To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

If she'd cared about you at all you wouldn't have found out reading her "team bride" post. She's a proper bitch

If you are worried about the newspaper's picking this up contact MN - ask them to pull the thread.

Don't go to her wedding!!!!

Wow she is a right sort. I’d be replying and telling her to fuck off with her judgemental attitude towards a fellow human. I would then block her from my life

What a horrid person. You don't need her in your life. Shallow and judgemental.

She is no friend. That's horrible. She should've picked you as bridesmaid and stated these are the dresses.
Am thinking she said picked these dresses along time ago, perhaps she's already bought them, and now isn't able to find that dress anymore and can't get a bigger size?
Although am more inclined to thinking she just wants the perfect pictures. I wouldn't attend her wedding at all

What an absolute bitch. I'd dump her as a friend right away. I'd have someone who was 50 stone as a bridesmaid if they were a true friend even if they had to go the aisle in a wheelchair. Now you know how shallow she is you can ditch her and find real friends.

Ah op, this totally sucks. The bride sounds awfully shallow, and this must be really upsetting for you. Best part is, in 5 years time when she's fawning over her wedding photos, no doubt her perfect bridesmaids will be a distant chapter of her life, real friendships aren't based on looks or size. I had something similar, yet kind of thr opposite happen to me a few years back. My closest friend announced her engagement, and shortly after I got a message to say that although I was her "best friend in the world" unfortunately I wouldn't be part of her bridal shower, as she wouldn't want the pressure on me as I had a "new" baby at the time (baby was a year old, and wedding was a year down the line, so she would have been 2, and wouldn't have been an issue?!) It quickly became apparent that unlike your bride, this one obviously wanted her bridesmaids to all be bigger than her... I guess to make her look "better"!? I am naturally very slim, and I'm sure she just didn't want to stand next to me in pictures, as she was bigger and very hung up about her weight. One of her bridesmaids was someone she wasn't close to in the slightest, but she was at least two dress sizes bigger than the bride, as were the other 2 bridesmaids. We fell out and haven't spoken since... No great loss!

Your friend is a self-absorbed dick OP.

Do people really value their “wedding aesthetic” more than they value celebrating with the special people in their lives? How pathetic.

Team Bride 🤢 seriously who comes up with this bullshit.

It’s a shame she put more thought into the bridesmaid dresses than the people in them. Presumably she is going to be one of those people who is more concerned about the wedding day itself than the marriage.

She can fuck off with her ❤️ at the end of the text.

Omg your friend is the WORST! This is SO MEAN!! for you OP. What did you respond ? I would say nothing/ or send her the link to this thread for sure!! Moving forward you do not need a person like this in your life.

Wow. When I got married, I picked my bridesmaids and then we all went shopping to find a dress everyone felt comfortable in. I didn't choose the bridesmaids to suit the dresses?!

If her text is true and she was thinking about your feelings, surely she would have had a conversation with you to ask whether or not you would be happy wearing the dress, not just assume you wouldn't.

I probably wouldn't fall out over it (but I'm not the confrontational type!), just distance myself and find some better friends!

@Holly60

Reply ‘do you know it’s really funny and I’ve recently set my heart on the type of friendships I want to nurture in the future and it turns out, you just don’t fit the bill. Gosh what a coincidence . Hope you have a fabulous wedding (and life) all the best, byeeeeeeeeee xxxxx’

this

No, no, no! None of this 'revenge body' nonsense.
Lose weight for you, make with detail new friends for you. Don't let her and her obvious fear of your body shape ruining her aesthetic turn you into one of them.

Love you best life away from the people that bring you down. That is the perfect two fingered salute to 'Bride Team'

Who actually remembers the bridesmaids dresses to any wedding they have been to as well? Who even remembers the brides dress?

No one except the bride and sometimes the groom cares about this stuff.

She's not your mate;fuck her.

I had breakfast with my Mum and Dad this morning, neither very kind about weight gain, I told them about this thread thinking they might think the bride was being thoughtful. Quite the opposite, my Mum said ‘ha some friend, I mean ex-friend’ and my Dad looked up from his cornflakes said ‘bloody bridezilla’ and got back to his breakfast. So even the nowhere-near snowflake generation (they are in their 70s) think she’s been an absolute bitch!

If you still want to go to the wedding, definitely go having lost the weight and looking super glamorous. Revenge is a dish best served cold and all that.

Personally I think I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who prioritised a dress over me. So shallow on all levels. You deserve better friends.

Ps my Mum, randomly, says to send her love

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self concious.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

Sorry, but that's not true. If she was putting OP's feelings first she would say something along the lines of:

"We are such good friends and I'd love
you to be my bridesmaid. I love this bridesmaid dress but if you're not comfortable with it we can look for a different style for you"!

Just to add;lots of people are saying "oh she's thinking of you and sparing your feelings"

It's absolute BS.

It boils down to the fact she wants perfect Instagramable wedding photos with her skinny bitch identikit team bride.

@Goshitstricky is quite right, losing weight should be for you and not for revenge but as you’ve said you intend to do it anyway, if it happens to coincide with a bit of light revenge, so be it.

When did this fashion for adult bridesmaids start anyway? I had 2 little girls for bridesmaids at my wedding (both daughters of friends). No drama with dresses etc and they looked cute.

Choosing some friends over others to be be bridesmaids is only going to end in tears inevitably.

Omg, that’s awful. She really isn’t a true friend. I would be civil but completely distance myself away from her. You don’t need that negativity in your life. Please don’t think this is about her caring how you feel. From her response it seems to me she had that excuse saved for a while. I’m sorry you’re going through this 💐

It's really mean to be honest.
IF she really does think she's being thoughtful at least give you the opportunity to accept or decline the offer of being a bridesmaid with that particular style of dress!
Weddings bring out the best and WORSE in people OP.....

As my lovely late DM would have said, what an absolute shithouse.

Fuck her off OP, she is not your friend and doesn't deserve your friendship.

Enraged for you.