To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

That was for @Jaichangecentfoisdenom

Sorry ….wrong link (from 2017)
Same horrid story though
Have asked to remove

I would reply that seeing as it's a year away, why were you not given the option as you can easily lose 3 stone in a year?

[quote SappysCurry]@Brendabigbaps

Oh found it
That will put the cat amongst the pigeons 😵‍💫 www.thesun.co.uk/living/4057993/cruel-bride-best-friend-too-fat-bridesmaid/[/quote]
That's a different story isn't it?

Keep silent for as long as you wish. You are not in the wrong here.

Honestly if she was a decent kind friend - even after sending that text - she would have called to talk & check on you.

Here's the right link

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15105291/mum-gutted-best-friend-excludes-bridal-party-weight/

@Dandylioness1

What do I even say back to that? I really do feel so upset by it. 😔

“By this time next year I’ll be back to my pre-baby size and shape but you’ll still be a Grade-A bitch. Cheerio!”

I think you've dodged a bullet: she'll be making all sorts of ghastly demands on "team bride". I bet the dresses are awful as well

@Pottedpalm

That was for *@Jaichangecentfoisdenom*

I didn't have any bridesmaids at my own wedding as it was before the time that adult bridesmaids usual. I am that old and got married that long ago that none of my friends had/have tattoos anyway, so the question would not have arisen for me even if I had had adult bridesmaids. I was simply trying to find a pleasant, friendly, solution for everyone who might be in that situation, but clearly didn't succeed. Never mind, it's all hypothetical.

Wow. What a shallow bitch. I'd be furious. Do you want to remain friends with her?

What a superficial witch. A real friend would build you up, not knock you down.

Realise your own self worth and tell her to ram it 🖕🏼

@Grizalda
Thank you

Crikey 🥺

@justalittlerant
Yes sorry
Same story different people/time
I have asked to be taken off

Grizalda has posted right link

Omg what have I read here. She sounds narcissistic, self-absorbed and a terrible, terrible friend. I would not reply to that message. Silence speaks louder than words in this instance. Up to you if you want to attend. I would RSVP 'decline' without a reason and she wouldn't be my friend any more. You deserve better OP

[quote SappysCurry]@Grizalda
Thank you

Crikey 🥺[/quote]

I really feel for op. They've printed the message screenshot and everything, so no denying it's her and not a coincidence. Fucking shitty "journalists" real journalists actually fucking WRITE instead of lifting stuff off social media

I would simply reply with”OK”, someone like that isn’t worth wasting energy on IMO. Just cut ties, she sees people accessories in her TV show. I imagine she will regret it.

I’m sure you would look lovely as a bridesmaid and you are worth more than this cow assessing you by your weight.

@Grizalda

Me too
It’s all blown up out of proportion
Trouble is it’s there for ever now
Gone are the days of tomorrow’s fish and chip paper

She's horrible. I agree with you that thinking of your feelings is probably a lie but even if it isn't and she really does think you'd be uncomfortable in the dress.... She should choose another one, or have mismatched or find you another role in the wedding where you can wear a different dress is same colour. I have dresses I would like for my bridesmaids to wear but I would never dream of putting that ahead of the women you choose and if they don't like it, then I'll change it. That's what normal and a good friendship looks like. This woman is a terrible friend.

Wow! How superficial and vile of her. I hope you are not planning to stay friends after this!

She is not your friend. Don’t reply. Don’t engage with her any more. Don’t go to the wedding.

I'm not going to join in with the rampant misogynistic name-calling which abounds on this thread.

Ultimately OP you're the only one who actually knows this person. If you're close friends, presumably you know her quite well.

Everyone else on the thread can throw out whatever they like - they don't know you and they don't know your friend.

What do you think her motives are? Her behaviour is undoubtedly hurtful, but please don't let strangers from the internet push you into throwing the nuclear switch if you don't want to. Posters on these threads love the drama and will encourage you to do or say things which aren't always helpful, they don't care about the people behind them.

So what do you think of her, genuinely? Do you think she's self-absorbed and a horrible person underneath, or do you think she's tried to be considerate but in completely the wrong way?

Keep a cool head and sit on it for a little while before replying. Don't be rushed into an angry reply by internet strangers.

Another for ditch the bitch!!

@Anjo2011

Wouldn’t it be awful if the wedding couldn’t go ahead due to Covid restrictions......

Yes, because it would mean that tens of thousands more people would have died if we’re still in that situation at the time of the wedding.

I'm sorry.

But she isnt your friend