To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

Message her saying

"Oh wow you are such a good friend. Thank you so much. It is fine as I am losing weight really quickly now, so I will be really happy wearing your chosen bridesmaid dress, and if I put on weight last minute I will simply let it out, no worries at all. Thanks so much, hun, I am so happy to be on your Team Bride now - I will send messages to the others on the team to let them know. So excited, yay!!"

My mother got pregnant before her friends wedding they had to let the dress out at each and every fitting they jokingly told her to not give birth or overeat before the wedding (yes she was joking) as they literally had no more time for alterations she wedged herself into it and kept her legs crossed on the day

True friends work with you if they really want you there

She's a cow.

She should have her heart set on whatever wedding dress she wants, why the fuss over a particular bridesmaid dress?!

You don't need someone like her, so self absorbed in one day that she doesn't mind trampling over someone's feelings like that.

I picked a multi-way bridesmaid dress that came in two sizes, and had many options including strapless, halter, one shoulder, shoulders covered, whatever they wanted. All the same dress in the same colour but worn however they wanted. All that mattered to me was that they were comfortable and I had my closest as my bridesmaids.

My best friend picked the dresses she liked the least because it was the only one that my fat ass didn’t look ridiculous in and I will always love her for it ❤️

Could say something like "can't wait to see the dresses that are more important than x years of friendship"

I’m so sorry OP she is not a friend at all. I wouldn’t even go to the wedding if I was you .

I would send a frenemy message like "your team bride look great, I'm surprised you're not worried about all those model-types stealing the show!"

She's being a bitch, admitting it and also packaging it as if she's doing you a favour. Wow. She's a next level bitch. Next level.

I couldn't put it better.

@Test148

My best friend picked the dresses she liked the least because it was the only one that my fat ass didn’t look ridiculous in and I will always love her for it ❤️

This is true friendship.

As an aside - why do they Adult Brats think anyone gives a flying fuck who's on Team Bride. Even the name Team Bride sounds like a load of pretentious wank. If she was my friend on social media I'd be taking the piss out of her in my head.

Who picks their bridesmaids dress out before they're even engaged?!

OP I'm going to think of a cutting reply to send back to her but first I need more wine. Bear with me

I'd be cutting ties and not going to the wedding. I would sleep on my response though, I always find I'm much calmer after a sleep and my response is much more thought out and in this instance would be more straight to the point whilst being level headed.

@Winkywonkydonkey

I would send a frenemy message like "your team bride look great, I'm surprised you're not worried about all those model-types stealing the show!"

Brilliant! Do it please OP!

betterlifenostrife hahaha that's great

What a bitch, I'm mad for you. Bet the dresses are shit anyway!!

what a knob!
You are better than this op! I wouldn’t even bother to reply!

If you want to lose weight do it for you and not for some superficial ‘friend’ who pretends to have your back.

I’m so angry for you! Come and be my friend.

I think it's a warning about taking weddings too seriously and not focusing on the beauty of two people committing to each other.

How childish of her to set her heart on these particular dresses and call it 'team' bridesmaids, or wherever.

Your friend has totally got her feelings and priorities twisted. It is just ridiculous and embarrassing to be so precious about a ceremony and telling you what you'd be happy with! She shouldn't have upset you and is being focused on herself.

I suppose that now you will feel you can't saying anything, because she is the bride and it's her big day.

I wish somebody would write a book on gasp-making wedding stories - like some that appear on MN - then you could give it to her as a very early wedding present.

It sounds like you're well out of all the fuss though, and all the expense, no doubt. If you attend the wedding, it can be on your terms.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.
Do you now ? A good friend would get her slim bridesmaids to wear the dress the bigger bridesmaid felt comfortable in. Decent people choose the dresses to suit the bridesmaids, not the bridesmaids to suit the dress

Do you want to be a bridesmaid and wear the dress? If so then call her bluff. Reply telling her you would love to be a bridesmaid and you're not in the best shape now but you're working on it. See what she says. Is it about what she wants or what she thinks you want?

If she genuinely had your best interests at heart she would have asked you and given you a choice.

I had picked the colour and style of bridesmaids dress I wanted.

Then I took my best friend to try them on and realised the colour did not suit her. I changed the whole colour scheme of my wedding in order that she could wear a dress she looked nice in.

That’s what true friends do.

Be grateful you aren't marrying her!

I suspect this will get picked up by the Daily Mail and you won't need to reply...job done.

You deserve better friends.

She needs to get in the bin. What an awful human being. I wouldn’t reply to that at all, what could you possibly say?! I’d be tempted turn up in the same bridesmaid dress on the day just as a “coincidence” though 😂

OP, this is horrible. She does not give a shit about your feelings but rather creating her bloody dream wedding photos. A couple of my friend have got married recently and the whole covid situation has spared them from the whole wedding over kill and they have had the best days. Your friend sounds vile.

Christ who needs enemies 😱

Im so sorry OP, as everyone has already said... She isn't a friend. 🌸

I hope the fail does pick it up!