To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

I read the screenshot of her message with my mouth dropping further and further open. What a horror she is!

I'm really sorry your 'friend ' is an idiot ! You don't need people like that in your life , I hope your ok 💗

@lolacola77

She's a shallow, nasty cunt. Bin her and fuck her fiance

This was genuinely my first thought 😅

It just typifies the obsession with physical appearance over anything else. Personally I would ignore, then delete her from my life. I can’t deal with this kind of emotional drama - it causes huge damage. I’d rather not have any friends.

@BumbleFlump

KidneyBeans and EarringsandLipstick I haven’t a clue what you’re both arguing about but think it’s hilarious that you tow have been having your own private argument that spans back several pages on the thread while everyone else just carries on with it all 😆😂🤣

😂😂😂😂😂

Alsoooo I put on 4 stone with my last baby and was a size 16 back in November , I'm now back into a size 8/10

Wow, she sounds about as shallow as a puddle. Even if this was all ‘well intentioned’ and she thinks she’s being nice, she just sounds like a rubbish, boring, barren person to know. She picked her bridesmaids to match the dress rather than vice versa? Her text is embarrassing, how in all earnestness could she prattle on about you feeling comfortable in her perfect bridesmaid dress, having the cheek to condescend to you, when she sounds like such an absolute moron.

There’s another thread on here about ‘wtf moments’ - this situation is the most jaw dropping example of it.

I think this is one of these times when the mask slips and you see someone for who they really are.

I’m not sure what’s worse- the fact that she even thinks like this, or the fact that she doesn’t even feel slightly embarrassed about being so superficial!

Horrible, horrible woman with her faux concern. She might even have convinced herself that those reasons are genuine, but in the end she is shoving you to the sidelines of her perfect day. And what a way to find out - via Facebook. I would be 'busy' that day if it was me. I feel for you. That was exceptionally hurtful. You're worth ten of her.

Sorry op, she’s a cowbag!

@Slipperydippery "Alternatively even if she really was trying to be kind, she should have spoken to you first, and ask how you’d feel about wearing the dress, not broadcast something about “team bride” all over Facebook."

Exactly this. She wants to behave terribly but pretend she is a good friend. A good friend would have had a conversation with you about it.

I had only the one bridesmaid- my cousin. If she had worn jeans and a t shirt I wouldn’t have cared because it was more important that she was by my side. As others have said, you need new friends. Xxx

Back in the day, we picked dresses to flatter the bridesmaids and had them the same colour.
Insta they were not. But you know what they were? Your favourite people supporting you and everyone looking their best.
I know what I prefer.
Your friend can rock on, she sounds like she's caring but she's anything but.

I agree with whoever said... you've dodged a bullet. She'll only get worse.

What if one if team bride gets chicken pox? Sunburn?

Fuck that op, you're better off out of it.

The audacity. How did she have the balls to message you like that?! I think it's because you're a very nice person OP and she knows she can get away with pulling stunts like this. It's awful that she actually messaged like she's doing you a favour when in fact she's just pure nasty.

She's probably done you a favour as she is going to be a total bridezilla if this is how she's behaving already.

Bloody hell!! Who the hell chooses their bridesmaids dresses before they are even engaged? Who chooses bridesmaids based on who will look best in the chosen dress? How shallow is she FFS?

My reply would be something like:
“Gosh, I thought people chose bridesmaids who were close to them and then chose dresses that would suit their chosen bridesmaids. My mistake, obviously it’s all about the look. Hope you have a lovely picture perfect day and none of your bridesmaids gets pregnant!”

That's so awful of her. How shallow. You have seen her true colours now and what matters to her. It's a lucky escape not being in her 'team'.

I have been a bridesmaid once and I was a size 22.

I just don't understand people like her. She has a very specific dress she wants her bridesmaids to wear ? Like wtf? She just wants pretty dolls for the photos. You can bet no-one cares about the size of the men.

Shallow , superficial, nasty. You dodged a bullet. She would totally go all Bridezilla on your arse as a Bridesmaid. It will be a ridiculously priced hen weekend of adoring her plus another 'home hen'.

Don't you dare help with any arrangements for the wedding ...and there will be massive bridezilla arrangements. Infact I would suggest extracting yourself from the relationship. I feel furious for you !

What an awful selfish manipulative woman. I'd say bye bye to her and wish her good luck with her wedding. She's not what you call a friend.

Don't you dare feel like it's your fault. Size 16 or not you're still beautiful. You've had a lucky escape being a bridesmaid for someone soooo awful.

Is she a school friend whose not grown up yet?

Wow that's a BURN.

Late to the party and have not RTFT just the OP

Immediate Reaction :

Never speak to her again
Do NOT attend her wedding

I'd lose all the weight and show up looking like a fucking rockstar at her wedding 💒

“I’m not really sure how to take this message to be honest. Thank you for speaking to me and I’m glad you’ll have the look you wanted for your wedding photos.” What a BITCH. I’m absolutely aghast at this, @Dandylioness1. My best friend is getting married and I’ve put on a lot of weight and I’m not feeling good about myself. She’s picked bridesmaids dresses me and the other woman would like after asking us what sort of style we wanted and then finding things that worked for her. I was meant to get married last year (Covid postponement) and all I wanted was my friends as my bridesmaids in the same colour but whatever style they fancied. I’d be doing some thinking about this friendship.