's second /fifth choice

Damn right you're not anyone's second/fifth choice. That's the spirit!

Get him binned off.

After only three dates you don't owe each other anything so I'd say he technically hasn't done anything wrong but it wouldn't be for me. I'd cancel the next date.

I don't ask for undying devotion from the first time our eyes meet but I wouldn't feel comfortable meeting with him knowing that he'd just slept with someone else on a night out.