To not know what to do with DH at weekends?

[Sheeeeeep]

I might be being a bit UR here. Feel free to tell me so, nicely would be preferred!

This sounds a bit brutal but to be blunt DH feels a bit surplus to requirements. During the week I have a nice little routine going with DD (6 months.) We do as much as possible with baby classes and when we aren’t there we go for long walks in the pram or sling.

Then the weekend comes and it takes DH until around 10/11 to wake up, then another couple of hours faffing around deciding what we want to do and we always end up on a walk. And tbh after the last year I have really fallen out of love with walking.

And what can I do about it? I’ve tried suggesting stuff we could do but he umms and ahhs and then it is booked up!

kidney I think we’d be best not responding to one another tbh as I thought you were very wel meaning to start with but I think you’re being deliberately provocative now.

To be fair, perhaps OP'S DH is happy with a lie in, relaxed morning, followed by a walk. And, in a long term relationship, compromise is important. OP's preference isn't the only way to live

Which would be fine if OP had the funds to leave him to it and go off and do the things with dd alone, but sounds like the £7 for her to take dd to the park by herself or with a friend isn't available!

You can but it’s not the sort of wholesome family activity I’m envisioning tbf!

@Sheeeeeep

kidney because the thing I wanted to talk about isn’t and instead I’m being pushed to talk about money, which as I’ve explained I’m really not OK with (sorry, I don’t mean to be arsey but I can’t think how else to put it.)

Well you won't answer any of my questions about your relationship or values which specifically relate to your original issue, so how exactly do you expect to get any advice?

Have a good evening kidney

I totally understand. My baby boy is 5 months old. During the week I have an 'up and out by 10' routine. Whether it be for a walk, a baby group, coffee, etc. It keeps me motivated. At the weekends though it takes my partner so long to get going. We look forward to our family days, but they don't start until the afternoon which really frustrates me and like you, it often ends up in just another walk

@Sheeeeeep

kidney I think we’d be best not responding to one another tbh as I thought you were very wel meaning to start with but I think you’re being deliberately provocative now.

Yep I'm off. You crack on with starting a discussion thread then refusing to discuss anything and instead giving daft sarky answers

I'm sure you'll get exactly the help you need from that

Well, if you can't even talk about money with someone you share a bed with, then he's probably a bit perplexed as to why you're "suggesting" places to him and waiting instead of booking them. Can you not see why this is a stalemate?

@Sheeeeeep

Have a good evening kidney

Well my weekend is significantly better than yours so thanks!

keeping that’s exactly what it’s like here!

kidney you don’t have to announce your departure you know

Dh isn't very proactive when it comes to planning days out so I just book and say right we're going here in so and so weeks.It works because I'm a bit of a control freak

If I was an abused woman, that comment would have been absolutely fucking horrendous.

@BrownEyedGirl80

Dh isn't very proactive when it comes to planning days out so I just book and say right we're going here in so and so weeks.It works because I'm a bit of a control freak

OP can’t do that thought because she’s being financially abused

@Sheeeeeep

Great when you come on MN to have a whinge and get told you’re a freak of nature and doomed for all time isn’t it

But you didn’t come to have a whinge, you asked if you were being UR and also asked for advice. People are trying to address your questions/request but you don’t seem to want to hear it.

You start a thread saying you don't know what to do with your DH at weekend (literally the thread title) Posters tell you book stuff you say you don't have the money, so wrong IMO but whatever. People tell you then you need to be firm with DH and STILL you are unsure.

What exactly do you want? Do you want him to take full control over what you do in the weekends and be more decisive? Do you need more money to be able to book and go to places yourself even if he doesn't?

Sounds like you need to actually COMMUNICATE you know like couples are supposed to!

Just ask him fir some money to book stuff for HIS child .. so weird that you wouldn't ask!

@Sheeeeeep

I can assure you I’m not being financially abused and I’m not afraid of DH. I’m just not in the habit of saying fuck off to people!

But you aren't so stop being goady and dramatic

Yeah I do get that but I do think seven pages later if you (general you not you personally!) won’t accept different couples do things differently then it’s time to move on!

Well it's fine to do things however you like, personally I would be perfectly happy with a walk every weekend (as long as it includes a cafe). But you are not happy so it's clearly not fine for you. That's why you posted after all. There are literally no other solutions other than asking for money or accepting the status quo. If you want your relationship to.last you have to start communicating better. No point being annoyed that you have no money to do anything fun at the weekend but not wanting to ask for money. If you're back at work soon, then I guess the issue will resolve itself as you will have more money. Perhaps your partner has no spare cash at the moment either.

But there's a really simple solution to your problem.

You want to do stuff at the weekend, very understandably.

He is too busy to book or organise something because he's at work.

You are on mat leave and thus have loads of time to book something.

The only reason you don't is because you don't have any money.

You are in a partnership raising a child together.

Therefore he needs to give you some money so that you can do things as a family.

The fact that you won't mention money to your husband is a massive red flag and understandably lots Victoria people are worried about you

Don't you think he'd want to know though?

I get you find it awkward. But how can you make joint decisions about anything if you can't discuss finances?

People can have whatever arrangements work for them. There's no one size fits all answer. But you've got to be able to talk about things - you're married!

Oh, he’d almost certainly tell me I had to have DD for all of Sunday to earn the £14 I had demanded from his cold, tightly drawn fist.

TBH I think this was a shitty post too. There are hundreds of women on here for whom this is a reality and for whom posters have genuine concern.

@JellyTumble I just mentioned it in case she wanted to/was able to.

@Sheeeeeep

So a farm visit is £7 and obviously for two of us that’s £14. That’s not an insignificant amount to me at the moment. But tbh I am feeling really judged here.

If your family unit can afford this though, it's wrong you can't choose to do it.

People aren't judging YOU but they are trying to tell you this situation sounds a bit rubbish.

@Ellpellwood

Well, if you can't even talk about money with someone you share a bed with, then he's probably a bit perplexed as to why you're "suggesting" places to him and waiting instead of booking them. Can you not see why this is a stalemate?

It might well be that it’s stalemate.

I don’t think at any point I have said we don’t discuss money. We do.

But here is the thing. I am an ancient fugly woman who has spent the best part of quarter of a century being treated like the fugly woman she is and therefore have accepted that I am responsible for me.

So I’ve worked, done pretty OK career wise and not been used to relying on anyone for anything.

That mindset doesn’t just vanish.

Now maybe we should have a joint account I have access to but we don’t and I’m too proud to say I don’t have fourteen quid so that’s where we are at. I can say I’m not being abused (although if I was the comments here would be fucking abhorrent) and really I was just having a moan about a well meaning but rather annoying DH!

@Ellpellwood

Oh, he’d almost certainly tell me I had to have DD for all of Sunday to earn the £14 I had demanded from his cold, tightly drawn fist.

TBH I think this was a shitty post too. There are hundreds of women on here for whom this is a reality and for whom posters have genuine concern.

I’ll accept that actually and I’m sorry for it: it’s not a laughing matter and I shouldn’t have said it.