To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

@Dandylioness1

I think I'd respond with something along the lines of:

You're right in that I would feel self conscious wearing a revealing dress right now. But the wedding is a year away and you've always talked about me being part of the bridesmaid group, and I assumed you meant it, so of course I would've worked to get down to a comfortable weight. But you didn't give me that chance. I'm sad that you've dropped me without actually talking to me about it, and instead assuming that you know what I'd prefer. If you didn't want to hurt my feelings then you should probably have spoken to me rather than assumed you know how I feel.
I guess at least you'll have insta-photos now though so that's the important thing

@Dandylioness1

What do I even say back to that? I really do feel so upset by it. 😔

Fuck You springs to mind, for some reason.

Fat ppl are always planning to lose weight & it doesn't quite happen. Can't rely on a plan to lose weight. Not all styles do suit all body sizes.

I dunno... friend is bridezilla to want a specific dress style so much. OP is guestilla to presume OP should be a bridesmaid. OP asked for honesty but can't take it.

:( that OP might lose entire friendship over this issue.

Jeez.
The look of her wedding is more important than your friendship.
She is not a person worth being friends with.
Focus on better people in your life.

I'm in the opposite position. I desperately DON'T want to be a bridesmaid for the exact reasons she mentions but I feel I'd upset my friend by backing out. I am going to spend the day incredibly paranoid and uncomfortable in a dress that looks awful on me.

I think what she's said is her being sensitive, but she should have had the discussion with you before, not just assumed.

Definitely say about pleased she's not worried by being outshined by the supermodels.

Also say "Wow, you've really thought this through haven't you, got every little detail planned! I love your dedication to this wedding, not a problem at all about me not being a bridesmaid it sounds like it would be a bit like taking a second and unpaid job anyway"

[quote KidneyBeans]@Dandylioness1

I think I'd respond with something along the lines of:

You're right in that I would feel self conscious wearing a revealing dress right now. But the wedding is a year away and you've always talked about me being part of the bridesmaid group, and I assumed you meant it, so of course I would've worked to get down to a comfortable weight. But you didn't give me that chance. I'm sad that you've dropped me without actually talking to me about it, and instead assuming that you know what I'd prefer. If you didn't want to hurt my feelings then you should probably have spoken to me rather than assumed you know how I feel.
I guess at least you'll have insta-photos now though so that's the important thing [/quote]
She certainly should not send this.
The wagon isn't worthy of a reasoned response or explanation, half suggesting that she's right!

You might be sad that OP might lose her friendship over it.

I as one of the fat ppl says she deserves better.

Fat ppl are always planning to lose weight & it doesn't quite happen. Can't rely on a plan to lose weight. Not all styles do suit all body sizes.

Guys, the bride is here.

@ragged

Fat ppl are always planning to lose weight & it doesn't quite happen. Can't rely on a plan to lose weight. Not all styles do suit all body sizes.

I dunno... friend is bridezilla to want a specific dress style so much. OP is guestilla to presume OP should be a bridesmaid. OP asked for honesty but can't take it.

:( that OP might lose entire friendship over this issue.

Strangely, it appears that my earlier response can be usefully applied to other comments equally effectively.

Don't go to the wedding, as I really don't think it would be possible for you to have an enjoyable time, and why go otherwise? Waste of your time and money. She's shown you who she is and it isn't a pretty sight.

Quite possibly summer

I really hope one of the stick insects gets hugely fat. Or pregnant.

Yep, this piece of work is nicely explaining to you that she feels you're too fat to be in her wedding.

I would cut her cold. No reply to her sickening message or to a wedding invitation or anything else. If she loves skinny so much, completely gone should thrill her!

With priorities like that she’ll be divorced in 3 years. Who puts a dress ahead of important relationships?!
Op turn up to the wedding looking INCREDIBLE. Wear a dress 10 times better than the bridesmaids.

Anyone who values a set of photos over a friendship is not a friend. I wouldn't even dignify her vile insincere message with an answer.

BTW OP, this thread will end up on national news. I'd bet my bottom dollar on it. Have a think about if you want it taking down before it does

@ragged off you pop dear.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I really hope one of the stick insects gets hugely fat. Or pregnant.

I'd hope for the bride getting pregnant, personally. She can't sack herself, after all.

How do people like her actually have any friends? Surely this type of attitude must spill over into other areas like her behaviour towards others? If I was one of ‘Team Bride’ and discovered she’d sent a text like this to another friend I’d be absolutely horrified and would tell her to shove her ‘Team Bride’ bullshit.

She is a first-class total bitch and has shown you her true colours. Don’t go to the wedding and certainly don’t send her a card/gift either.

@Wherearemymarbles

Ok, here’s the plan. Loose 4 stone, Arrive at her wedding in the most figure hugging sexy dress you can lay your hands on…. Sort of Sandy style…

I would totally do this!

Very hurtful OP.
When I got married I had 2 bridesmaids. 1 was a 5 ft teeny tiny size 10. The other, a voluptuous size 18. Both wore the same dress. Both looked fab (by their own admission) and both felt comfortable.
I'm so sorry that she's being such a bitch

That is Bridezilla brutality! Picking the dresses then choosing the bridesmaids to suit them?!

I agree that I wouldn't dignify it with a reply.

@Movingtothebeat because bullies of a feather flock together. Pretentious wankers attract other pretentious wankers