To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

You should wear a lovely WHITE outfit to the wedding.

Your 'friend' is a cow, you deserve better.

I didn't even see one of my bridesmaid's dresses til just before my wedding, she had her mum make it for her as she doesn't like girly clothes and I wanted her to be comfortable. I just asked if she'd be ok wearing a similar colour to my other bridesmaid.

The other bridesmaid and I went shopping together and got something she liked (both were invited on the shopping trip btw).

Very different styles for two very different women equally valued by me.

Wow I've never felt the need to reply so strongly on a thread as I do this one... she is not your friend, she is a right bitch. Her wedding is a show and you'd be better off not going at all and sacking her off altogether

I’d just reply “thank you for clarifying, I understand now”

Then lose the weight (if you want to) and rock up at the wedding in same style dress as the bridesmaids, in a colour that looks fabulous on you

Oh c'mon Puzzled this is what you wrote:

I'm truly sorry you feel so bad about yourself, but because of this, would you honestly have felt relaxed and happy with the size 8/10's no matter what dress she'd chosen? Horrible as it feels, I just wonder if she's actually saved you an uncomfortable experience

The clear implication here is that OP might not feel happy being overweight and with size 8/10 women.

OP isn't happy with her weight.

But that doesn't necessarily mean she'd be more unhappy being with thinner bridesmaids.

And anyway, it should be her choice. Her 'friend' should be asking her because she loves her. OP can make her own choices after that.

If I were you I would indeed be my 'super happy self' - a million miles away from her or her shitty wedding! TBF it sounds absolutely dreadful, Team Bride and bridesmaid dresses picked out years ago. Back away slowly and consider it a lucky escape from the self-absorbed bint!

I had to reread this twice op.
Hurtful is not the word.
Send her a link to here if only to let her known how she has upset you and is devoid of manners.
But remember what goes around will come arround.
Don't go to the wedding, you deserve better. Or loose weight have a mass make over and wear the sexiest outfit ever and upstage her. It is what she deserves.
But you are likely to be too polite. She is not worthy of you.

YANBU. At best, she's got a bad case of bridezilla-itis; at worst, she's just totally shallow and obsessed with the photos.

You know the best revenge, OP? Look absolutely stunning on the day. Pick the most amazing dress, and if you actually plan to lose weight (but only for yourself) then you have absolutely the best motivation!

If what she is saying is true, she would have asked OP FIRST. As she did not, and in fact even went on to announce the team STILL without telling her, it is blatantly obvious that the message is in fact complete bollocks, and she doesn't want the OP as a bridesmaid because her figure does not match the image she wants.

@Holly60

Reply ‘do you know it’s really funny and I’ve recently set my heart on the type of friendships I want to nurture in the future and it turns out, you just don’t fit the bill. Gosh what a coincidence . Hope you have a fabulous wedding (and life) all the best, byeeeeeeeeee xxxxx’

Perfect 👏👏👏

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self concious.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

More like she's genuinely trying to make sure her wedding day looks 'perfect' at the sake of her friends feelings. That's not kind. If she have a shit about her friend she would be a bridesmaid... you can't just choose people based on their weight?!

This is very identifying (but I hope she sees it).

The fact she has chosen dresses over friendship 🤷‍♀️

@ShoutingBirb

I'd lose the weight and turn up to her wedding in a white gown.

@ShoutingBirb

Ha! Imagine!! 😂

Just reply back. That’s the quickest 9 stone I’ve ever lost in one day.

@Dandylioness1

What do I even say back to that? I really do feel so upset by it. 😔

You send her a link to this thread and let us do the talking for you while you block her

@Mileu

Just to add I fell out with one of my best mates over her pettiness and spite after she got engaged and became bridezilla. Best decision ever to walk away from that friendship. Can’t believe the shit I put up with now from her that my real friends would never subject me to!

I'm having the opposite. I'm the bride and my bridesmaid is being spiteful

If she cared about you, she'd find a complementary dress that would work for you and go with the others so you could join the bridal party, not be a 'concern troll' about it and shut you out. She certainly wouldn't be worth losing weight for...

She announces "team bride" W the actual F? If you want to get active and lose weight then go you but that judgey cow? I hope all the bridesmaids look better than her and she runs off crying. Honestly she is not fit to be an acquaintance let alone a friend.

You need better friends. This one is a dick.

@Gameofbones

OP isn't happy with her weight. But that doesn't necessarily mean she'd be more unhappy being with thinner bridesmaids

I know that, Earrings, and it's why I asked if OP would feel comfortable rather than assuming anything - after all that's kind of what a question is

She is going to get worse as time goes on so consider it a bullet dodged. In fact I wouldnt be at all surprised if "Team Bride" (vomit) has several changes of line up before the big day.

And I'd tell her to stuff her wedding invitation up her skinny self centred arse.

Your 'friend' values dresses over her friends. It's very superficial and you're better off without her.

She's chosen a dress over a close friend, and tried to spin her shitty choice as if she's doing you a favour, despite knowing how much it would hurt you.
Get rid.