To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

Jesus what is it with people assuming people in bigger bodies should loose weight before its acceptable to b living. We can be in a bigger body and we can still live.
Im so sorry this has happened and she is not a friend and i would cut her off

I feel your pain op

My best friend did the same to me when she realised I’d be 3 months pregnant at her wedding. I still had to go as it was a family friend so my folks were there. I’d still had to pay for the bm shoes. She didn’t request one single photo with me.

It was 25 years ago, our friendship never really recovered and due to another incident where we were going to be out all day Christmas Eve with visiting family who wanted to visit other terminally ill family, so couldn’t guarantee to be in when she popped in with a gift she never forgave me (for having a prior family arrangement at Christmas time) and I now haven’t seen or spoken to her in 10 years. It still hurts and I still miss her.

Your best response here is nothing. Dignified silence.

Havent RTFT. I chose my bridesmaids before I even thought about dresses.
When we went dress shopping my first choice of dress didnt suit one bridesmaid. (She was a size 10, but the cut of the dress didnt suit her figure) it was momentarily disappointing as it was the only one in that colour...but I just chose another one that fitted, and suited both bridesmaids.

@Billybagpuss

I feel your pain op

My best friend did the same to me when she realised I’d be 3 months pregnant at her wedding. I still had to go as it was a family friend so my folks were there. I’d still had to pay for the bm shoes. She didn’t request one single photo with me.

It was 25 years ago, our friendship never really recovered and due to another incident where we were going to be out all day Christmas Eve with visiting family who wanted to visit other terminally ill family, so couldn’t guarantee to be in when she popped in with a gift she never forgave me (for having a prior family arrangement at Christmas time) and I now haven’t seen or spoken to her in 10 years. It still hurts and I still miss her.

Your best response here is nothing. Dignified silence.

The marriage lasted 2 years

Lose the weight and turn up to the wedding in a Jessica rabbit dress. A fucking white one 😂

Just know OP that you are a truly lovely person.
I’m not often aghast at posts on here, but the one has stunned me. You can lose the weight if you want to but she can never lose that hideously shallow side of her personality. If nothing else, just feel sorry for her ignorance. I wouldn’t even reply to that crock of shit message. Or reply to her ever again.

What would you think of a bride who excluded a friend because the style of dress chosen would reveal extensive tattoos, and she didn’t like that ‘look’?

@KatherineOfGaunt

Horrible. Putting her dress choice above a friendship.

I can't believe she chose people to go with the dresses rather than pick the people then find something for them to wear.

My bridesmaids all wore dresses they chose themselves in a particular colour scheme. Because I wanted them to be comfortable, so they chose. I like to think that's how you're a good friend, but by excluding someone because 'it's better for you this way'.

This is exactly right. In the great scheme of things the dresses are immaterial really; it's your friendship and being a bm that should matter more. Far better for BMS to chose dresses that flatter them individually and blend in to the whole. The matchy matchy thing with both style and colour can be very overdone too.

Say nothing op.

There is no reply that will make her sweat as much as your continued silence.

If you're nice, or even matter of fact, she's off the hook and gets to tell everyone she was considering your feelings.

If you're (quite rightly) angry, she gets to tell everyone you're unreasonable.

Say nothing nothing nothing and she doesn't get to look like the good guy.

You've had a lucky escape there!

She is going to be a fucking nightmare, one of those shallow attention seekers who thinks they are the first person to ever have s wedding.

She's probably always been like this, but you've come to normalise her behaviour.

You can just sit back now and watch the horrors of 'Team Bride' unfold!

Oh, and don't be doing her any little background favours either. If she asks for any help, just tell you're not the right shape.

Bloody hell. If I wanted a friend to be a bridesmaid I'd work with them to find a dress that they felt comfortable in. It's ridiculous that she has to stick to a certain dress. Dress/certain look over friendship - wtf. It's just shallow excuses. A real friend wouldn't treat someone like that. And to put it on Facebook for you to find out. That's just spineless or just outright mean.

"Oh, and don't be doing her any little background favours either. If she asks for any help, just tell you're not the right shape**"
*

Three options.

1. Shes an absolute BITCH bridezilla who has prioritised her wedding aesthetics over her friendship with you

1. Shes trying to be a kind friend who doesn't want to put you under pressure to lose weight but is prioritising the aesthetics of her wedding over your friendship (because you might not lose weight and what happens then? Do you get dumped a few weeks before the wedding?)

1. I can't think of a number 3

OP.... if she'd said to you.... I really want you to be my bridesmaid but you have GOT to lose 3 stone or you're out..... that would have ALSO made you feel crap, wouldn't it?

The only good option is if she doesn't care about your weight and you are bridesmaid regardless because she loves you.

That is not happening here

She is not a friend imo

This is so sad. Your size and dresses aside, she let you find out on Social media. I find that particularly insensitive. She could've talked to you first. To me, that's the most hurtful thing. She's making out she's being considerate when I'm actual fact she hasn't considered your feelings at all.

My reply would have to be "Wow. I didn't have you down for this level of shallow. Hopefully your husband isn't in for the same kind of surprise." I would then block her

So still loose the weight and turn up in couture with an enormous hat.

Give her an image that she won't ever forget.

She's no friend she's a frenemy

As far as a reply, just say Ok and leave it at that. Say as little as possible. Agree with previous poster, there isn't really a reply for it. 💐

@LobotomisedIceSkatingFan

By the Power of Greyskull, I'm praying the rest of 'Team Bride' each puts on four stone by May next year . . .

😂😂😂

For once I hope the DM actually pick up this story. That text is vile.

How awful. I would cut her off completely for one simple reason-friends are not supposed to make each other feel like crap. She is not your friend. Not only she hasn't had guts to just not invite you to be a bridesmaid, but she also blamed your weight gain and on top of it tried to dress it as if she cares about you. Please don't go to the wedding and stop being friends with this horrid woman

Shes not very nice. A real friend would pick the people firs tand choose dresses that work for them rather than be super fixed on a specific bridesmaid dress. Weird for her to be so invested in a particular dress tbh. Sorry your friend sucks :( weddings can make people a bit nuts, that doesn't mean you have to forgive her though

Horrible. A wedding is about sharing your day with who you love and care for, not what they look like. Both my bridesmaids were size 8, neither suited the dress I loved so they wore something that suited them and they liked. They looked fabulous and looked radiant cos they liked what they wore and felt great. THAT was more important to me- if she really wanted u as a bridesmaid she’d alter her ideas. Sad, but she is NOT thinking of you. Get a new friend.

What an absolute bitch, she's no friend of yours.