To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

@Dandylioness1 I'd just say "How could you? How could you be so utterly cruel & callous? Have a nice wedding"

Whether she's genuinely being kind or not (highly debateable!!), anyone that chooses a dress before a bridesmaid is an awful person. And she said she won't compromise on the dress but she has compromised on you being there wirh her on the day?? Shallow and awful.

Also, "introducing" team bride?? How vapid. You've dodged a bullet, she sounds awful!!!

Bet any money they want an abroad beach hen do too for posey pics.

I would be seriously reconsidering my friendship with this person. Mark my words this won't be the first outrageous bride thing she does.... keep us posted!

What she has done is use the excuse of not wanting to hurt your feelings. If she was a good friend she should have asked you if wearing such a dress would make you uncomfortable and if she was a true friend, and your answer was yes, then you could have worked together to find a dress that worked for you both.

She sounds incredibly shallow and self centred. I'd be tempted to get yourself a revenge bod, turn up to her wedding looking like a million dollars and make a significant announcement on the day (ie your own wedding, birth of next child etc...)

This is disgusting. Sorry you had to be subjected to this OP.

Jesus that is awful.

One of my bridesmaids was a taller than me size 10 and the other a shorter than me size 22. We went shopping together and they picked a dress that looked amazing on both of them. My only input was that it was something they could actually wear again if they wanted to so not overly formal (I genuinely hate disposable fashion and wearing an outfit once - bridezilla I know but my dress was second hand for that reason ), and blue.

We ended up with dusty pink because there was nothing blue that suited them both! So fucking what. Theme changed to pink and blue. Happy bride happy best friend and future sister in law.

And even if this dress was so important to her... she does not sound caring at all as some pps are trying to suggest.

A caring friend would send a text a month before Team Bride explaining that she really wants this dress (photo) but isn't sure how OP would feel about. She would say her heart was set on the dress, and she really wants OP as a bridesmaid but doesn't want to pressure her into feeling like she has to say yes and be uncomfortable on the day.

Then OP could say she is going to lose weight so no problem, OR she doesn't care if she is uncomfortable, she wants to be a BM regardless, OR she would bow out gracefully.

That would have preserved the brides supposed wishes, the op's feelings, and the friendship.

If I was op, I would never speak to the woman again.

I have written, deleted and rewritten a reply 100000 times
I can’t find the right works

I wouldn't bother. I'd simply say, "OK" or "right" or something equally as brief and leave it at that. Then I wouldn't contact her again.
A back and forth isn't going to make you feel any better, it will make it worse. Also the chance 'team bride' becomes a party to it is high (if she hasn't shared with them already) and how would that make you feel?

100% get this thread deleted, or at least remove the text.

As for your friend... Christ. I wouldn't even they at all. She isn't your friend. Ignore her, and if a wedding invitation comes then politely decline it.

*Wouldn't even reply at all

I’d just say: cancelled

What a cunt

Oh OP, that’s really dreadful. I agree with others, she’s not a friend. The fact she’s tried to pretend she’s just thinking of you. What a cunt.

I'd lose the weight and turn up to her wedding in a white gown.

I do love this idea. Can you imagine. 🤣

But in all honesty I’d end the friendship so wouldn’t be at her wedding.

@Dandylioness1 her text comes across as she is putting your feelings first. But I don't believe that.
She could easily look for a dress of the same colour fabric yet a style that would suit you. Nothing wrong with your dress style different from the other bridesmaids.
Has she even shown you the dress and asked how you feel about having to wear it???.
Clearly her wedding is about nice pics and not about sharing her day with the most closest of friends!!!
She'll realise her mistake when she starts to miss you in her life. At the moment she is only thinking of this picture perfect wedding.
She'll soon see she needs you by her side.

Christ on a bike. Putting a dress style over your friends happiness. This has to be a first, even for mn!

I think I'd reply in the words of Audrey Hepburn

'Make up can only make you look pretty on the outside, but it doesn't help if you're ugly on the inside, unless you eat the make up - but in your case I think this applies to bridesmaid dresses! I hope you enjoy your wedding'

She assassinated you and made it out that she was doing you a favour..

She is vile 🌸

Who the fuck cares more about a dress than a close friend?

I'd be tempted to reply something like, "You can ask whomever you'd like to be your bridesmaid; that's your prerogative. But I'm shocked that you're someone who cares more about a dress than about having a close friend in the wedding. And I'm really disappointed that you placed the blame for this on your assumptions about me."

Or, just not reply.

Yep. It's cause you're fat. I can't imagine one of my friends treating me like that.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

What a shocking view of friendship to care more about a dress than your friend Pure manipulation to pretend it's all about protecting OPs feelings.

I would be plain that you've got the measure of her very well.

"Team Bride" - says it all really. You dodged a bullet from a Bridezilla!

That's no friend! Ok so i'm an awkward body shape and certain styles of clothes will look terrible on me because i'm three different sizes, for example fitted clothes are a no no as if they fit my hips I wouldn't get my chest in them. If they fit my chest they'll look like a clown suit on my lower half. There are bridesmaid dresses available that can be worn about four different ways to suit your size AND shape, so they're all the same fabric and exactly the same colour. If I was the bride that's what I would have bought for my bridesmaids. She sounds incredibly shallow and not someone i'd want as a friend. That would be it for me i'm afraid.

This is the end of the friendship surely! With any luck DM will pick this up and the whole nation will know tomorrow what a bitch she is. Weddings do weird stuff to people.
Can we see the dress?! 😬

@Myphone

She is not a friend. Reply with, ‘Absolutely no problem about the dress choice. I’m fine with it. I heard the style and colour is a bit controversial amongst the group. That must be a nightmare dealing with that.’ 😉

Priceless.

I wouldn't reply and I'd politely decline the wedding invitation if and when it arrives. Life's too short to waste on people like that.

She is NOT "trying to be kind". She's a megalomaniac bitch. Get rid.

Team bride! What a prat. Promise you will find other (grown-up) friends. How hurtful. Lick your wounds and move on.

She’s shallow as fuck. Prioritising a dress over the people you supposedly love is pathetic and empty. She’s a shallow, conceited cow and honestly I don’t think she’s your friend

Op this is so hurtful.

Im a bit of a walkover sometimes in life. I let people get away with stuff.

But this is just fucking hideous - she's an out and out bitch.

This is not how friends treat other friends. She's manipulative as fuck the way she's written that. She's no friend, I'm sorry.

You can't polish a turd. Her message is pure turd. Horrible, awful, selfish. I would get rid and never speak to her again. It would kill me but I would ghost her. She doesn't deserve you.

Congratulations on your baby

How absolutely horrible.
FiY - I am nearly 6ft and was a bridesmaid to a 5ft bride with her even more petite sisters and diddy nieces. Life isn't Instagram.