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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU by not introducing our DSs to football?

340 replies

4fingerKitKat · 29/05/2021 08:39

I have two early primary age DS. Neither DH or I have any interest in football (watching or playing), as a result football has never been any part of their lives. I discovered recently that the oldest (7) doesn’t even know the basic vocabulary of football (to score a goal etc). They are active in other ways but never kick a ball around (and don’t do other team sports other than at school).

I worry a bit that we’re depriving them of something which is almost a basic life skill, especially for boys.

YABU - yes they should at least have basic footballing skills

YANBU - just let them run and climb trees and the things they already enjoy

OP posts:
Oblomov21 · 29/05/2021 09:58

Lots of boys have no interest in any sport. This is fine.

Both of mine have been heavily involved in football.

I find it good for bonding and they can play it, join in with any group of boys playing it anywhere.

No harm in teaching him basics. Shouldn't we all know basics? Re everything in life? Cricket, music, who Monet is?

Meowchickameowmeow · 29/05/2021 09:58

@UhtredRagnarson

Lol at needing to have seen the match last night to be able to talk to other men! 😂
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

I know a lot of men with no interest in football, they're fully functioning members of society with plenty to talk about.
Do women only have one collective topic of conversation?

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 09:59

This has reminded me of a scene I saw In the corner shop a week or so ago. Man queuing to pay, a few people behind him, shop staff guy snakes through the queue to approach this guy he obviously knows and says something about some footballer and waits for the man to agree. Man is clearly not interested and mumbles a “aye, yeah. You still living over the road?” Shop staff ignores the question and goes off on a mini rant about “defence was never their strong point, let’s them down every time. They need to nail that defence.” Customer gets called to the till as next in line and he’s says his goodbyes and shop guy goes back to work. And all I could think was “Christ, learn some new topics of conversation mate!” Grin

Stompythedinosaur · 29/05/2021 09:59

My dc are not into football, but I think understanding the concept of scoring a goal is fairly basic info, and being able to kick a ball means they have the option to join in at school if they want to.

RockPainting · 29/05/2021 10:00

YY to it being social capital.

People live and breathe football around here.

We took both our DS and DD to football coaching early on as neither of us play.

DD wanted to do dance instead, fine.

DS has persevered, yes he's not a great talent, but the ability and confidence to join in with a kick about round here is hugely important.

If you wait until they can make an active choice, the kids who are playing all the time are usually streets ahead of them.

Better to acquire those skills early and make a decision to continue or not later on.

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:01

Do women only have one collective topic of conversation?

We must do. Is it “where do you get your nails done?”

RaspberryCoulis · 29/05/2021 10:04

Conform conform conform. Boys must like football and be able to talk about it to fit in. If they don't, they need to fake that they like football to be accepted. Proper boys play football, talk about football, live and breathe their team.

What a lot of sexist bollocks. Imagine if anyone was saying the same about dancing, that every girl had to go to classes, be interested in Strictly, be able to talk about it wear the gear to fit in. That would rightly be called out as ridiculous and the poster would be told that girls are free to spend their time as they wish.

And we wonder why so many kids are having issues when they don't fit stereotypes idea of "boy" and "girl"? Hmm

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:05

@RaspberryCoulis

Conform conform conform. Boys must like football and be able to talk about it to fit in. If they don't, they need to fake that they like football to be accepted. Proper boys play football, talk about football, live and breathe their team.

What a lot of sexist bollocks. Imagine if anyone was saying the same about dancing, that every girl had to go to classes, be interested in Strictly, be able to talk about it wear the gear to fit in. That would rightly be called out as ridiculous and the poster would be told that girls are free to spend their time as they wish.

And we wonder why so many kids are having issues when they don't fit stereotypes idea of "boy" and "girl"? Hmm

Yep
Rewis · 29/05/2021 10:06

I don't think there is a need. He will pick it up when he needs to. He will have a kick around when he wants to. I don't think football is anymore special that basketball or cricket etc.

I'm a footballer (play and coach). My bf claims to be a footballer (though i have never seen him kick a ball in our 9 years together) so football is important to us. But I don't think it's more important than other sports. I enjoy sports so I would take my kids to see different sport games to give him an idea. If they are not into it, it's fine. Bun on balance, I'm not into art and therefore won't be taking my kids to art museum unless they ask.

Pottedpalm · 29/05/2021 10:07

@RockPainting

YY to it being social capital.

People live and breathe football around here.

We took both our DS and DD to football coaching early on as neither of us play.

DD wanted to do dance instead, fine.

DS has persevered, yes he's not a great talent, but the ability and confidence to join in with a kick about round here is hugely important.

If you wait until they can make an active choice, the kids who are playing all the time are usually streets ahead of them.

Better to acquire those skills early and make a decision to continue or not later on.

Streets ahead at football?? Who cares? There are many many other team sports, or maybe the OP’s DS might not like sport much at all? My DS was never interested in football and it was never really a thing at his schools. More rugby, which he likes to watch, but never enjoyed. He swims, surfboards, loves walking and trekking type trips ( last one was to the ‘Stans) and is very fit and active. I wouldn’t say he had suffered through not being interested in kicking a ball.
HmmmmmmInteresting · 29/05/2021 10:08

If you wait until they can make an active choice, the kids who are playing all the time are usually streets ahead of them.

Absolutely this

DanglingMod · 29/05/2021 10:08

@RockPainting

YY to it being social capital.

People live and breathe football around here.

We took both our DS and DD to football coaching early on as neither of us play.

DD wanted to do dance instead, fine.

DS has persevered, yes he's not a great talent, but the ability and confidence to join in with a kick about round here is hugely important.

If you wait until they can make an active choice, the kids who are playing all the time are usually streets ahead of them.

Better to acquire those skills early and make a decision to continue or not later on.

But why football? Same could be said of archery, cello, basketball, painting, chess, scuba diving, ballet, golf, cricket...all of which you'll be better at if you get lots of practice in. Why is football something everyone should start and then drop out of if they don't find it fun?

And as to men needing to talk about football? Never heard such rubbish. Neither dh nor a single one of his friends are interested.

CounsellorTroi · 29/05/2021 10:10

DH likes football (I’m a rugby girl myself). He used to have to travel abroad on business a lot and found he could always chat to taxi drivers, waiters etc about football.

CoffeeCakey · 29/05/2021 10:10

@RaspberryCoulis

Conform conform conform. Boys must like football and be able to talk about it to fit in. If they don't, they need to fake that they like football to be accepted. Proper boys play football, talk about football, live and breathe their team.

What a lot of sexist bollocks. Imagine if anyone was saying the same about dancing, that every girl had to go to classes, be interested in Strictly, be able to talk about it wear the gear to fit in. That would rightly be called out as ridiculous and the poster would be told that girls are free to spend their time as they wish.

And we wonder why so many kids are having issues when they don't fit stereotypes idea of "boy" and "girl"? Hmm

Yup it's horrendous. Man = must be able to talk about football
purplemunkey · 29/05/2021 10:11

Sorry, I think this is nonsense. They'll get involved with football in the school playground if they want to, you don't need to do anything.

I have two brothers, neither have ever been into football or played as kids. I can't think of how this held them back in any way whatsoever.

We shouldn't force any interests on our kids, especially not just because we think they should to 'fit in' with other children of the same sex. Let them figure out what they like themselves.

Summertime21 · 29/05/2021 10:12

Ds is now 20, he has never had a kick around with friends as far as I know. They all hated football in his group and only ever played in PE. Ds 15 has had some sort of ball attached to him from as soon as he could walk, both have found their own interests and neither based on what dh or I like

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:12

He used to have to travel abroad on business a lot and found he could always chat to taxi drivers, waiters etc about football.

So if he wants Into football he would just remain silent? He really couldn’t think of anything else to talk about with people abroad?

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:12

*wasnt

JackANackAnoreeee · 29/05/2021 10:13

We never talk about football at home either but surely they pick up the basics at school anyway. DS isn't a big sports fan but will have a kick about if his friends are and has picked up the basics. Most kids pick it up from each other rather than at home anyway.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/05/2021 10:15

If they've no interest it and otherwise active it is fine.

RockPainting · 29/05/2021 10:16

I think some of you are missing the point.

AROUND HERE people, especially make ones, but all people pretty much, live and breathe football.

If you can't join in physically as a kid (especially boys) you are literally physically sidelined. I think archery and cello are really base competitors... The barriers to entry to kicking a ball around are super low.

No one died from not being able or wanting to kick a ball around.

But around here its social glue.

I want my kid to be able to opt in or out of that. But if you leave it too late, they won't have the skills or confidence to opt in even if they want to.

We clearly live in very different areas!

Sometimes confirming is ok Grin

UhtredRagnarson · 29/05/2021 10:16

The popularity of football amongst boys/men is like the popularity of drugs in my teens- “everyone is doing it” when in reality neither me or any of my friends were and as an adult when I speak to current friends, they weren’t either. Many many boys and men have no interest in football just like they have no interest in ballet. The fact that football gets so much press and funding makes it seem like it’s much more popular than it is.

CounsellorTroi · 29/05/2021 10:16

@UhtredRagnarson

He used to have to travel abroad on business a lot and found he could always chat to taxi drivers, waiters etc about football.

So if he wants Into football he would just remain silent? He really couldn’t think of anything else to talk about with people abroad?

[sighs patiently] No. It’s a conversation opener. People asked where he was from, when he said Manchester people would always have heard of Manchester United!
RockPainting · 29/05/2021 10:17

Typos sorry 😩

MrsTophamHat · 29/05/2021 10:18

danglingmod ah well as long as PPs son becomes friends with your husband and his friends then that's OK. Just because it's not your experience means it's not a thing?

You are being obtuse if you think that someone is just as likely to be asked about their opinion on last night's chess tournament than the FA Cup Final.

Nobody is saying that boys must live and breathe it. They can be interested in whatever they want. That's not to say they shouldn't have an awareness and be exposed to core elements of their culture.