To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

If you want to keep writing lengthy posts to tell me how you understand the intent of my post better than me and how what I said didn't mean what I actually said, then crack on.

Sigh.

It's exactly what you said. I quoted your exact words! I offered an alternative view, it was guy that took issue with that. So odd.

Your replies are really tedious, but also derailing, so I'll leave it there.

She sounds like SUCH a twat.

Agree with pps, lose weight (or don't) and turn up in a very revealing, white dress. She is a bellend, honestly. Embarrassingly awful.

What a rotten cow. I'm so sorry she's acted like this, I cannot imagine how hurtful it must feel. I suspect this is the first in a long list of 'Zilla' behaviours though and I really do think you won't be the only person she will upset before next May.

If you do remain on civil terms with her and attend the wedding, I absolutely INSIST that you upstage her. You deserve much better from your friendships though, I wouldn't blame you in the slightest for ending things.

• you, not 'guy'.

Jesus, I can't believe that. She's no friend. I had 4 bridesmaids, sizes 6, 10, 12 and 30. I let them choose the dresses and they found one that actually complimented all of them with some minor alterations and a sleeve added for one.. they all looked beautiful and felt comfortable.
They were expensive but worth every penny to see them all happy and comfortable.

I think people get a little precious around weddings, I can assure you when the haze lifts and she returns to a normal life she won't like that message she sent

I’d get slim and fit and rock up wearing the hottest dress ever next year.

I'd ask MNHQ to remove that text, OP. The DM will be all over this.

I actually changed the style and colour of my bridesmaid dresses to suit their choice. It was always the friendships that were important

LTB (itch)

Honestly when I got married one of my bridesmaids was a size 22 and one a 6. It took a while but I found a dress they looked fab in. I can't believe anyone would do this to a friend.

@littlebillie

I actually changed the style and colour of my bridesmaid dresses to suit their choice. It was always the friendships that were important

Yes, same and when I was bridesmaid, my friend did the same for us. Same colour, different shaped dresses.

@EarringsandLipstick

If you want to keep writing lengthy posts to tell me how you understand the intent of my post better than me and how what I said didn't mean what I actually said, then crack on.

Sigh.

It's exactly what you said. I quoted your exact words! I offered an alternative view, it was guy that took issue with that. So odd.

Your replies are really tedious, but also derailing, so I'll leave it there.

'I think I'd respond along the lines of...’ ‘She certainly should not send this.’

Oh yeah. Exact quote.
I've no idea who guy is either. Your posts don't make much sense.

@Nayday

If I were you I would indeed be my 'super happy self' - a million miles away from her or her shitty wedding! TBF it sounds absolutely dreadful, Team Bride and bridesmaid dresses picked out years ago. Back away slowly and consider it a lucky escape from the self-absorbed bint!

This ^

I wanted my best friend to be a bridesmaid but she said she wouldn't feel comfortable doing that for reasons I totally understood so I asked her to do a reading, she's my best friend and I love her I wanted her in my wedding team, this girl is not your friend

She's a bitch and hope she does read this thread.

Who actually gives a fuck about what dress the bridesmaids wear, the bride isn't fucking wearing them?! Who gives a shit?!

Her marriage will fail. Guaranteed. Just wait for more insane requests to come out, be glad you can ditch her. Her bridesmaids won't be speaking to her by the end either.

I think no reply is the best course of action.If she follows up you can say you were a bit shocked and stunned and didn't know how to reply. I would have nothing to do with helping towards the wedding or the planning and attending any hen do.

Honestly ? I think you have dodged a bullet.

I wouldn't fall out with her just yet, the car crash that is going to unfold over the next 12 months, as she ramps up to peak Bridezilla, will be too much fun to miss out on. I suspect it will be gloriously entertaining if you are not involved.

@HollowTalk

I'd ask MNHQ to remove that text, OP. The DM will be all over this.

@HollowTalk

Oh Christ! 🥺

I've no idea who guy is either. Your posts don't make much sense.

Oh go away. It was a typo, corrected immediately.

You like your unpleasant posts, don't you?

I quoted you. Using the quote function. I offered an alternative, uncontroversial view. You've taken ridiculous exception to it, seemingly unaware of how forums work. Grow up.

She's a shallow, superficial c*. And no friend of yours. Run for the hills and please have a very happy life with friends and family who love you for you

How awful! She should have least given you the option or included you another way.

I bet you will look beautiful at her wedding regardless of if you're in her 'team' or not, and if you get married or have any event I hope you repay her the favour!

Jesus. The fact she’s packaged it as being caring is even more of an insult. She’s not a friend, she’s a self obsessed superficial cow.

I mean the way to find out for definite is to message back "Aw that's nice of you to be so thoughtful, but actually I've started yoga/medication/meditation/mindfulness and have been feeling loads better about myself recently so the dress wouldn't bother me at all, in fact I'd love the chance to try something new "
(say nothing suggesting you have any intention to lose weight, even if you do.)

Then you can tell if she is just doing it to care about your feelings, or if it is that she is more worried about her photos. I'm afraid it sounds like the second option, but would be interesting to see what she comes back with!

FWIW I had a similar experience - my younger sister is getting married and asked me if I wanted to be a bridesmaid. I was a bit unsure given that I was shorter, fatter and older than all her friends, plus not a fan of getting dressed up, having my photo taken, being the centre of attention etc., which she knows. The difference is we discussed it like adults, she didn't just make the decision on my behalf!

Dear bride, that's super duper sweet of you to be so thoughtful. I think its sooooo important to get the detail right, the accessories (oops, bridesmaids) are going to look scrummy, I'm sure. I'm so glad you brought this up, because you were right. I was feeling uncomfortable about the wedding. I mean, do I really want to waste time and money going to the wedding of a self obsessed, uber cunt like you? Its opened my eyes. I'm so grateful. Kissy, kissy xxxxxxxx

@HollowTalk

I'd ask MNHQ to remove that text, OP. The DM will be all over this.

It's not the OP who should be embarrassed though, it's the 'friend'.