AIBU by not introducing our DSs to football?

[4fingerKitKat]

I have two early primary age DS. Neither DH or I have any interest in football (watching or playing), as a result football has never been any part of their lives. I discovered recently that the oldest (7) doesn’t even know the basic vocabulary of football (to score a goal etc). They are active in other ways but never kick a ball around (and don’t do other team sports other than at school).

I worry a bit that we’re depriving them of something which is almost a basic life skill, especially for boys.

YABU - yes they should at least have basic footballing skills

YANBU - just let them run and climb trees and the things they already enjoy

Isn’t there a Championship league final on this weekend? Why don’t you sit down and watch it a family? Get the popcorn out. Even you watch only the first half.

We are not a football family. In all honesty, we’re a bit snobby about football and think there are better sports/pursuits out there

We still put our kids in football training once a week in the local park from age 6

They dropped out after a year or so

But even at 16, boys just kicking a ball around is a thing. Always. It’s easier to avoid social exclusion if you can join. Even if it’s not your favourite thing

Obviously you don’t HAVE to.

But my 16yr old loves kicking a ball around in the park with his mates, even if he’s not into football culture

If they are joining in at school and not completely embarrassed then I see no issue at all. The important thing is exercise, and if they come to enjoy other sport instead, nothing wrong with that.

I don't see it as a basic life skill.

We’re not footballers either and I can tell you it does start to matter

My biggest regret is not forcing my children to go to football classes, It’s just the way they seem to bond

They cycle climb and swim but football is like a religion at their school 🙄

I will add though that we are scousers...probs matters more here than some in other areas!

My eldest son has zero interest in football. At his primary there are ‘the football boys’ and then everyone else. He has a great group of mates, many of whom also don’t give a flying fuck about it. I think my youngest will be into football as he’s already kicking the ball about the park. Each to their own.

I hate this pressure on boys to be into football. I have two boys, neither are interested in the game. For my youngest, the school playground camp was divided strongly into "football boys" and "losers". DS and the other boys who had no interest were bullied by the others as weird and "gay" because everyone knows a real boy plays football, right?

@justanotherneighinparadise

My eldest son has zero interest in football. At his primary there are ‘the football boys’ and then everyone else. He has a great group of mates, many of whom also don’t give a flying fuck about it. I think my youngest will be into football as he’s already kicking the ball about the park. Each to their own.

Sounds like our experience isn't unique, @justanotherneighinparadise!!! In my experience it gets better when they get to senior school as there's less playing at break, more standing around in groups.

We have zero zero interest.

However we are bringing the kids to football training this very morning as a taster to see if they like it. I have a DS and a DD.

DD is a good kicker but DS is dyspraxic so I have limited expectations there!

But we live in rural Ireland and football (Gaelic football I'm talking about but it's academic for this question) is literally the only thing that teenagers do around here. And they do it at amateur level into adulthood and the GAA clubs are HUUUUUUGE and well funded. And they do other excercise and sports classes and community initiatives etc.

People form wide friendships and its basically more of a social club than anything.

So I'm introducing it for 2 reasons a) normalising structured excercise outside of school as something FUN and b) making friends that may become lifelong.

I don't know if it'll stick but I hope it will - and last Saturday there were 150 kids at my local club as young as 2, so clearly everyone else is hoping the same!

9yo DS couldn't care less about football. Some of the boys are obsessed with it and spend all break and lunch playing football but DS and his 3 best friends play superheroes or pirates or spy games or they play stuck in the mud or it or British bulldog and they sit and talk and make daisy chains and practise hand stands and cartwheels and on and on and on.

He's active outside of school. Does gymnastics, rides his bike, goes swimming with us, hikes, chucks a rugby ball round etc.
Football is NOT a life skill.

Playing or knowing football isn’t a basic life skill! He’s fine, he will be fine! If he was interested in playing football he would already be playing it in school with his friends or in the garden. Football pervades every corner of the area where we live. It’s bred into the kids here. My eldest son was never interested and has had no trouble making friends. Amazingly, there are other kids like him who don’t like football either!

My two boys have never, ever played football in their life unless it's pe. Neither of them have suffered for it. And we live in a city with one of the best clubs in the country! 90% of school boys here dream of being "found" and play on kids teams.

As they get older going to the park for a kick about is very common. If you can’t take part then there’s a chance of getting left out. My son wasn’t all that interested but did take part so he fitted in.

I don't think it's necessary to encourage football at all if they and you are not bothered.

Ds had a lovely group of boy and girl friends all the way through primary who played star wars and superheroes and tag and just talked or played on the play equipment. At secondary, I don't think a single person played football; it was much more music, cricket, badminton or going to other clubs like chess, art, debate (independent school, though).

You definitely wouldn't be asking this if your boys were girls.

It is socially useful as well as great exercise. A group of friends and I (both sexes) were talking about this last week, when men meet each other so often its the first thing that gets mentioned "see the game last night?". It has been hugely beneficial socially for my teen DS who has autism to have a subject he can talk easily with other boys and men about, he still loves kicking a ball about with his friends and plays for two teams.

Even if you aren't interested its useful socially to at least be aware of major games etc, I do the same for rugby which I couldn't give two hoots about (I'm a football fan myself) simply because I know a lot of friends like it.

If they want to get into football they will,it's everywhere.
I do think some people bend over backwards to keep their DC away from football,for some sort of snobbery.

DS1 has never been into football, he's 17 and the only time it was an issue was in PE early on in high school when the incredibly old fashioned PE teacher seemed to think not enjoying football meant DS didn't enjoy sport at all so overlooked him for everything.
DH is a massive football fan but hasn't forced any of the kids into it. DS3 has recently become obsessed with it but it's come from him not DH.
DD and DS2 love going to matches with DH but not playing themselves.
We've tried let them all develop their own interests, I wouldn't force them into anything.

Careful, OP. This was me. Then I suddenly found myself a qualified FA coach and managing a youth team!

I never introduced mine to football either. They introduced themselves by joining in at lunch time, and now go to an after school club as they enjoy it.
Nothing wrong with letting kids navigate their own way and make their own decisions.

I think you should encourage them try it, along with a variety of other activities. How will they work out what their passion may be without the opportunity to try?

We aren't into football at all in our family, neither are grandparents. However we always have a football for ds6 to kick around and chase after, and have done since a baby. He's actually quite good at it, but that has been gained simply by playing with his friends at school, rather than our passing the ball between us. I'm not rushing out to sign him up for Sunday football as I personally can't think of anything worse, but if he comes to us at some point and says he wants to try it , we will.

I don't think you are at fault here at all, some kids naturally take an interest with little encouragement, others just don't want to do it.

Plenty other sports than football kids can get interested in, just everyone seems to focus on football or rugby, yet there's hockey, basketball,tennis etc

The goal thing is a bit strange, he must have surely heard it called a goal in PE.
Is he just getting confused with other sports like basketball/netball/tennis where they call it points?

My Ds has managed to get through school without having any interest in football. He has a good group of friends, is sociable, recognises and reacts appropriately to social group cues and is considerate and empathetic to others in a group. Football is not the only way to achieve fitness, social inclusion and become a team player.

If your DS doesn't like football so be it. It is great for some and is a living torture for others.

Football is a basic life skill? Way too much importance is placed on football/footballers, the hype over certain games is ridiculous. Let your children like what they like, if they have no interest in football then there's no need to push it. They'll be fine.

They will pick it up quick enough at school if they care

There are many many families where no one gives a shit about football. The kids are fine

DS2 was quite good at it at junior school in lessons. The head wanted him to stay behind 2 days a week to train and be in the team.

DS2 didn't want to. He had other interests like drama and a chess club (county player) but the pressure was intense until I stepped in and told them to lay off.

Lol at needing to have seen the match last night to be able to talk to other men! 😂