To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

If you decide not to ditch her make sure you pick a knockout outfit for her wedding or even better announce a pregnancy or engagement at the reception

"I don’t think your fiend sounds like an awful person"

Freudian typo there.

I normally can see things from both sides but I really can’t get over this text. Your friend is a bitch!

Wow! I can't believe she wrote that. Clearly a style of dress is more important to her than the people actually wearing them. Bridesmaids are supposed to be people you love, you want them there, the actual person.

The fact she's willing to loose a friend so she can have the 'perfect' bridesmaids dresses says it all.

Why would you even want to be friends with this person. Sack her off she is not a nice person.

Revenge body - spend the next year getting hot as fuck and turn up at her wedding in the tightest white dress you can find 😂

Wow I’m literally lost for words.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self concious.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

Actually, I agree with this.

What is the world coming to when a STYLE OF DRESS means more than the people you spend the day with?

It's clear this is a production to her and she sounds like a shallow, vain person. Just think of the kind people you could open yourself up to meeting once you ditch this one.

Im getting married next year and i would want my nearest n dearest there she is not a friend op im so sorry

She is VILE!!!

Gross. Undignified.

What happened to weddings being a celebration of love and family with your loved ones. She's probably more invested in the wedding and the Instagram likes than her marriage.

@LittleMissnotLittleMrs

I wouldn’t turn up in a white dress, I’d turn up in the bridesmaid dress but in a different colour...

And when people ask if she's a bridesmaid tell the truth about what happened!

Well isn’t she just delightful.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid, wasn’t happy with myself at the time, took myself to Slimming World, and was the size I wanted to be by the time of the wedding.

This woman is no friend OP. I certainly wouldn’t be bothering myself on an outfit, gift and an expensive night out for her.

And can you imagine what the hen is going to be like!?! Please do keep us updated on that!

When my son got married, the smallest bride's maid was a size 0 (US), and the largest was a size 24 (US). There was never a hint that any of them thought that the larger girl was a problem. You can find better friends.

@Dandylioness1 you say you've spoken to your friend a few times about not being happy with your weight so she was being honest with you and obviously didn't want to put you in a difficult situation where you were stressed and felt you couldn't change your mind about being her bridesmaid. She made the decision for you by not putting pressure on you to lose weight within a certain time frame and wear a dress that you wouldn't feel comfortable in...

If you were already a size 8 would you be happy to wear that size dress or would you still be unhappy about it? Also how would you feel if she asked you to be a bridesmaid but only on the condition that you lost weight? Wouldn't that be insulting... would you want to lose weight for you or for her and her pictures?

The alternative is your friend could be just one of those bitchy judgy types who thinks that because you haven't lost the baby weight in a year then there's not much chance of you losing it within the next year. Does she think you've let yourself go?

Prove to her how wrong she is then...

With an attitude like this her marriage is doomed - and you don't need a "friend" like this.

She's really not thinking of your feelings at all! Call her bluff and say you love it and would be happy to wear it! Or you could just respond 'Bridezilla!' She really is no friend and I would cut all ties if I were you, you really do deserve better. Big hugs, it must have really hurt your feelings.

@EarringsandLipstick

You don't understand the difference between me sharing what I would send (which is what I did) and me instructing the OP to send my message (which is what you think I did)?

Can't help you then I'm afraid, except to point out the obvious which is that a post sharing an opinion is not the same as an instruction to the OP

Oh what a stupid post, honestly 🙄

If someone (you) writes: 'I think I'd respond along the lines of...' on a thread discussing a situation an OP has posted about, it's pretty much implied that that's your suggestion for the OP's response.

I mean you didn't get the text, you're not responding, so of course if you write that, it's for the OP. Nobody cares what you'd do in your hypothetical situation.

I simply said 'don't send that, wagon doesn't deserve a reasoned explanation'

And you've gone all around the houses to object to that 🤦🏻‍♀️

I simply pointed out that's not what I said.

If you want to keep writing lengthy posts to tell me how you understand the intent of my post better than me and how what I said didn't mean what I actually said, then crack on.

Jeeze!

Wtf. You don't need to lose weight for your wedding or anyone else's, of course unless you want to. But you shouldn't do it to 'fit in' with the pictures.

I am shocked that the bride seems to have chosen women to be her bridesmaids because of their size and not because of who they are to her. Truly shallow, ignorant person. I wouldn't give her the time of day let alone spend a day at her wedding.

Vain and shallow friend. I hate the way she makes out she is doing you a favour. She is not a real friend..if this what she really thought and cared that you may be uncomfortable about the dresses she wants a bridesmaid to wear, a true friend would speak to you first and ask how you would feel at least, not presume. I would reply and say I don't think you do really know me as well as you are making out. I'm sorry you think you think I'm too fat for your wedding photos.

She's a bitch. I don't like that word but in this case it's the only one I can think of that's appropriate! I couldn't forgive a message like that. Please don't let her continue to trample on your self-worth with her brand of 'friendship'.

Don't give her another thought OP, I wouldn't accept even if you lost the weight before the wedding and she asked you later.

If it is My Best Friend's Wedding style of dress then she is simply terrified your utterly fabulous cleavage will upstage everyone else

Ouch. Priorities all wrong. I don't think I'd want to be part of a wedding like that but it must hurt all the same. No advice really but YANBU.