AIBU by not introducing our DSs to football?

[4fingerKitKat]

I have two early primary age DS. Neither DH or I have any interest in football (watching or playing), as a result football has never been any part of their lives. I discovered recently that the oldest (7) doesn’t even know the basic vocabulary of football (to score a goal etc). They are active in other ways but never kick a ball around (and don’t do other team sports other than at school).

I worry a bit that we’re depriving them of something which is almost a basic life skill, especially for boys.

YABU - yes they should at least have basic footballing skills

YANBU - just let them run and climb trees and the things they already enjoy

I have a 16 and an 18 year old sons. Neither showed any interest in football at all. We don’t watch it on TV at all. I was always worried about the social aspect but in reality there are loads of boys that are not interested in football. There is always the opportunity to play at lunchtime at school so your son might choose to play then. I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m quite pleased really - nothing worse than a grown man shouting at the TV over a football game.

Wouldn't worry about it. If they aren't interested in it then no need to force any sort of interest. Would you make them watch cricket, or any other sport just in case?

DH and I have absolutely zero interest in football so it's not a thing in our house but we watch rugby on occasion.

They'll pick up bits at school or wherever if they want. If they do other forms of exercise/sport in a social setting then they won't be missing out just cos they don't know about one specific sport.

My DH and his brothers don't care about football at all (his sister follows it a bit though). DH has plenty of friends and they go out for food or drinks, watch bands, go hiking, watch films, drink coffee, take the children out, cycle, go for a run and on and on. We rarely talk about, think about or encounter football. It is not obligatory.

I've just asked DH if anybody ever asks him if he "watched the game last night?" and he said the occasional taxi driver but no, not really. He says he manages to navigate all sorts of social situations where people talk about stuff he doesn't care about like Eastenders and cats and cars and so on.

Swimming is a life skill. Football? Not so much.

Neither my sons nor my daughter were remotely interested. They do it in PE at both primary and secondary, so know the basics. As long as kids are active it really doesn’t matter which sport they prefer. It certainly doesn’t hamper them socially - they find other shared interests.

Don’t worry, OP. You aren’t raising a pariah, there’s a world of interests aside from football.

My eldest lives and breathes football, youngest does not enjoy it. Life is much easier for the one who’s into it than the one who isn’t. Most playtimes are spent playing football and if you’re not deemed good enough it will be pointed out to everyone. There’s been many tears about it in our house. I’m encouraging DS3 to play too, purely for these reasons. Don’t care if he goes to coaching or anything, but to be able to hold your own in the playground is a good life skill and avoids making you an easy target. (In our school anyway!)

My 12 year old DN is football mad. Supports Manchester City passionately. My DB was never interested in football as a child, but has got into it, and now feels he missed out on something as a child!

@UhtredRagnarson

Lol at needing to have seen the match last night to be able to talk to other men! 😂

It's like that episode of The IT Crowd!

If they want to play, great, of not, great. But those of you who think you'd have no interest even with your children playing, are quite wrong... I don't mean you'd become football fanatics but you'd naturally be interested in how your children were doing.

I sometimes feel like this about my DS. I am not into football and neither is my DH. DS is almost 6 and we live overseas in a country where all the kids are obsessed with handball rather than football! We're coming back to the UK soon and he will join a state primary. I'm hoping if football is a thing and he wants to join in then he will do so in the playground. And he'll let me know if he wants to join a club or something but it's not going to be my idea!! My DD does club swimming - I would prefer if he did that tbh (showing signs of strong swimming too!) as I've got used to being a swim mum!

If they're not interested then you can't force them - it's not compulsory.

I have to say though, an interest in footie/a kickaround is a very useful skill, worldwide. Thinking back to our trips abroad my boys from a young age would join in with a kickaround with local kids, and sitting in cafes etc in out of the way places there would often be a Premier League match on that we could all follow and join in the convo!

They also like cricket and rugby but that's confined to certain parts of the world whereas football really is universal.

My 16 year old DS only became interested at secondary school because running around playing cops and robbers was no longer socially acceptable! He wanted to run about and football was a way to do that- I’m not sure he even touched the ball. 😀
He’s a swimmer and plays cricket so plays those as proper sports and kicks a ball around with other mates (and played at school in PE). He loves watching his beloved team and is a season ticket holder with his dad.

At school the ones who didn't like football were left out and friendships seemed harder to form.

Eldest DS enjoys going to training and playing but isn't obsessed and probably won't be the best player ever but it's great exercise and good for his confidence. He's only 6 but football is already a massive part of the culture and informs quite a lot of choices in this city. He goes to a school where the vast majority of kids (prob 80%) support the opposite team to him so it's also quite good for him to realise you can be friends and still have your own opinion as sometimes he's too easily swayed by others (not on this though!)

coffeecakey if you're a woman, then it probably doesn't come up as much, but for men it can up up there with the weather in terms of small talk/icebreaker stuff.

I also think that in terms of having a knowledge of British culture, assuming you live here, that not knowing who Manchester United are is up there with claiming to never have heard of Shakespeare. Likewise having a basic awareness of things outside your immediate sphere of interests is surely a social skill?

I regret not forcing my DS to go to summer camps earlier. Socially it has been a problem for him in school - he won’t play because he thinks he’s no good and that limits his friendships. His social circle in school widened when no one could play soccer during lockdown. Now he’s going to training and he loves it (the team he is younger than the his schoolmates due to his birthdate - were not in uk) but I really hope he gets enough confidence to play in school as it would really help him socially. He said during the week he was pretty much alone during break as the others were all playing football 🙁

I have two teenaged sons - one a decent athlete, the other very sporty - aiming to be a professional sportsman. Neither have, nor ever have had, any interest in football. They haven’t been left out or somehow social pariahs. Other pastimes do exist!

I personally regret not ensuring DS had more of a grounding with football, we're playing catch up now age 7. I think it's a great social thing and it does boys a favour that they at least have the option to play, and to spend time with other boys (especially after a year of missing out on clubs due to covid).

There doesn't need to be pressure but it's a useful skill to have even up to just a basic level in my view.

Eldest DS is, realistically, unlikely to be troubling the school football teams. He’s not very co-ordinated (was assessed for dyspraxia, though think he’s just slow to develop some of his motor skills). He’s often found playing make-believe games with the girls and just doesn’t have that competitive spirit.

I do worry though about him being bullied in the future though, and as someone else said I worry about football being “cultural capital” that he doesn’t have.

coffeecakey I also don't need to be told to let my son be himself, thanks.

He's three years old, he's interested in all sorts of things. But that's not to say that I won't take him to experience museums, theatre, outdoor places, various sports events etc as he gets older. I'd suggest that he might not find what he loves unless he is exposed to a broad range of cultural experiences.

So please do not assume that I am somehow railroading him into being a huge football fan

@CHISistoast

If they want to play, great, of not, great. But those of you who think you'd have no interest even with your children playing, are quite wrong... I don't mean you'd become football fanatics but you'd naturally be interested in how your children were doing.

My experience exactly. Me and DP never been to a game in our lives. DSs suddenly found an interest in football and joined teams. Utterly lovely experience and mostly all positive (apart from over invested parents). Loved watching them. They since quit and I am not sorry (it's quite a big commitment) but I do miss it a little and if they want to start again, I would support that.

If they are interested in it they will ask to play it. I wouldn't worry about it if there mates play it they will pick up the basics from them. I had no idea my son was into foot he never spoke about it at home then one day in year 5 the sports teacher came out of school to tell me how good he is and can he join the school football team I was gobsmacked hes 13 and now plays for 2 teams an school.

DH and I hate football, but felt it was important for our children to have a hobby, some exercise, good way to meet people. Football was the most accessible way of doing those things, it was pretty much the only club available in our last village. DS loves it, it gives him confidence, exercise, team work, a great way of making friends when we moved house. DH and I still don't like football but enjoy watching DS play. So I wouldn't actively avoid it just because you don't like it, that said there's lots of other types of hobbies. DS2 has no interest so we tried something else with him.

I'm viewing it a bit like learning to ride a bike. I'm taking an active interest in getting DS confident on the bike. Then I will back off. Same with footie, once he reaches a certain level of confidence I'm not going to worry anymore but I want him to have a basic ability

Football may bore you and you have no interest in it but it's different when your child plays. My DD has been playing for 12 years and I admit I still don't know all the rules but enjoy watching her and her team in their wins and defeats.

But, if they are not interested then don't worry about it. My DD's danced and I put off for a couple of years starting my youngest at football as I didn't want another 'thing ' to be doing but she did both for a while and we realised she was better at football 😃 I do have a friend who's boys have never kicked a football even in PE.

Let them find their own niche.

I think team sports are great for children.
As the years go by they make great friends and feel a part of something.

Soccer/rugby are topics that boys talk about together.

It is a PITA doing the training and matches at the weekend but it is what parents do for their children's wellbeing.

DH & I don't like football. DS doesn't like it either. It's hilarious when (usually older) blokes ask him 'are you a blue or a red' and he says nether. They have no idea what to talk about after that.

He's never been left out at school because there are other kids who don't like it either. It's not the be all & end all it's made out to be.