To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

She is no friend to you!! She is a superficial cow. Dont feel bad about yourself, feel about how little there is in her life to care SO much about a style of dress. Rolling my eyes into my brain You deserve better friends honey. Concentrate on your baby to come and enjoy it.

Wow, what a nasty, superficial bitch.

Block the cow and forget about her, she doesn't deserve your friendship.

She sounds vile! I think you need to ask yourself what you get out of this friendship.

Yeah, she’s not your friend...

Even if she was actually weird enough to pick the dresses first - if she was actually your friend she’d have just asked you how you felt about it.

'Accidentally' knock red wine over one of the professor's dresses and ruin her perfect photo op

To prioritise a desired look of dress over your friends is horrendous behaviour. She is very shallow and sounds unpleasant.

Sorry to sound harsh OP, but do you think this may just be an excuse? Maybe she does not feel you are as close to her, as you think and she just doesn't want you as a BM? The whole dress thing was to deflect attention from that (in a spectacularly cruel and ill thought out manner)

I just can't believe anyone would be that shallow I guess?!

Bridesmaids that as meant to read obvs

Yes @Holly60 this is spot on, you have your heart set on much better friends and your just not willing to compromise.

I imagine this has been really hurtful but hopefully the MN collective have helped you realise it's her and not you

And she doesn’t know the difference between compliment and complement.

Wow, who needs enemies with friends like that!! Jesus my bridesmaids were a 10 and 16, both looked gorgeous!! Between them they chose a style that flattered both of their body shapes, I just chose the colour.

Yes I don't think I would consider her a nice friend OP.

Jesus H Christ what an absolute cunting ball bag she is 🤬

this person is not a friend. a friend wouldnt care.

I used the word 'implication' Puzzled as that's what your 'question' was - implying that OP should give consideration to whether she'd feel comfortable with size 8/10 women.

Which is crazy.

How nasty

I wouldn't want to be Friends with her after this

just to add - in your shoes i would fuck her right off - shes s cunt of the highest order

Yikes. She cares more about the dress than the person inside the dress. That does not speak well of her. Sorry you've been hurt, but you can do better than that for a friend.

OMG she is horrible . You need to drop her like a stone OP.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self concious.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

A good friend would choose a different dress.

I say ditch the weight, get an amazing hair cut and style, show up at the wedding totally unbothered, but in a dress in the same sort of style but a different colour and somehow better..... But then I'd be bitter af

This is not a friend.

A friend does not pick a dress over a human being.

She's awful. But the bright side is OP that the 4 stick thin women she's picked will the the day they agreed to be 'Team Bride'. She sounds like a Bridezilla in the making, you've 100% had a lucky escape

@Dandylioness1

What do I even say back to that? I really do feel so upset by it. 😔

I'm not surprised. You're absolutely entitled (and correct) to feel hurt. Honestly, ditch the bitch. I'm actually hurt and angry on your behalf. I too put on weight after having my child and I honestly don't think any of my mates would have done that.

I can't stress enough - tell her to fuck the fuck off.

WTF did I just read??? Sorry, I don't know how to be helpful, but I wanted to post to try and support you, OP. What she said is so out there and unbelievably rude, I can't make sense of it. She's being a bitch, admitting it and also packaging it as if she's doing you a favour. Wow. She's a next level bitch. Next level.

Fuck, what a bitch