To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

I just wouldn’t reply and when she contacts you to ask why, I just say it was so hurtful you couldn’t find the words. Then I’d distance myself.

I've seen stuff like this a few times - priority is hello esque wedding pics with matching dolly Barbie bridesmaids

.... Shallower than a damp patch.

At least they make of clear whag their character so you can prioritise then accordingly (low).

Her twisted manipulative thing about your feelings and comfort is transparent bullshit - reading it makes me want to slap her and I don't even know her.

1000% that friendship is over!!!!!

How about something like, ‘wow, you’ve worded it very well as if you are doing me a favour, but it’s clear as day you are prioritising a dress that you’ve set your heart on for one day, over our friendship! The dress will suit the other bridesmaids, so they make the cut to make the pics look nice. Do you realise this makes you sound ridiculously shallow?’

What a piece of work, OP! So sorry but she doesn’t sound like a true friend, and it doesn’t sound like the wedding will be very fun either for the bridesmaids! You’re best off on the sidelines, or not going at all!

I think I'd reply saying
"In no way would I have wanted to ruin your wedding pictures. I was kind of hoping that your wedding would have given me that additional incentive needed to shift the baby weight".

And see what she comes back with.

Block her 🌸🌺💕🌷

She is not your friend she is a self centered cow. Turn down the invite and move on from her.

Well I still haven’t replied.

I didn’t sleep much last night either as it’s really laying heavy on my mind.

I think I’m going to leave it a few days and reply when I know exactly what to say to her.

The more I think about it, the more upset I become and I thinks replying now, I’m more likely to say something I don’t really mean.

I wouldn't reply and wait for her to get in touch again.

Two of my bridesmaids were unexpectedly pregnant so I had to alter everything about their dresses - literally! But I really wanted them to be bridesmaids and they still wanted to do it.

Silence speaks louder than any words. Say nothing. Don’t respond. See what she comes back with.

Wouldn’t it be awful if the wedding couldn’t go ahead due to Covid restrictions......

Be the better person that are in your reply really try not to get into a discussion there is no discussion she isn’t the person you thought she was

I would be very hurt too x

How cruel. I had ideas of bridesmaid dresses before I was engaged too. Then when it came to it I had mine try on different styles and then they agreed which one they all felt comfortable in (sized between 4 and 20)

She wouldn't be my friend any longer! OP, be your happy self elsewhere on her wedding day!

@Anjo2011

Silence speaks louder than any words. Say nothing. Don’t respond. See what she comes back with.

This. Don’t reply anything at all. Keep a dignified silence. The message doesn’t warrant a reply.

Regardless of dress/your weight etc she was so unkind to let you find out by that public message.

A true friend would have spoken to you first and asked directly if you wanted to be a bridesmaid as the style of dress is X or would you rather do a reading? If she cared about your feelings asking you to think it through and make the decision etc

Wonder if it will be a child free wedding too?

Honestly, don't reply. Celebrate the weight you've lost, her dead weight.

On reflection - as much as I’d like to give her pelters, you may well be best served by going full Naboo.

Try not to be upset. She isn’t worth the steam…

Another bloody Bridezilla !! How shallow and superficial she is.I feel for you OP.She's not a friend !

Meant not a friend !

She might be a size 16 one day.
I was a size 10 many years ago.I'm now a 12/14.It happens.

I disagree here OP. Why are you friends?

It’s not for your friend to decide how you would feel and furthermore plenty of bridesmaids will be your size. I think it’s mean of your friend and I would be keeping my distance from now.

OP if you cut contact with her, would it affect your wider friendship group?

Really? If the friend had full arms and neck, shoulders done? So the dresses would have to have full length sleeves and high necks? What is the bridesmaid didn’t want to cover them up?

@Brendabigbaps

You’ve made it into The Sun!

Guessing your issue will be sorted pretty soon and you won’t have a wedding to worry about.

Is there a link to that please ?