To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

It takes a special person to write that down and actually send it. I don’t think I could reply. You’d have to lower yourself or pretend it’s fine. I would just leave it but I wouldn’t be involved with her again. I’m so sorry, what a horrible message to receive. Horrendous.

Total bitch I would so tempted to link to this thread if you are not now bothered re the friendship. I had 3 size 12 bridesmaids and one size 28. At no point did I even think of leaving out the larger girl.

YANBU but frankly 'Team Bride'? You are well out of it in my opinion.

@Deedoubleyou has it exactly right in my opinion. I was more 'these are the exact people I want as bridesmaids' and the dresses, even our bloody colour scheme (although there were a few options) shifted to make everything work for all our figures and skin tones. She sounds really, really awful.

@Susannahmoody

I'd lose all the weight and show up looking like a fucking rockstar at her wedding 💒

🙌🏻 This!!!

Plan B : lose all the weight (for you!) and be away on holiday having a blast with people who adore you whilst she 'celebrates' her dull, plastic-fantastic day

God what a cow! Agree with others, she will be terrible in the run up to the wedding and a demanding bridezilla..!

My best friend (and MOH) doesn’t always feel
comfortable in certain styles. I just gave her the colour scheme and said pick whatever you want! I had bridesmaids too and checked with them if they were ok in the dresses I bought, if they weren’t I’d return them. They’re my best friends and sisters...I don’t even see their sizes, genuinely. I don’t understand people who look at their nearest and dearest like that. It really is so shallow.

You deserve better than her, OP. Don’t go on her hen do, go to the wedding for some free food and booze, but don’t get her a gift!

Wow what a bitch. Unbelievable.

If it was me I’d try and make her feel guilty. I’d say something like “you have no idea how much you’ve hurt me” But she’s probably so un-self-aware that it wouldn’t work.

OP, she's no friend, she's a complete bitch. I'm staggered that someone would even be so shallow as to do this, but to dress it up as concern for your feelings is beyond the pale.

You don't need people like this in your life OP. True friends make you feel good about yourself, and a true friend wouldn't even think of pulling what she's pulled.

Wedding gift: book entitled how not to be a bitch...

I think she's been horrible in so many ways. I think people should invite the people closest to them to participate in the wedding. Then, to thank them for their support, choose a dress that suits them all. Or multiple dresses.

She's chosen the dress she wants, then the people who will look best in the dress, and then tried to dress it all up as kindness and consideration. No. If she was really being kind she'd invite you and work with you to find a dress that you looked amazing in.

She is not a friend.
Reply with, ‘Absolutely no problem about the dress choice. I’m fine with it. I heard the style and colour is a bit controversial amongst the group. That must be a nightmare dealing with that.’ 😉

But the wedding isn’t right now, it’s a year away and I’m more than confident I could drop my 3 stone gain in a year, especially with the incentive of a dress to get into.
Get fit anyway and wear a stunning dress nicer than the bridesmaids if you decide to stay friendly with the superficial bride-zilla.

@EmeraldShamrock

But the wedding isn’t right now, it’s a year away and I’m more than confident I could drop my 3 stone gain in a year, especially with the incentive of a dress to get into. Get fit anyway and wear a stunning dress nicer than the bridesmaids if you decide to stay friendly with the superficial bride-zilla.

Or just buy the actual bridesmaids dress, and join them at the end when they walk down the aisle 😂😂😂

Wow that message is brutal. Hope you’re ok op.

@Hsjdb7483939

She is not a friend! Who on earth prioritises the dress they want their bridesmaids to wear above having actual close friends as bridesmaids!

This.

oh my this is awful. One of my best friends is larger, I just chose a colour and let all the girls choose a style that suited their body shape and that they were comfortable wearing. I can't believe she did that.
Be on holiday for her wedding.

If your friendship means less to her than you wearing the bridesmaid dress I say feck her off. She is no friend of yours. Sorry, I haven't read it all but ffs!

Wtaf? She could’ve simply said “these are the dresses I’m 100% choosing. Feel free to opt out if you feel uncomfortable”. But no discussion or anything? Please do not be friends with this horrid woman any longer.

Jesus what a bitch

When my sister got engaged I was a size 22 and she asked me to be her bridesmaid. I got down to a 14 for the wedding so it wasn’t an issue with the dress she’d picked but if it had been she would have let me get a different dress in the same colour.

I've just come home from a night out. My husband stayed in with the kids. I've come home to find him drunk. I'm really upset. Our children were in bed, he should have been looking after them. Am I right to be upset?

@ladymary78

You need to start your own thread and post your question there. You'll get answers then.

Sorry, am new to this and haven't quite figured it out yet! Thank you.

Some people get very self righteous once the planning starts "it is my day everything must be perfect for ME" common sense goes out the window.
It's obvious how some friendships crash after a wedding.

@Dandylioness1 She's horrible. I've had friends like this before. Have you decided what you're going to say back?

[quote SkodaKodiaq]@Dandylioness1 She's horrible. I've had friends like this before. Have you decided what you're going to say back? [/quote]
@SkodaKodiaq

I have written, deleted and rewritten a reply 100000 times.....

I can’t find the right works. 🙁

I'd reply;

Sorry I didn't make the cut to wear your perfect dress..........then again it sounds like I've had a lucky escape! on her social media page

You do need to evaluate this friendship OP. She's just being cruel and worst thing is she doesn't realise it.

I wonder if you will be excluded from all the 'hen' events shite too.
You sound like a lovely person and you don't need crappy friends like that.

Ps, I hope the groom runs off with the bridesmaid.