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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU by not introducing our DSs to football?

340 replies

4fingerKitKat · 29/05/2021 08:39

I have two early primary age DS. Neither DH or I have any interest in football (watching or playing), as a result football has never been any part of their lives. I discovered recently that the oldest (7) doesn’t even know the basic vocabulary of football (to score a goal etc). They are active in other ways but never kick a ball around (and don’t do other team sports other than at school).

I worry a bit that we’re depriving them of something which is almost a basic life skill, especially for boys.

YABU - yes they should at least have basic footballing skills

YANBU - just let them run and climb trees and the things they already enjoy

OP posts:
CoffeeCakey · 29/05/2021 10:18

AROUND HERE people, especially make ones, but all people pretty much, live and breathe football. maybe someone should break the cycle so they don't all have to pretend to be interested

Advic3Pl3as3 · 29/05/2021 10:18

I think kids should be given opportunities to try out as many different sports as possible even if the parents don’t have an interest in those sports. Kids can then choose their preferred ones to continue with, if any.

I’ve had a go at pretty much most sports from trampolining to football to swimming to netball to climbing to rugby to kayaking to gymnastics etc etc. There aren’t many I’ve never tried.

IgglePiggleHater · 29/05/2021 10:19

I'm encouraging my 3yo to play as much as possible. We kick a ball around in the garden and always take one to the playground with us. It's not only good exercise but it's an easy way to make friends...we usually get at least one or two other children, often older boys of 4 or 5, joining in with us. So it's good for my DC's confidence and encouraging social skills.

I am very unfit and HATE football. I hate most sports but football is top of the list. However, I remember being unfit from a very young age. I quite liked sport at school when I was little but was never any good at it as I couldn't run fast enough. And if you're not good at it right from the start, unfortunately you get written off at a young age. My parents weren't into sport at home and encouraged more academic, sedentary activities so I never had a chance. We read books, did painting and drawing and watched TV at weekends while other children were out playing sport and being active.

I don't think you need to push the football agenda, but I think sending kids to school with a decent level of fitness and stamina and basic physical skills like kicking, catching and throwing is one of the best gifts parents can give their children. It sets them up to succeed.

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:19

[sighs patiently] No. It’s a conversation opener. People asked where he was from, when he said Manchester people would always have heard of Manchester United!

Grin so people have heard of Manchester United and if DH wasn’t into football the conversation would have ended there? Confused how strange.

takingmytimeonmyride · 29/05/2021 10:21

I have 5 boys, oldest 22, youngest 13. None of them have ever been into football, playing or watching. I doubt they could tell you anymore than the basics about football. The only time they've played it has been in PE.

They've not been left out in the playground, there are plenty of other boys who don't have in interest in it, or do but don't always play/talk about it. They've made many lovely friends and can talk about many other things with people that aren't about football.

My ex (their dad) doesn't like football, my DP doesn't like football. I think I like it more than any of them (and I only watch the World Cup and Euros)

Things my boys do and talk about - Scouts, fencing (the sport rather than the wooden things in gardens), trampolining, gymnastics, tap dancing, drumming, violins, guitar, ukulele, physics, maths, tv programmes, films, music, video games, books.

They really don't need to like football to be able to have conversations with other people. In fact if all someone can talk about is football I'd say that's a pretty bad thing!

CounsellorTroi · 29/05/2021 10:21

You really are reaching now.

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:22

This explains why I’ve never had a conversation with a taxi driver or a waiter whilst abroad. I should learn the football.

JackANackAnoreeee · 29/05/2021 10:23

@MrsTophamHat you're being really OTT. If the OP lives in a some strange area where football is such a huge deal (an I've moved around alot and never found that to be the case) then her DS will naturally be exposed to it and can decidewhether he cares about it or not. If they live in a normal area where some people like football and some don't then it's not a big deal anyway.

If you really think you can't find anything to talk about with other guys than football it's probably because you're lacking social skills.

CounsellorTroi · 29/05/2021 10:23

Sorry that was a reply to UhtredRagnarson.

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:24

And how do you know that your DH could always talk to taxi drivers and waiters while he was abroad with work? Did he really feel that was noteworthy enough to tell you? “I got to talk about football today in my taxi to the airport. Was awesome.”

RockPainting · 29/05/2021 10:24

@IgglePiggleHater

That's exactly what I was trying to say, and early my experience and approach too. Thanks!

Anothermother3 · 29/05/2021 10:25

We are the same. I feel we should have done a bit more in terms of ball skills because it’s good for gross motor development but that’s the same for my DD. We spend a lot of time outside and they climb and walk a lot. As for a more in depth knowledge he has no interest and is probably better suited to other sports. We would support any interest he shows and are quite pleased that he isn’t too fussed. He has a football and sometimes does the PE type exercises (badly).

bruffin · 29/05/2021 10:26

We are not a football family although my dad used to take me to Spurs and Arsenal as a child.Very rarely watch football on tv
Ds never really that interested just to play with his friends in primary. He played with the scouts but he preferr3d swimming and kayaking

jay55 · 29/05/2021 10:26

To be utterly sexist, it is a large part of male bonding in the workplace and makes settling in to a new job that much easier. Not giving a fig about football and frequently working on all male teams I know it would be easier if I had a team and could talk about results.

They'll be absolutely fine without, but a little knowledge won't hurt and can ease things socially down the line.

Visionoffspring · 29/05/2021 10:27

The richer you are the less pressure over football there is. It is a very conform, be like everyone else, part of the pack thing.

If your boy isn’t going to set the world alight in other ways football will settle him nicely into the masses. I don’t think you have to encourage it though, they’ll find their way. There’s millions of clubs they can join, just sign them up for a few sessions if you feel the peer pressure.

RockPainting · 29/05/2021 10:28

Yes @jay55

I think some PPs underestimate how prevalent all things football are in some places! Social easing. Exactly, nothing wrong with it.

iklboo · 29/05/2021 10:29

I think have some knowedge of it is a form of "cultural capital" for them. Especially as they get older, they may find ot embarrassing to not know the rudimentals. That's not to say that they need to play themselves but a basic knowledge of the game, some of the big teams big teams and players would help.

Bollocks. DH & DS manage just fine once they say they're not into football. No embarrassment whatsoever. There are plenty of other topics of conversation. In fact, I'd be more embarrassed is football was all they could talk about. And we're far from rich.

CounsellorTroi · 29/05/2021 10:30

@UhtredRagnarson

And how do you know that your DH could always talk to taxi drivers and waiters while he was abroad with work? Did he really feel that was noteworthy enough to tell you? “I got to talk about football today in my taxi to the airport. Was awesome.”
Good grief I seem to have really upset you. I’m sorry. All I’m saying is that football can be a useful conversation opener leading to other topics. I’ve been with him on some of these occasions.
RockPainting · 29/05/2021 10:32

Anyway OP

from all of the above, I guess it depends where you live and what social circles you and your DC move in...

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:33

Yes I’m heartbroken by your comments Grin I can see this needs explained- my comments are tongue in cheek, humorous, poking gentle fun at your slightly bonkers insistence that DH could only talk to foreign taxi drivers because he knows football. There is no upset.

Nataliafalka · 29/05/2021 10:34

I think it’s probably helpful to encourage it especially at that age. My eldest lives and breathes football, playing coaching watching sharing obscure facts, collects kits etc etc and it’s a great bonding thing where it’s incredibly useful socially to be able to want to kick a ball about a bit

My younger one has no interest and to be fair. It does lead to him being a bit left out in the playground.

Rightly or wrongly it’s really central to primary school socialising so having a bit of knowledge and a passing interest does help

I would see if he does have. Bit of interest, by 7 some of them are already pretty good players and they’re often not backwards in criticising those who aren’t and leaving them out if they don’t think they’re good.

If your son is interested a few private lessons might help him to feel comfortable joining in

minisoksmakehardwork · 29/05/2021 10:36

Dh isn't a football fan even though his dad will watch every match going! Our Ds's are just fine. They've both tried football (at their request) and it wasn't for them. One did gymnastics for a bit and now both do trampoline.

There are plenty of Olympic athletes whose sport is not football so it's bolleaux that they need to know.

Let your ds's lead you in this. They can kick a ball around the park without it having to be football as such. They can watch matches on tv if they choose to.

Bearing in mind people can be very attached to their football team, I'm not sure it's always a good thing to encourage. But let your children lead you in this.

DanglingMod · 29/05/2021 10:37

I'm a teacher. Dh was a teacher. I'd say rugby, cycling, theatre, books/films and politics (including school politics, obviously!) are predominant staffroom topics of conversation. No bonding over football in any place I've ever worked. Maybe it's a sector thing?

DanglingMod · 29/05/2021 10:39

(None of our PE teachers even like football, I've just realised. Their passions are, respectively, rugby, dance, motor sports and athletics.)

Pet8 · 29/05/2021 10:39

Ds1 football crazy. Ds2 never interested. Was a skateboarder. Now goes gym/ baths regularly. Dd played and had a season ticket for local premier club with a relative when younger. However, I have watched football all my life and dc support the team that me and their dad do.
It's never hindered ds2. He knows the basics and will rejoice when our team is doing well but he couldn't name more than a few players. He's kicked a ball about but laughs at himself that he's pretty useless! His school (different schools for all 3) was a sports college. Huge emphasis on football. Has produced pro players including a recent very big name.
This was never a burden or an issue. The school encouraged other sports, music, arts. Never want pressure to conform. Most of his friends were into skateboarding and bmxing.