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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU by not introducing our DSs to football?

340 replies

4fingerKitKat · 29/05/2021 08:39

I have two early primary age DS. Neither DH or I have any interest in football (watching or playing), as a result football has never been any part of their lives. I discovered recently that the oldest (7) doesn’t even know the basic vocabulary of football (to score a goal etc). They are active in other ways but never kick a ball around (and don’t do other team sports other than at school).

I worry a bit that we’re depriving them of something which is almost a basic life skill, especially for boys.

YABU - yes they should at least have basic footballing skills

YANBU - just let them run and climb trees and the things they already enjoy

OP posts:
CounsellorTroi · 29/05/2021 10:40

I can see this needs explained- my comments are tongue in cheek, humorous, poking gentle fun at your slightly bonkers insistence that DH could only talk to foreign taxi drivers because he knows football.

Except I never actually said that. I’ll bow out now, life’s too short.

Nataliafalka · 29/05/2021 10:40

@CounsellorTroi I agree with you. When my partner met my BIL they easily chatted about .......football, and to those implying it’s only those in certain circles (ie less wealthy ones) care that’s not true. Whether you want to recognise it is what often a good leveller

IgglePiggleHater · 29/05/2021 10:42

What this thread has made clear is that some of us live for the world as it should be while some of us live in the world as it is.

Yes, we should all appreciate each other as individuals. And none of us should have to change who we are to be accepted.

Meanwhile, back on planet earth, that's not really any comfort to the unfit, unpopular child who is picked last for team games in a school where football skill is everything... Some children may not care. But until they are old enough to make that choice for themselves, we owe it to them to take the time to work on their basic fitness skills so they can keep up with their peers.

I wish my parents had been realists...it would have made my life so much easier than being told "It's what's inside that counts. You don't need to change because anyone who matters will appreciate you as you are."

Zzelda · 29/05/2021 10:43

Absolute nonsense that children may get left out if they don't like football. Neither of my sons do, and they have plenty of good friends.

DanglingMod · 29/05/2021 10:44

Yes, Natalia, and if neither of them liked football, like millions of people, they'd have talked about something else - the economy, cars, fashion, bands. Just because some people bond over football, doesn't mean everyone has to!

RockPainting · 29/05/2021 10:44

Sending you love @IgglePiggleHater! I think we may have had very similar childhoods.

MargaretThursday · 29/05/2021 10:45

Neither me nor dh is into football and nor was anyone in the family. However ds loves it. If your ds was interested in football he'd have picked up the terms and shown you by now.

However I do think football is wonderful in that people, generally boys, join together. Someone takes a football down to the park round here and you can easily end up with a dozen or more joining in of all ages from tiny to adult, whether they know each other or not.
The toddler watching on the side with mummy standing enviously will have the ball kicked gently to them and cheers when they try to kick back, and the older ones will often try and instruct the younger ones.
There isn't really anything else like it.

So I would try and make sure he knows enough to join in and not stand out if he wants to.

Sometimeswinning · 29/05/2021 10:48

As it happens, regardless of what people think is outdated, football is a huge deal in my sons friendship group. At school his friend was always left out because he had no interest. He has now started taking part as it's either play by himself or join in. But if that environment isnt at your sons school and they have got this far not caring then I wouldnt worry.

OhRene · 29/05/2021 10:48

DH and I also don't like football. We never introduced our kids to it.

DS still plays in the park with his mates and has done from about 5 or 6. They do it at lunch time in school too. It's a good balance. We don't have to do anything and DS is actually quite good at it.

Your children will not get left out or left behind. They will learn when playing out. It's not a big issue at all.

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:49

When my partner met my BIL they easily chatted about .......football

Do either of them ever speak to other people who don’t like football? How do they cope?

DietrichandDiMaggio · 29/05/2021 10:49

I don't think it's unusual not to have watched or talked about football if you're not interested, but I think most people do play 'football' with their toddlers, as in just kicking a ball about.

MrsTophamHat · 29/05/2021 10:50

[quote JackANackAnoreeee]@MrsTophamHat you're being really OTT. If the OP lives in a some strange area where football is such a huge deal (an I've moved around alot and never found that to be the case) then her DS will naturally be exposed to it and can decidewhether he cares about it or not. If they live in a normal area where some people like football and some don't then it's not a big deal anyway.

If you really think you can't find anything to talk about with other guys than football it's probably because you're lacking social skills.[/quote]
You are missing my point that people should have a broad knowledge. That directly contradicts your assertion that I think that men only talk about football.

I align these attitudes that it's OK to simply wholly ignore things that you are not personally interested in with attitudes about not learning languages, trying new foods, reading a range of genres etc.

It's helpful, and in my view admirable to know a bit of stuff about a lot of stuff, as well as having your own personal passions.

bruffin · 29/05/2021 10:54

Dh copes without talking about football, but hes into F1

Nataliafalka · 29/05/2021 10:54

@UhtredRagnarson of course they do and both of them have loads of interests and are not football focused but it’s disingenuous to disregard the role that knowledge of football plays in this country. Of course it’s not the be all and end all but it’s often a good universal chat topic.

Pottedpalm · 29/05/2021 10:56

@DanglingMod

(None of our PE teachers even like football, I've just realised. Their passions are, respectively, rugby, dance, motor sports and athletics.)
Absolutely! In my school there would be ribbing around the time of the Six Nations, especially if Wales lost, as we have several Welsh rugby coaches, and people would express an interest in anyone running a marathon or competing in a big final for their sport. Football? Nah! This is in a school of close to 1000 pupils. Groups of kids would play at lunchtime but they were in the minority I would say.
IgglePiggleHater · 29/05/2021 10:56

@RockPainting. Yes, I'm sensing that. As a child, I pretended to my parents that I didn't care about a lot of things that actually mattered to me quite a lot... coming last in the cross-country, never making any sports teams, having terrible hand-eye coordination. It was easier just to pretend snobbily that academics were more important. Actually, I'd have quite liked to, if not win the 100 metres, at least not come last.

Maybe I'm overreacting to my own experiences, but my DC will be doing swimming lessons as soon as they restart, will be signed up for football club next year and will be doing their first kids park run with my DH as soon as they turn 4.

LindaEllen · 29/05/2021 10:58

They'll pick up enough from school to decide whether they want to try it or not. Footballs/sport in general isn't for everyone - and if you know you and DH don't like it, it seems a bit silly to force it just for the sake of things.

Our family were always more focussed on musical achievement and my brother and I grew up having lessons on several instruments. We absolutely love it, and play with bands and orchestras to this day. Everyone has different hobbies. Let your son lead the way, I'm sure he'll tell you if there's anything he wants to try!

TimeForTeaAndG · 29/05/2021 10:59

I think part of the problem is that with most other sports, the people involved/fans etc don't expect everyone they meet to have knowledge of it.

Talking to football fans, in my experience, you're always left feeling like an idiot or the conversation dies because "oh my god,you don't know who this random player is?!" "What do you mean you've never watched a game?!" and they don't know what else to talk about.

Dora33 · 29/05/2021 11:02

As your children are quite young still, I would concentrate more on them trying out some different team sports or group activities outside school. It doesnt have to be football but it gives the children a chance to build up friendship through common interests.
My own children have gained confidence & well as enjoyment & fitness in team sports & activities such as cubs. The sports they have stayed doing are not the Sports my family would have been involved in.

JackANackAnoreeee · 29/05/2021 11:04

@MrsTophamHat

He'll pick up the basics of football at school or if you're that worried watch a 10 minute youtube video explaining. That's all he needs to know. If he comes to love it then of course it can be encouraged but the idea he needs to know more than the very basics of football anymore than he needs to know about impressionism, cubism, modern dance etc is just silly.

misspattylacosta · 29/05/2021 11:04

I have 0 interest in football. Still fail to understand how a 7 year old doesn't even know about "scoring a goal" which is part of everyday vocabulary.

It's also weird if they don't even have a ball to play with .If they choose not to touch it, fine, but they need a choice.

I think kids should be given a chance to try as many sports as possible and decide which ones they like.

You don't have to speak about football at home for kids to pick it up, but there are countless references in books, on tv programs, so it's weird to know nothing at all about it.

iklboo · 29/05/2021 11:05

Meanwhile, back on planet earth, that's not really any comfort to the unfit, unpopular child who is picked last for team games in a school where football skill is everything...

I understand your past may have an impact on how you feel but DS is not unfit, unpopular or picked last for games because he doesn't like football. There are plenty of other sports & activities to keep fit.

Talking to football fans, in my experience, you're always left feeling like an idiot or the conversation dies because "oh my god,you don't know who this random player is?!" "What do you mean you've never watched a game?!" and they don't know what else to talk about.

Then it's them who are socially lacking.

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 11:06

[quote Nataliafalka]@UhtredRagnarson of course they do and both of them have loads of interests and are not football focused but it’s disingenuous to disregard the role that knowledge of football plays in this country. Of course it’s not the be all and end all but it’s often a good universal chat topic.[/quote]
Right so if your partner had met your BIL and BIL had no interest in football they’d still have been able to easily chat, right? So football isn’t really something anyone needs to have any knowledge of. Because there are loads of other things lots of people have a bit of knowledge of and can hold a conversation about. I have a cousin who has autism and has very intense interest in 3 specific things which she loves to talk about all the time. (None of which are football) she can still hold conversations with other people. Football really isn’t an important thing to know about. My whole family goes about our lives without ever needing mention football in order to start or maintain a conversation with anyone.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 29/05/2021 11:09

DS is not interested in football, he likes a kick around with me in the garden but he wouldn't want to play in a proper team game. He has friends at school who aren't interested either, he plays with them.

MrsTophamHat · 29/05/2021 11:10

[quote JackANackAnoreeee]@MrsTophamHat

He'll pick up the basics of football at school or if you're that worried watch a 10 minute youtube video explaining. That's all he needs to know. If he comes to love it then of course it can be encouraged but the idea he needs to know more than the very basics of football anymore than he needs to know about impressionism, cubism, modern dance etc is just silly.[/quote]
And the very basics of football is what this thread is about so on that we are in agreement.

The OP said her almost junior school aged son did not know any teams or players, and did not know simple terminology like "score a goal".

Another poster told me that as an adult woman, she (supposedly) could not name a football team either.

I would consider that to be a basic gap in general knowledge and awareness of the world.